Beginning Where We End
by WhoMe-2
Summary: A marriage and inseverable bond was not something either of them had anticipated. The Doctor and Rose must now learn how to proceed in this new and unfamiliar territory. Sequel to "Kings and Lords."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N **This is a sequel to "Kings and Lords" and picks up almost immediately where the previous story left off. Apologies for the massive delay in getting this one started, but RL has kept me running at a mad pace. That, and I re-wrote a major chunk of the draft about halfway through which tends to slow things down.

But if you still remember "Kings and Lords" after these many months, then I hope you'll enjoy the sequel!

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_Beginning_

There was something about the available potential in that single word that was as thrilling as it was frightening.

It had been just two days since the Doctor and Rose had returned to the TARDIS after disembarking from the planet where their lives had taken such a profound turn. Though neither had anticipated this and it had certainly not been pre-planned, they were now husband and wife.

They had not embarked on their previous adventure foreseeing that it would end in a marriage of circumstance and unplanned bonding thereafter, by any means. It took them by as great a surprise as the crash-landing that had brought them there. Yet a series of dizzying events unfolded that finally culminated in the Doctor intervening to keep Rose from being forced into marrying another man. How did he accomplish it? She married him instead.

The reality still left Rose wondering if it had all been a mad dream. What was perhaps even more astonishing was that the Doctor, though initially in complete denial of its significance, had now embraced it and agreed to try and maintain this new and substantial facet of their relationship, despite a rocky start.

Knowing how to go about building such a marriage, however, was something neither was quite certain about. She was young and human and open to all life had in store, having only experienced a relative fraction. He was ancient and alien and bore centuries of brutally-inflicted scars that left him guarded and at times jaded. But they could take this slow. After all, that was one thing they were experts in.

And so this second day of new beginnings found Rose contemplating such thoughts as she stood in the Doctor's bedroom, a place that had now become a shared space between the two. She had just gotten dressed for the day in a pair of jeans and dusky-pink jumper, but lingered in front of the room's large standing wardrobe, gazing at the still-surreal sight of her and the Doctor's clothes hanging side-by-side. In spite of this romantic (if not domestic) sight and the two having made the choice to embark on this new journey, they weren't exactly in an enchanted honeymoon period just yet.

Oh, there had been more than one occasion of physically expressing their love in the most passionate of ways. Twice, to be exact. And it had been phenomenal. But afterwards they seemed to be, to a certain extent, back to the way things had always been. Upon returning to the TARDIS after leaving the planet Zobulan for the final time, the passion between them began to once again escalate, heading in a very promising direction before being cut short due to the TARDIS needing the Doctor's attention as she acclimated to being in the Vortex, still not quite back to full functioning capacity. He monitored the ship closely as they drifted in flight, careful not to tax the newly-restored systems now that the TARDIS was finally operational again after the crash.

This had been, more or less, where the Doctor's attention had been focused ever since. Not in need of rest, he had even worked all through the previous night, much to her disappointment. Rose had slipped into a rather sexy dark blue silk and lace babydoll with a matching dressing gown that barely reached mid-thigh. She had then sashayed to the control room and hinted about him coming to bed too, only to receive a lecture on the superior circadian rhythm of a Time Lord that did not require re-charging within every 24-hour cycle. Frustrated that he was oblivious to seeing the point (and her lingerie, apparently), she had gone to bed alone.

Rose reasoned to herself this was not intentional avoidance on his part. They had come too far for that now. He was not avoiding her. Certainly not.

Was he?

Rose made an effort not to take offense at his absence. And yet, when going to sleep alone and being greeted by an empty bed upon waking, she couldn't help but wish for just a little more from him when it came to matters of tenderness and romance. A part of Rose inwardly wished for a proper honeymoon. A few weeks of romantic days and passionate nights and a Doctor who didn't want her out of his sight or out of his arms.

But that just wasn't who he was. He wasn't exactly an intergalactic Casanova, despite his penchant for flirting. And in all truthfulness she wouldn't want him to be, either. He was simply and complexly the Doctor. And though he might not have transformed into a wooing romantic, Rose was learning that the few times when he did focus his undivided attention on her fully and physically, there was certainly no room to complain. She tried to remind herself of that point when waking alone.

The Doctor had confessed his fear of losing what they'd previously had by taking this step, but Rose had assured him nothing would be lost, only gained; and that was true. The friendship they had shared before all of this had not changed. It was the switching gears and transitioning to the role of lovers that was seeming to be just a bit of a challenge.

Rose felt a little off balance with this. On the one hand, all she had to do was look at him now and suddenly the only thing she could think about was keeping him in bed for at least a week. The Doctor, on the other hand, seemed to be in complete control of his desires if the previous night's solitude was anything to go by. She supposed that was to be expected after 900 or so years of restraint. But when he _was_ in the moment, he was unstoppable and intense and more than she had ever fantasized of. It was just a matter of getting him in that moment. The rest of the time he was his typical Doctorish self, as if nothing between them had changed.

A part of her loved that — loved him just as he was and would not want him to change. But at the same time, she was rather keen to express that newly-confessed love, and getting this alien to read her signals was looking to be a challenging learning process. She was certainly willing to put in the effort, though.

Already craving his nearness and that look in his eyes when his gaze met hers — that unmistakable flash of intensity — Rose left the bedroom to join him in the console room. She suspected he would be there, tending to the TARDIS in its final stage of recuperation.

-:-:-:-

As Rose emerged from the corridor and reached her destination, she saw the familiar sight of white scuffed Chucks sticking out from under the console, attached to long, pinstriped legs. Wires were strewn about in what appeared to be a haphazard fashion, but the Doctor no doubt had a purpose for the placement of each one.

She approached softly and stooped down near his feet, angling her head to get a look at the man underneath. He was muttering to himself as he worked, engrossed in repairs. He took a calculated upward swing with a mallet to a board of circuitry, followed by a colorful string of Gallifreyan expletives as a small shower of golden sparks emitted in protest near his head. The Doctor and the TARDIS had a unique love affair, seeming the most content when winding the other up.

Rose reached out a hand and placed it on his shin in greeting. There was no tingling tremor felt between them at the contact. She had learned this could sometimes be the case when they touched, now due to the bond they shared. The effect was only felt during a mutual state of arousal, though, and the Doctor was obviously preoccupied at the moment. But her touch did get his attention, and he pulled himself out and sat up quickly once he realized she was up and had come to join him.

"Rose! You're finally awake, I see," he said by way of greeting, absently rubbing a hand across the top of his head to be sure his artfully tousled hair had not been singed by the TARDIS' display of pyrotechnics.

A soft smile pulled at her lips just in seeing him, all brown eyes and exuberance, this man she loved. Rose reached out to trace a finger over a faint smudge of soot on his left cheek. She felt the tiniest little crackle of energy at the contact. Even without voicing it, the brief look shared between them spoke volumes of the new territory they had so recently covered. A pleasant warmth passed through her at the thought.

"I figured you'd be in here," she said in reply. She wasn't going to make an issue of the fact that she had gone to bed alone and woken in the same state, with him having yet to stay in bed with her and actually sleep till morning. This was simply who he was. And considering she was now waking in his bed, this was at least considerable progress.

Rose sat herself down on the metal grating, stretching her legs out alongside his as they sat facing each other. "So, how is the TARDIS now? Almost back to having as much strength as before?"

The Doctor glanced back at the console, tipping his head to peer up at the central column, healthy and glowing. A far cry from the charred state she had been in just weeks before. "Just about. She's much better now, but she's been through a lot and still needs to take it easy for a bit." Rose briefly thought that maybe the same held true for the two of them. He indicated a tangle of wires and strewn components to her left. "Give me a hand with re-aligning the drive circuits?"

Rose nodded, settling into this more familiar shared routine. It might not be a honeymoon, but this was their life, and she'd signed on for the long haul.

Comfortable silence occupied the space between them as the work resumed. Rose idly untwisted one of the wires in her hand as she pondered the rest of the day that lay ahead for them. They obviously were not going to be doing any universe-wide hopping from planet to planet or time period to time period just yet.

Maybe they could ease the TARDIS back into travel with a visit to just one planet, though. A certain planet in particular.

Rose had been thinking a lot about her mum recently throughout all that had taken place on Zobulan. She knew that Jackie really should be told about her daughter's marriage to an alien at some point. She winced a little at the thought. Her mum had never been ecstatic about the Doctor whisking Rose away into this unconventional life. Just how would her mum take _this_ kind of news? And how would the Doctor react to the suggestion of such a visit? She didn't imagine he'd be bouncing on his heels in excitement. But regardless of either of their reactions, it needed to be done. The sooner they got this next hurdle over with the better.

With that thought in mind, Rose decided to finally broach the subject with him.

"Doctor?" she started in a few minutes later as she handed him the gravimetric aligner.

His response was muffled, the sonic screwdriver held between his teeth and hands full of mechanical bits and bobs as he sat cross-legged beside her. "Hmm?"

"I was just…thinkin'."

He removed the sonic from his mouth to aim it at one of the components held in his hands. "A very worthwhile activity, that. Thinking is high on my list of recommended pursuits." He paused. "Except on the planet Cogitate, that is. They're a genius race with one downfall: They have the brainpower to blow a hole in their atmosphere if they collectively…well…_think_ too hard. So it has to be regulated at certain specified intervals. Thinking regulated…," he mused. "Imagine that!" He then added with a sniff, "That's why it's best that I stay away from there. I'd hate to rip a hole all the way to their stratosphere with my unmatched brain power alone. Again."

Rose shook her head, trying to remember just what it was she'd been trying to say in the first place. "Well, I don't think I'll be ripping holes in anyone's atmospheres with this thought. But…well I…" She trailed off, trying to figure out the best way to word this so that _maybe_ he'd actually agree to the suggestion.

The Doctor looked up at her then, and it was obvious he was still trying to figure Rose out, despite their recent substantial closeness. His questioning eyes were that of a man wondering if he had done something to muck things up between them yet again. They had both been trying very hard not to mess things up, but maybe that was the problem. Trying too hard. Both would admit that their relationship had been, in some ways, much easier in the past.

"Rose, what is it?" he questioned.

She cleared her throat. "Do you think the TARDIS is well enough to take a trip back to Earth? To see Mum," she added, cautiously gauging his reaction. "We…well, we're gonna have to tell her about…_us_ at some point. And I just thought…"

The Doctor's face bore a look of clear and sudden displeasure. He sat aside what he had been working on and stood. He paced animatedly once on his feet, as if trying to stay one step ahead of that perilous suggestion now hanging in the air. Rose brushed off her jeans and stood with him.

"We don't want to rush this. Pushing the limits of the TARDIS' capabilities, I mean. There will be plenty of time for visits…later. Some other time. I still haven't checked to be sure all of the rooms are back in order after having to reduce her dimensions while recuperating. That inspection alone could take us weeks. We could start with the squash courts, one through fifteen, and—"

"Can the TARDIS handle the trip or not?" Rose asked directly, knowing he was going to try to wiggle out of this if at all possible.

He stopped his pacing but wouldn't quite look at her. "It's…it's not simply a matter of…of…"

"_Doctor_, can the TARDIS make the trip or not?"

"Well, she can…I suppose. In untested theory. But the final repairs I'm trying to make…"

"Can wait for a little while, yeah?"

He swallowed and finally looked directly at her, conceding. "I'll take you to your mum's if that's what you'd like."

She could hear the additional words he wasn't saying behind that grudgingly-agreeing statement. "And you'd stay _here_, right? Is that what you're thinking? Check up on the all-important squash courts?"

The Doctor appeared to be weighing his options for giving a response. He may not be an expert in relationships, but he knew what Rose clearly wanted here. "You want me to come, too," he stated flatly.

Rose took a calm, even breath before responding. She did not want this becoming an argument. "Doctor, I'm not trying to force you to do anything here. But I think this is something we should do together, don't you? What's Mum gonna think if I tell her something like this and you don't even bother to be there with me?"

"Does it even matter what she thinks?" He flinched as the words were spoken, clearly wishing he could stuff them back in that impulsive gob of his. Rose looked as if she wouldn't mind doing it for him.

So much for this not becoming an argument. "She's my mum! _Yes_, it matters what she thinks! _She_ matters, and deserves for us _both_ to tell her this."

The Doctor raked both hands through his hair, that same look overtaking his face that he had on Krop Tor at the mention of sharing a mortgage. The look that said he was far out of his comfort zone with this — on the verge of a domestic row over a domestic issue. "I didn't mean it like that," he tried to amend. "I…I've told you that I just don't normally…do this sort of thing. And this…this…talking with mothers about…"

"Too domestic for you?" she questioned dryly, failing to see why he had to make such an issue of this.

"The whole matter of domestic, Rose, it's not about preference. It's about who I am and the nature of my life."

His timeless eyes locked on hers then, and she could understand what he was trying to say just a little more. Though he might have appeared it on the outside, the Doctor was far from being an ordinary man. He was an alien and the last of an ancient race. He burned at the center of Time and could bring down entire governments with the power of his words alone.

And he did _not_ seek approval from someone's mother in regards to a relationship, the likes of which he had avoided for centuries as it was.

Rose began to wish that she hadn't even brought up the subject. At least not yet. They were still trying to get their bearings in this relationship, and the last thing she wanted was for the Doctor to feel like she was trying to change the nature of who he was, even though in her mind he was highly overreacting in this regard.

The Doctor stood silently at the controls of the TARDIS, his fiddling with buttons seeming to be a tactic of avoidance. The ship bumped and rattled, and Rose assumed he was testing the function of the drive circuits as a distraction from this topic.

"Look," she spoke up, drawing in a deep breath before continuing, "If you feel that strongly then just forget I mentioned it. We can just…"

"We're here," he interrupted, with a nod of his head indicating toward the doors.

"Where…?" she queried, trying to keep up with this ever-shifting conversation.

"Earth. London. The Powell Estate. The middle of your mum's flat about two meters left of the couch, to be precise."

His reply was not spoken begrudgingly, but with a small, apologetic smile. This went against his grain and very nature. But he had also told Rose he was willing to try and make this relationship between them work. He was making the effort for her.

Rose walked towards him and took his hand in hers, squeezing gently. "Thank you," she answered softly. "But you don't have to do this if you're really that uncomfortable with this sort of thing."

He inflated his cheeks then blew out a puff of air. "Well, _now_ you tell me," he said, only half-joking. "But just enjoy this face of mine while you can, because I have a feeling your mum is either going to mar it beyond all recognition or slap me into my next regeneration entirely."

Rose let go of his hand only to wrap her arms loosely around his neck, delighting in that slight shift in the pupils of his eyes that said all of this was quite possibly worth it to him, regardless of uncomfortable, domestic interactions with her mum.

"Well, for now we can just play it by ear," Rose appeased. "We don't have to tell her everything right away. We'll sound her out and see how it goes, yeah?" A sultry glimmer formed in her eye as she swept her gaze over his face. "I wouldn't want to risk one of your lives. Especially since I sort of like _this_ version of you."

His hands settled low on her waist, such a perfect fit she wondered how they had not found their resting place there sooner. "This version of me sort of likes you, too," he replied back. And though it wasn't exactly the most romantic sentiment they had ever shared, the look in his eyes and tone of his voice made her heart skip a few beats.

Predictably, it was short lived, though, as he switched modes and threw her for a loop with his next out-of-the-blue statement of significance. "Weeell, that's not to say that this version of myself would necessarily change with regeneration. Some Time Lords could control exactly who they became next. It's a dodgy process, that; and not something I've ever really practiced. But I do know the process is subject to influence by those near me if I allow it. Well, obviously, considering the way I came out this time around, thanks to you."

He gave her a lazy smile, and Rose just gaped at him. "You're telling me that the next time you were to regenerate, you…you could stay the same as you are now?!"

"Possibly," he said with a casual shrug. "In many respects, at least. Unless I were to choose to let go of who I am now and change entirely."

Rose's jaw hung open, and the Doctor's easy expression shifted to one of uncertainty upon noting her reaction.

Seconds later, the muffled sound of Jackie's voice could be heard from outside.

"Oi! Either the two of you come out and say a proper hello, or else stop takin' up half the parlor as if it's a carpark for that daft box."

He looked to the doors, swallowed, then looked back at Rose. "Umm, I'm guessing another thing I have to learn is not to drop somewhat meaningful bits of information out of the blue during inopportune moments?"

Rose shook her head slowly, clearing the haze and filing away what he had just told her for later processing. "Let's…let's just…go talk to Mum for now. And _don't_ go droppin' the news about us on her in the same way," she warned.

Rose turned from him to head down the ramp. The Doctor hung back, following with slow reluctance. "Don't worry. I'm not planning to say anything more than is strictly necessary."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N **I was worried not many would remember the previous story after such a long gap and considered not even posting, so a BIG thank you for the encouraging reviews so far!

Now we get a glimpse from the Doctor's complex perspective on this new relationship.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Rose stepped out of the TARDIS first, and by the time the Doctor finally made his delayed exit into Jackie Tyler's parlor the two women were already settled together on the couch, chatting happily. The Doctor picked up on the gist of the conversation as he edged by. Jackie was going on about the pub quiz she and her mates had won the night before, bragging about her role in seizing the all-important victory.

"So there it was, nearin' the final round with a question on American history and what caused the start of the Great Chicago Fire. I wrote down my answer quick as you please, and slipped it to Bev sayin', 'It was that cow!' And 'course I was right," she crowed. "Who needs A-levels? I know my facts on history just as well as the next, don't I? Plus I've seen the movie…"

The Doctor rolled his eyes but kept silent as he moved past, though he was tempted to interject. He had been in Chicago in 1871 during the event in question and knew for a fact that Mrs. O'Leary's infamous cow was innocent. The fire was in fact started by an unruly chicken. He wasn't exactly looking to join the conversation, though. Hoping he could just go unnoticed for a bit, the Doctor slipped into the kitchen and left mother and daughter to do a little catching up. If he was very, _very_ lucky they might even forget he was there.

He didn't consider what he was doing _hiding_. It was more a wise tactic of self-preservation. The Doctor stood in the small domestic space, already feeling a little claustrophobic. He threw a glance at the microwave and had a passing notion to make it a little more sonic, but on second thought realized his hearts just weren't in it. The only tinkering he wanted to do was back in the TARDIS, safe within his familiar domain. The fact was, this whole situation was making the soles of his feet itch. An itch that could only be satisfied by running back to his ship and halfway across the galaxy.

Unfortunately it was far more than the prospect of an afternoon with Jackie that caused such an ill-at-ease feeling. But Rose's mum aside, he _should_ currently be feeling happy, right? In fact, the Doctor was perilously close to being the happiest he had been in centuries. Certainly since the War. Though it had taken no small effort and even a degree of pain, he had allowed himself to open his hearts to Rose in a way that he once never would have considered possible for him. He had certainly fought it long and hard. He didn't exactly let go of all inhibitions and doubts when he finally _did_ give in to this, but he had definitely made surprising progress.

So why couldn't he simply enjoy such newfound-happiness to the full extent? Predictably, the answer to that question wasn't simple.

For one thing, the Doctor could see Time. He could see What Is, What Was, What Could Be, What Must Not. He could see this in regards to the whole of creation, with one exception: himself. His own timeline remained obscured to him. No Time Lord could ever see one's own potential time directly. And now that Rose's timeline had melded so intimately with his since their bonding, hers was indistinct to him as well. Their timelines were now intertwined, but where it would lead them from here he didn't have a clue. He couldn't examine the fluid lines and whirling curves and coursing flow of their future clearly, but he could feel that there was something more – something substantial – to come for them. It gave him a foreboding chill.

It made him want to run.

This was no longer an option for him now, though. He was in far too deep for that. He was now linked to Rose on an intensely-deep level; and to put it simply, he didn't quite know what to do with that.

The entire situation had caught him unprepared and knocked him off his feet. A few days had now passed since all of this, and he still felt like he was scrabbling for purchase, trying to find his balance in the situation. Now that he was beginning to get the chance to stop and really ponder it, the Doctor realized that this link with Rose, unintentional as it initially was, had been far easier to forge with a human than it should have been. It was unsettling to think of the ease in which it was formed. _Stopping_ it from happening would have been the difficult bit.

As much as all of this frightened him, a part of him, maybe the insane part, still wanted more.

More of Rose.

He craved it.

This was beginning to consume his thoughts.

'_I'm never going to get enough of you, am I?'_ he had said to Rose just days before, in equal parts awe and fear.

He'd now had just a taste of what it was like to be bonded to Rose – joined on every conceivable level. Yet there was a possibility for them to have even more if they cultivated its potential; to be closer still. Right now her presence was a faint whisper on the outskirts of his mind. A base, fundamental part of him wanted to throw open the floodgates and immerse himself in her to the fullest degree. He now feared that he might.

He couldn't trust himself. When their bond was initially formed, it was as if he lost control in that moment, taking from her more than she had ever offered while forging a permanent link that had never been discussed. His loss of control had frightened him. What continued to frighten him was knowing the strong desire within him to take even more – to make their link stronger still. And this desire grew more intense each time they were together. He was beginning to fear even being close to Rose until he learned to temper this ancient, provoking urge that had flared to life and was now stirring inside him.

This was one of the reasons why their bond now unnerved him in a way few things ever had. The Doctor was becoming plagued with wondering how it had been possible to be created in the first place. Humans had a low level of telepathic ability that made such a link possible in theory. But what they now had, it's _potential_, went beyond that. The longer this bond existed between them, the more he realized that it carried the possibility of being stronger than a link to a human mind should be capable of. How? How was it possible for a human and Gallifreyan mind to be so compatible? It was almost as if their minds were meant to connect.

A romanticist would have thought such a sentiment to be idyllic destiny. The Doctor, however, had wanted to know the exact _why_ behind it. It was like there was a piece he was missing in all this – something he should have known that would have explained it all logically. Yet the heart(s) couldn't be reduced to logical science. That hadn't stopped him from trying.

This question of their seamless compatibility had been going 'round and 'round in his head since this whirlwind of a relationship change. He had finally settled on the only viable answer just the previous night. It was an answer that rattled him more than the question itself.

_He_ had created this potential.

His past self, specifically. It startled him when he realized it while occupying himself with TARDIS maintenance just the night before. He and Rose had once shared something immense. The Time Vortex. He had long since known that the powerful moment of connection between them, those few pivotal seconds he had shared all of Time with Rose, had changed him. Not just in the obvious consequence of causing him to regenerate. It had caused him to regenerate into the man he was now, with Rose imprinted on his very nature and influencing who he had become.

He had finally shared this little bit of info with Rose when arriving here just before stepping out of the TARDIS. He had eased into it as casually as possible, testing the waters, so to speak, on her reaction to such a concept of consequence. It had not been one of his more brilliantly-planned moments. He certainly wasn't going to blurt out more of his theory on it just yet.

His theory suggested there had been even more to it. What if that past instant of connection between them had gone both ways? What if that moment had changed her, too?

He could have taken the lethal power of Time from her and into himself without direct contact with Rose. He still would have had to take the power into himself, but the sonic could have served as a viable transmitting conduit without having to actually touch her. He had known this at the time but had still spoken two words with outstretched arms:

'_Come here.' _

The Doctor realized when thinking back to that crucial moment that he had _wanted_ that contact with Rose. That connection, however brief. It wasn't just the desire to take her in his arms and kiss this woman who was willing to die for him. It was more than that. Stronger. And when they connected, all of Time flowing between them, he had touched her mind with his. How could he not? She was _everything_ in that moment, consuming him and drawing him into all that she was. Not unlike the first time they made love. Or the time after…

The touch to her mind when Rose blazed as the Bad Wolf had been just a whisper.

But it had been enough.

The seed had been planted. They had been one in that moment, and her mind had been able to merge with his ever so briefly, creating the compatibility for a future bond. It wasn't something he would have even realized at that time. He could only see it now in retrospect. It explained how their link had been established almost effortlessly, yet at the same time with such intense power that he hadn't even felt in control.

The probability that he had been the one who made this bond possible in the first place made him feel even more responsible for creating it without Rose's consent the first time they gave in to their desires. It also made him feel greater guilt for wanting even more now. And what would Rose think of him if she knew he was entertaining such thoughts? Hadn't she already given him far more than enough? It was possible to have more, though. He could _feel_ its untapped potential. And every time he was near Rose and let himself lower his control, it was all he could do to keep from trying to seize more of her mind to fill his.

He wanted more of Rose, but at what cost? At what point would he lose himself entirely, while swallowing her whole? And after having such a connection, how could he possibly face what might one day lie ahead for them in their uncertain future which even now stirred his fear of her loss?

The Doctor exhaled a weary breath. He leaned back heavily on the nearby countertop and drug both hands down his face. This kind of thinking was getting him nowhere at the moment. For now, he decided the only option for controlling the urge to take more from Rose was to keep a bit of distance. At least until he learned to erect a few barriers of restraint.

He hoped this wouldn't be too difficult considering he wasn't constantly under the drive for physical contact like humans tended to be. Though he had to admit that as of late this was occupying a larger portion of his thoughts than he was accustomed to, with or without the mental aspect of their intimacy.

Case in point, that very short, very lacy, very blue…_item_ Rose had appeared in the console room wearing the night before had caused his otherwise occupied mind to temporarily stray toward the unaccustomed direction of desiring physical contact. He had managed to pull himself together after only gaping for 2.13 seconds, though. But later, the distracting image replaying in his thoughts had almost caused him to…fantasize. _Fantasize_. Him! He was a Time Lord who most assuredly did not fantasize. Often. What was he becoming?

Despite these alarmingly-strong urges, he felt out of his depth at the thought of initiating anything of the sexual nature with Rose. He well and truly lost his inhibitions when they _did_, but getting there was a leap he still wasn't adept at making. For now he was glad of that. He needed some time to learn to adapt to all this. To _control_ himself, for Rassilon's sake.

So for the moment, the only thing left for the Doctor to do while stuck in Jackie's kitchen awaiting a most uncomfortable confrontation and bombarded with a barrage of thoughts he'd rather not dwell upon, was to find the nearest jam jar and try to focus his mind elsewhere.

The Doctor turned to the cupboard, nicked a jar of strawberry jam, and buried his fingers deep in the sticky contents as he tried very hard not to think at all.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N **The Doctor's plan is challenged and Jackie makes a discovery…in a less than ideal way.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Back in Jackie's parlor, Rose was doing her best to maintain a casual front with her mum, chatting about nothing of importance, all the while the substantial matter of why they'd come to see Jackie in the first place was making it hard for her to concentrate on idle chitchat. Rose kept periodically glancing around for the Doctor out of the corner of her eye, wishing he would come back from where he'd snuck off to and join her. She hoped maybe he could do something to make easing into this news go a little smoother; although that was probably too much to hope for. He had a flair with words, but not when it came to _this_ type of subject matter. She just wished he'd share in some of the responsibility, at the very least.

Rose was finally spared a moment to plan the next step and re-gather her thoughts (and hopefully the Doctor as well) when the phone rang. Jackie was going to ignore it, but Rose suggested otherwise.

"Go ahead, Mum. See who it is. It might be something important," Rose encouraged.

Jackie waved it off. "It's nothin' that can't wait. How often do you come for a visit these days?"

"No, go ahead," Rose persisted. "M' not leavin' anytime soon. The Doctor and I can stay the afternoon if you'd like. I'll just go put the kettle on while you catch that."

"Oh, alright," Jackie relented with a sigh. "But I'll just be a mo."

"Take your time, Mum," Rose said over her shoulder, proceeding toward the kitchen. The last she'd seen of the Doctor he was heading in this direction. He should still be there…if he hadn't gone out the window.

Assuming he _was_ still about, Rose was a little afraid of what she might find. She just hoped the Doctor hadn't dismantled half the appliances at this point under the guise of improving them. He had a tendency to tinker when he was stressed, and the outcome was not likely to win any points with Jackie. Right now he didn't need to give her any added incentive for falling out of favor. Not that he was ever really _in_ her favor.

As Rose entered the small kitchen space, she was relieved to find that the appliances were all intact, but her relief was short-lived upon seeing what the Doctor had been up to instead. He had an open jar of strawberry jam in one hand and three fingers buried deep within the sticky sweetness that he had all but polished off.

He removed his fingers from the jar and paused halfway on the path to his mouth when he spotted Rose in the entryway, sporting a look of disapproval on her face.

"Doctor," she hissed under her breath, "what are you doing?"

He glanced down at his jam-coated fingers, the temptation proving too much as he succumbed to the urge to lick them clean. "Just having a snack," he mumbled around his sticky digits. He pulled each one free with an elaborate pop. "That's what a kitchen is for, right? Regardless of the planet or the species or the time period, wherever a kitchen is found, it serves solely to satisfy that basic, all-important need for life-sustaining sustenance."

Rose rolled her eyes. "And there is also a basic, all-important need for manners. I've told you before, you don't just go stickin' your fingers into other people's food. Especially Mum's!" She snuck a quick glance back over her shoulder to make sure Jackie was still occupied on the phone. "If you have to eat it plain and not on bread like the rest of the planet, then at least use a spoon. Mum already thinks you're alien enough as it is, and she doesn't need to be reminded of that – now of all times."

The Doctor shrugged, making sure that since he had now committed the grave sin of contaminating Jackie's jam with his alienness, he at least didn't let the rest go to waste. "Really, Rose. There's nothing 'alien' about enjoying preserved fruit without the unnecessary addition of sliced carbohydrates getting in the way of savoring the full spectrum of flavor."

To prove his point, the Doctor made a slow demonstration with his agile tongue, gliding up, then down each finger, accompanied by throaty sound effects to show just how much enjoyment could be had from this unconventional indulgence.

Rose's annoyance quickly began to give way to another type of emotion. Her mouth went dry and eyes nearly glazed over as she watched his talented tongue lick his fingers clean one at a time with long, languorous strokes. Such an overt display would have gotten her a little warm and tingly in the past under ordinary circumstances, as was often the case whenever his tantalizing oral fixation emerged. Now that their relationship had recently crossed those past boundary lines, though, the effect on her was much harder to suppress this time. She now knew, in intimate detail, _everything_ that tongue of his was capable of.

She was trying to rein in the intense response that was being stirred, but then realized in a breath-stealing moment of revelation that she didn't _have_ to suppress these current feelings anymore, right?

Initiating intimacy between them was still unfamiliar territory, considering said intimacy had only begun days before. In the light of day they were both still finding it a little awkward to approach. As the Doctor's fingers disappeared again into his mouth while his large, deep brown eyes remained fixated on hers, Rose soon forgot about a lack of boldness in approaching him on this new level.

She walked slowly towards him, her eyes flicking from his, down to his lips, and back to his eyes as the space between them became less and less.

Being a Time Lord who for so many centuries had lived above allowing himself to succumb to baser desires, Rose knew the Doctor's mind had naturally been predominately focused on the jam, if not the whole domestic situation with Jackie; so she could see it in his eyes the moment he finally deciphered her immediate intentions as she moved ever closer with deliberate purpose, daring him to do something about it.

She stopped only when they were a scant few inches apart. Rose reached out and took the near-empty jar from his hand and placed it down beside them on the counter without taking her eyes from his. He swallowed, the strong motion rippling down his throat as his sticky hand remained motionless in the air between them. Rose then took his immobile hand in hers, eying his digits hungrily. She felt it then as her hand touched his, that slight but unmistakable tremor passing between them on contact that let her know she definitely had his attention.

"Maybe you have a point," she stated, voice dropping an octave. "I can see that your way does have its…advantages." She shook her head slowly and tutted as she carefully inspected his hand, bringing it closer to her face. "Awfully messy, though. Need help cleaning up?" she asked throatily.

"Rose…," he began, the single word ending in something very similar to a squeak as she enclosed her lips around his index finger without preamble, enveloping it in her warm, wet mouth. He cleared his throat, eyes flicking from Rose's mouth then back over to the kitchen's entryway, clearly conflicted between where he needed to look and where he _wanted_ to look. "Y-your mum, remember? She…"

"Is on the phone," Rose answered between slow, thorough licks, now moving on to the next finger. "And you're all sticky, right…," she swirled her tongue around the tip of his middle finger before suckling with increasing pressure, "…here." Rose removed his finger from her mouth, then slowly moved her lips toward his face. "And here, too…," she mumbled across the corner of his mouth.

He turned his mouth toward her lips just a fraction, almost instinctively, like a magnet; but still there existed a minute space between them. Those scant few centimeters were almost painful. In seconds, she didn't give a single thought to the consequences of possibly being caught snogging him in Jackie's kitchen. The moment her lips connected with his – cool and pliant with the taste of strawberries mingled with the lusciously-intoxicating taste of the Doctor – all other, far less important thoughts flew out of her head.

He was hesitant, she could tell. Old, deeply-entrenched habits die hard, and just learning that they could give in and do something like this on the spur of the moment would take some adjusting, she told herself. A thrill went through Rose at the thought of giving him plenty of practice. Her tongue slipped past her lips and gently coaxed his open, gliding along his full lower lip before nudging at the seal that gave way without a fight. She could feel him quickly giving in, melting into her as his hands fell to her waist and Rose pressed herself closer.

Rose was only aware of _this_, blissfully unaware that the Doctor was frantically tossing up added barriers in his mind to keep from plunging full-tilt into hers, his earlier plan for temporary distance going out the airlock. She was effectively causing him to lose this battle.

Rose was still learning the many aspects of intimacy between them. There was still _much_ to discover, but she knew he wasn't constantly turned on or thinking about fulfilling physical desires, which meant spontaneous moments like this might often have to result from her taking the initiative. He was an alien who simply operated within different parameters. But she was also learning that when he _was_ finally focused on this, he was nearly unstoppable. He was now demonstrating that quite clearly.

Rose drew a sharp breath in surprise when her back swiftly connected with the refrigerator behind them as the Doctor backed her against the cool surface. He pressed his body to hers, the wool of his suit grazing the cotton of her jumper and causing delightful friction, his tongue quickly catching up with the dance her own had initiated.

Yes, he was losing this battle. If this could be called _losing_.

Rose's hands moved up to his head, fingers grabbing greedy fistfuls of his thick locks as she held his eager mouth in place against her own. His deep moan that followed nearly singed her down to the soles of her feet. She could feel every place his body pressed to hers, every finger digging into the flesh of her sides as his hands slipped beneath the hem of her jumper. If this wasn't enough to short-circuit her brain, his mouth and lips and tongue were a combination capable of robbing her of all coherent thought.

She'd had a few good snogs in her time, but the Doctor was in a league of his own. He had the type of driven passion that could curl her toes, the urgency that only made her want more, and the gentleness to let her breathe just enough to make it possible for their kiss to go on for an eternity. She had no current complaints about the prospect of doing this for eternity. She could live very happily right here against her mum's fridge, every inch of the Doctor pressed against every inch of her, focusing his ardent attention on her in a way that had previously only existed in her fantasies.

Quickly losing themselves in the moment as they were, it was a wonder that either even registered the sound of Jackie's shocked gasp from behind.

"What the bloody…! What do you two think you're _doin'_?! NO! Don't answer that! It's bleedin' obvious! And in my own kitchen, no less!"

The Doctor and Rose jumped apart as if they'd been doused in ice water. Jackie could have that effect.

"Mum!" Rose exclaimed in surprise as she swiftly righted her jumper that had ridden up due to the Doctor's roaming hands. "It's not what you think! Well…it is, I s'pose. But it's…it's more."

Rose's eyes briefly skated to the Doctor, took in his sexily rumpled, half-dazed state, and nearly melted from the rush of heat that stole through her body and erupted in a furious blush. She best keep her eyes elsewhere.

"More!" Jackie shouted, looming ever closer. "I don't even want to think about what _that_ means!" Her hands flew in the air and came to land firmly on her hips. "Oh, I should have known! _'We're not like that'_ she says. _'Just mates.'_ Well, obviously!" She then arrowed in on the Doctor menacingly. He sobered quickly, eying her with the same caution as that of a mortal enemy. "And you! You…you pervy alien! Lure innocent young women into that box of yours while promisin' to 'show 'em the stars.' Well, I'll show you some stars, all right!"

"Mum, stop!" Rose yelled, stepping between the Doctor and Jackie, intercepting the hand that had been raised to deliver a wallop. "Just stop and listen for a minute."

"Violence solves nothing, Jackie," the Doctor added in a clipped tone from behind Rose.

"It'll do for a start!" Jackie shouted back, struggling to free her hand from Rose's grasp.

"Have you ever once behaved like a normal, _sane_ person?" he threw in.

"Oh, look who's talkin'!" Jackie screeched.

"I thought you weren't gonna say anything more than was necessary!" Rose hissed at him.

"That was necessary!" he defended.

"You aint got a shred of decency! Shaggin' my daughter under my own roof, right up against the fridge!" Jackie continued in fury.

The Doctor's face shifted from agitation to horror. "I wasn't!"

"Mum, please! That's enough. Just listen to me." Rose interjected. She knew she needed to win control of the situation and get through to her mum. She did it in the only way she could think of. She gained Jackie's immediate focus with the three words that were still so new on her own tongue.

"I love him."

Jackie instantly went still. So eerily still that Rose wondered if this reaction was even worse. Jackie's hand became limp and her face went from one of shock and anger to one of sadness as she finally got a hold of herself and looked her daughter in the eyes.

It was visible then. Behind the sadness was Jackie's fear. She had feared this would happen and hoped it would not. Rose had already been willing to drop her life and follow the Doctor to the ends of the Earth and beyond when he held her imagination. She feared the kind of control he could wield – the damage that could be done – by holding her heart.

"Oh, Rose. Sweetheart. Don't say that. Please don't say that. It could've been anyone else. Why _him_? Of all the men in the world…" Jackie shook her head and turned away. Taking in a breath, she turned back to face Rose, eyes pleading with her to see reason. "Sweetheart, he's not even _human_. He doesn't live like the rest of us, doesn't think like the rest of us, doesn't act like the rest of us. What kind of life do you honestly think you could have with someone like him? Have you even thought that far ahead past…_this_?" She gestured between the two of them and the refrigerator. "Oh, his kind of livin' might seem fun to you now as a lark, I'm sure, but not as a _life_. Do you even have any idea what you're gettin' into? What you're takin' on…and what you'd be givin' up?"

The Doctor stood silent behind them, having no grounds to object to such misgivings toward him. He had already been asking himself those same questions.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N **I think I referenced somewhere in the previous story approximately where they were in the timeframe of the series. But for those wondering this is set late in S2, but obviously before Army of Ghosts/Doomsday.

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas!

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**Chapter 4**

"_What kind of life do you honestly think you could have with someone like him? Have you even thought that far ahead past…this?" She gestured between the two of them and the refrigerator. "Oh, his kind of livin' might seem fun to you now as a lark, I'm sure, but not as a life. Do you even have any idea what you're gettin' into? What you're takin' on…and what you'd be givin' up?"_

Rose didn't even have to think twice before answering her mum's anxious questions. "_Yes_. I know exactly what all of this means for me. I know what I'm losing and I know what I'm gaining. I'm giving up what you would think of as a 'normal' life in exchange for the life I _want_ to have. No, more than that – the life I never even thought could be mine. What the Doctor and I have is everything I've ever wanted. You may not think he can offer me the important things, but what he gives me is more than anyone else ever has or ever could."

Rose looked at the Doctor, her heart clenching almost painfully from the love she felt for this man. How could she even put it into words? She continued softly. "You don't know him, Mum. Not really. Not like I do. And what I feel for him…what I've _always_ felt for him, it's…it's just…" Rose broke off as tears stung her eyes. This really wasn't something she could ever articulate adequately for anyone – even the Doctor. It ran far deeper than mere words.

Jackie could see that Rose was clearly head-over-heels for him. She feared Rose's emotions were keeping her from seeing any of this objectively. Jackie turned to the Doctor then, her gaze sharp as a blade. Rose was right, Jackie thought. She really _didn't_ know this bewildering alien who had turned their lives upside-down the moment he entered the scene, and it was high time she learned more.

"And what about you, then? Because I _do_ want to know more. How many others have there been that you've seduced by showin' them such impossible things and givin' huge promises? You can take people places and show them things no one else could – the whole daft _universe_. Do you know how much power that gives you over people's lives and hearts? And if my daughter is just another one on a list of those you've…"

"Jackie," he finally cut her off, "I can swear to you that this sort of thing is _not_ something I do often, if ever. Yes, there have been others who have traveled with me. Many others. But not like this. I've cared for them all – probably more than you could understand given your mindset on this. But _this_, though…it's…" He shook his head, frustrated that he couldn't put this into words, because he still didn't have a good grasp of it himself. "I had never even planned for this to happen," he went on. "And I certainly didn't set out with a plot to seduce your daughter. But this just…it…I don't even know how to explain it, really. But it…"

Rose took in a calming breath, knowing they all needed to stop and do the same. "Can we all please just sit down and talk about this, Mum? That's why we came here in the first place. I'm a grown woman and I've made my own choice in this, but I wanted you to know about this part of my life, too – to know how I feel in my heart and to be a part of this. I love you _both_."

With tension radiating from all three, Jackie consented to at least hear them out as they made their way back to the parlor. If nothing else, she wanted to get away from the refrigerator and the image she feared it would forever conjure up. A randy alien ravishing her daughter – _not_ exactly what she wanted to think about every time she went to eat.

Jackie took the couch and the Doctor the armchair to the left side, with Rose next to her mum on the couch, between them both. Rose was still planning what to say when her mum started back in on the Doctor. She wasn't finished with him by a long shot.

"I want to know one important thing first," Jackie asked directly once they'd sat. "Is my daughter safe? Have you thought of and seen to that? And this time I'm not just talkin' about being safe from the danger she's in out there every day in heaven only knows where. I mean is she safe from you? Gettin' sick an' all, I mean. I can't even imagine how many alien diseases you could give her, from…from Venus and Mars and…Pluto, even."

Rose buried her face in her hands, mortified with this line of questioning. "Mum…"

Ignoring the discomfort of the other two in the room, Jackie plowed ahead. "You bloody well need to think of this too, Rose." She shot her gaze back to the Doctor. "And what about some sort of…hybrid-alien pregnancy? The way you two were goin' at it against the fridge, it's obvious what you've been up to behind closed doors. Have you even thought about that sort of thing?"

The Doctor fisted his hands against his thighs, clenching and unclenching the fabric of his trousers. He now knew exactly why he had tried to avoid this sort of encounter with Jackie. Was it possible to be made to feel any more uncomfortable, or for her questions to be any more prying? He wasn't going to make a quip of asking that, though. He feared the answer.

"I don't have any…Venusian, Martian, or Plutonian diseases, as you put it. The most likely thing I could transmit to Rose would be Xyphorian flu, and I haven't had that in about two-hundred years. And as for the other matter, it's…we're not…not even biologically compatible in that way without genetic modification. And even then the odds would be extremely low, if not impossible. I'm different, Jackie," he reminded her tersely.

Jackie's eyebrows rose high as she eyed him with much more scrutiny than the Doctor could possibly be comfortable with. His discomfort grew steadily as her gaze roamed. He had to fight to keep still and not shift and squirm. What he wouldn't have given for a concealing throw pillow….

"Just how _different_ are you?"

Before she could probe more embarrassingly-deep than she already had, Rose quickly intervened. "He doesn't mean like _that_, Mum. Now can we please move on from this topic?"

"Alright," Jackie consented, deciding she really didn't want to know the details in _that_ regard anyway. There was something more she wanted to know about him, though. She narrowed her gaze at the Doctor once more, making him tense up again after only getting a few second's reprieve. "But I'll ask this, and I expect an answer. How exactly do you feel about Rose? 'Cause she's said plain as day exactly how she feels, but you haven't. You haven't said anything about that at all, actually. All you've said is that you didn't even mean for this to happen. Not exactly words of commitment, now is it?"

The Doctor's mouth went as dry as the Sahara. His eyes darted to Rose and she could see him struggling. He'd scarcely even said it to her in terms of words. And he wasn't exactly the type to go around proclaiming it to anyone else. With Jackie's expectant eyes boring into him, though, he at least put forth some sort of effort. "I…that is to say…I've made it known that…in specific terms, that is…that…Rose's feelings are reciprocated."

Jackie rolled her eyes. "Oh, would you just speak English? You can't even say it! And that tells me that you obviously don't even–"

"Mum," Rose cut in, deciding this had gone far enough, "I know you have your doubts in him, but I _don't_. And you know why? Not because I'm too blinded by my feelings to see the truth, but because I _know_ the truth. I know the Doctor and I trust what we have together. We're not just…just sleepin' together, like you think. I tried to tell you that it's more than that. _This_ is what we came here to tell you."

Rose looked at the Doctor, drew in a long breath and went for it, hoping her mum was at least now calm enough to hear it. "He married me. It wasn't exactly planned, but he did. He did," she repeated quietly, still more than a little amazed herself. "And then he gave a part of himself to me that's so much more than anyone else ever could. And then after, he had a chance to change and undo it all, but he didn't. We both chose this."

For once, Jackie Tyler was finally stunned into silence. She honestly wasn't sure how to even react to such a revelation. She didn't know if she should be relieved by this or even more alarmed. Alarmed was winning out at the present moment. One thing was totally certain: She had never expected Rose to pop home for tea and deliver _this_ sort of news.

Her daughter had married an _alien_.

"You're…you're…_what_?!" she finally managed in reply, mouth agape and eyes darting between the two. She suddenly felt a little dizzy. Had she even heard Rose right?

"You're married," she repeated faintly, her expression shell-shocked. "You just…just…up and got married – _married_ – without so much as telling me first, or…or…"

"We couldn't," Rose cut in. "The circumstances were…unusual."

"Obviously," Jackie murmured.

"The TARDIS wasn't even functional at the time," the Doctor added. "We came straight here the first chance we had. Well, er…" He tugged on his earlobe, thinking of how hard he'd tried to avoid the visit. Saying they came straight here was perhaps just a wee bit of a stretch.

Jackie's eyes flew to him and were stuck there. It was extremely difficult for her to believe that the Doctor could even be the marrying kind. He was an alien who didn't even remain the same man, much less settle down in one place. She might not know everything about him, but even looking from the outside, he seemed to thrive on change. He lived to roam. Was he someone who could really and truly commit to one woman?

"Why don't we just start from the beginning here?" Rose suggested as she released a heavy breath.

This was going to be a long afternoon.

-:-:-:-

By the time Jackie had been told the entire story of Zobulan, she had tears in her eyes. She had never felt so many assorted emotions at one time. Her daughter and only child was now married, and she had not been able to be a part of it or even witness the event. Yet the marriage was one that had not even been planned. They had both accepted it after the fact, though, and said they were trying to make it work. Once she had a little time to begin to process it a small degree, Jackie hoped her daughter really _could_ find happiness in this whole daft situation with this impossible man, but she was practical enough to see at least a few of the major obstacles facing them.

For one thing, the Doctor had already admitted that he wasn't the type of man to get into this kind of relationship. Now that he had, was he really going to be there for Rose, for better or for worse, for the rest of her life? To say they were an unequal match was an understatement, in her mind. Rose would age and he would not. He could change into a different man entirely. They weren't even the same species or from the same world. The differences between them were staggering.

Jackie looked at the Doctor steadily, measuring this man before her and his reaction to her next question. "You say you're both committed to tryin' to make this work. Okay, that's a start, and I'm glad for that, at least. But have you _really_ thought it through? What about in forty or fifty years from now? What about when Rose starts gettin' old and you don't? What happens when she can't run with you in this mad life of yours? What then? Do you drop her back on Earth and move on?"

"_No_," came his immediate answer. There was an ancient pain behind his reply, but his answer was no less steady. "I already told Rose once in the past that I wasn't going to just leave her behind one day. Not her," he said strongly, yet his stomach twisted just in thinking of this topic.

He wasn't going to bring up the technological advances available to him for extending Rose's life someday. Jackie had enough to process for now. Plus, even with added decades, there were an infinite number of ways he could still lose her all too soon, just as he had everyone else in his life. But he was trying very, very hard (albeit with marginal success) to live in the here and now, and did not want to dwell on that any more than he already had.

Jackie persisted. "But one day she'll be old and you won't. At least you won't feel it or look it. How are you gonna–"

"Mum, that doesn't matter," Rose cut in. "Not for us." Her words were spoken with genuine honesty, but also with a simplistic and naïve view that the Doctor did not have the luxury of sharing due to the scars he'd received in his exceedingly-long life.

"It does matter," the Doctor corrected with quiet intensity. His eyes met and held Rose's then, raw and honest. "I…I eventually lose the people who are close to me, and I can't pretend like that doesn't hurt or strip away a part of my soul every time. It's a curse that follows me always. And it will take away what Rose and I have someday. I know that."

Rose's eyes were solemn as she swallowed down the rising lump in her throat and reached over to take his hand.

He squeezed it once, finding the strength to continue. "But the fear of that almost took this away before it even existed, because I didn't want to have to face it at all." The Doctor swallowed forcibly. "What Rose and I have isn't perfect. Nothing in life ever is. I know that better than anyone. But we're both willing to give this a chance even still. That's the only promise I can make to you, Jackie. That might not be good enough, but that's all I can give."

Jackie looked between the two of them. This was not the life she would have ever chosen for her daughter. But then, Rose's life was Rose's own to dictate. She sometimes had to remind herself that her child, whom she had cared for all alone and protected fiercely, was now an adult. She had lost Rose to the stars the moment the Doctor had come into her life. All Jackie could do now, as any parent could when their child was of age, was to love and support her and hope she was happy.

Jackie didn't know what the future would hold for them, and despite the Doctor's best efforts, something told her this Time Lord might very possibly break Rose's heart one day, whether he intended to or not. But right now Rose was happy. Right now Rose clearly loved him more than she had ever loved another. She would have to settle for that, and hope Rose's happiness could last.

"Well, I s'pose that's it, then," Jackie said with resignation. There was certainly more she would want to say at some point, but she needed time to process this first. "Why don't we all at least…have a proper dinner together. We can talk more after that. And tomorrow, too."

The Doctor looked at Rose with growing unease, a look that was becoming familiar as of late. This one afternoon had tested his limits. Another round of this in the same day might prove too much. To say nothing of the prospect of _two_ days.

"We…we really should be moving on," he reasoned. "The TARDIS still has some final adjustments that need to be made sooner rather than later, and…that sort of thing." He scratched at the back of his neck, grappling for a way to escape. "And then there's the issue of squash courts one through fifteen. _Hopefully_ one through fifteen. I still haven't double checked. Could be one through six-and-a-half for all I know…"

Jackie threw him a boggle-eyed expression. Nothing new, really.

"We'll come back soon though, okay?" Rose tried to mollify. "I promise."

Jackie was prepared to object, but she could sense that the Doctor and Rose still had quite a bit of adjusting to do between them. As much as she wished Rose would stay longer, she realized maybe it was best for them to move on and begin to sort things out on their own in this new situation. She couldn't do it for them, after all.

"Just…just don't stay away too long, yeah? I still want to have a proper visit and talk more. Much more."

"I'm sure you do," the Doctor muttered under his breath as he stood.

Rose stood up and moved to embrace her mum. "We will," she assured Jackie as she hugged her tight. "That's a promise."

"Just keep her safe," Jackie implored the Doctor as she released her daughter, and Rose turned with the Doctor to head back into the TARDIS. "And I'm not just talkin' about her life, but her heart, too."

The Doctor paused and met her beseeching eyes with a somber look before nodding his head. "I'll always do my best."

"She's all I have, Doctor," Jackie added softly, entreating him to understand the depth of her love and concern.

"Then we have that in common," he answered her quietly. The Doctor turned toward the TARDIS.

"And at least give her a proper honeymoon!" she called out as he slipped inside his impossible machine.

"Love you, Mum!" Rose called back with an affectionate smile as she followed him through the door and disappeared inside.

Jackie released a long sigh as the familiar whirring and grinding of the TARDIS began, grew louder, and then faded as the sight of the ship did the same. There was still so much she wanted to ask and wanted to say. Did Rose think the two of them would ever settle down some day? Did Rose realize that if they didn't, she would keep on changing until one day she might not even be the same Rose Tyler anymore?

The conversation could wait until another day, she decided. And as much as she still wanted to give the Doctor a good slap for sweeping Rose up into this kind of life in the first place, a part of her held a warm spot in her heart for the man who was willing to put aside his deeply-etched fears in order to do what he did for Rose when she was nearly forced into marrying another. And now he was at least willing to make an effort with upholding this.

The next time she saw him, she just might even give that daft alien an enormous hug and kiss for all of that. Maybe.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N** I'm going to have to scale back to only weekend updates after this now that Christmas break is ending and I'll be back to the pace of class and working clinical rotations. But so long as your interest remains in this story, then you can bet that you'll keep me motivated to put in the effort to update every weekend!

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**Chapter 5**

The Doctor had resumed his unfinished work on the TARDIS nearly the minute he and Rose stepped back in the ship and were safely and swiftly into the Vortex. He had been pulled exceedingly far outside of his comfort zone in regards to the whole exchange with Jackie, and this helped to put him firmly back into his element, grounding him once again.

Rose had joined in helping work alongside him, just as she always had. Those first few moments back alone together could have been…tense. Maybe they _should_ have been tense. It had been an awkward enough afternoon for all concerned, to be sure. But the potential awkwardness seemed to be avoided by avoiding talking about it altogether. The Doctor was relieved that Rose didn't bring up their visit with her mum or delve further into the issues Jackie had raised. It seemed to be silently agreed upon that she wasn't going to push him to talk about those things beyond what had already been said. He was cognizant of the fact that Rose was always so good about that. She had an uncanny instinct for knowing just when to nudge him to open up and when to give him space and let things be.

He would never deserve her, he knew that much, at least.

Even though their visit with Jackie was behind them and they were moving on without further discussion, the Doctor couldn't help but think about Jackie's parting words. Not the ones about keeping Rose safe. That was always on his mind, with or without Jackie's admonishment. It was the suggestion of giving Rose a honeymoon that was tugging at his thoughts. Surprisingly, he was actually considering it.

The very idea sounded entirely too human and not to mention too domestic. But while he was neither of those things, Rose was both. Well, maybe not entirely domestic considering she now lived amongst the stars – had even just insisted to her mum that she didn't want a 'normal' human life. But still…when it came to things like honeymoons, maybe Rose would appreciate observing that human ritual. Maybe she even expected it. He really didn't know, a bit lost as he still was in all this. And regardless of the label it was given, he _had_ been planning to take Rose somewhere nice and relaxing soon, the idea coming to him back when they had been on Zobulan as a way to make up for the tireless work Rose had put in alongside him in restoring the TARDIS.

Maybe the lavender beaches of Crystalina would be an appropriate destination right about now, he thought. Or perhaps even an entire leisure planet. He ticked off the short list of a few thousand that came to mind. Narrowing it down considerably, he gave consideration to one in particular known solely as Paradise. Surely that would do.

Rose deserved a bit of paradise if he could give her that, considering their lives rarely fit that definition. It was also a place the Doctor had never actually visited. He was familiar with it but had never gotten around to seeing it first-hand. He was always up for somewhere new. Maybe they could do with the distraction of some activities, too.

A bit of fun might help to get them back in the flow of their usual camaraderie and ease. Maybe it could distract him from the rather consuming thoughts of the very recent moment of passion between him and Rose in Jackie's kitchen, too. He'd nearly lost control…_again_. And being alone together in the confines of the TARDIS wasn't helping with his new-found urge to possess Rose's mind.

From his position of contemplation beneath the console, the Doctor pocketed the sonic and pinched the bridge of his nose. _Blimey_, what was becoming of him?

It was as if he'd reverted to being an adolescent of one hundred who'd never had a Bond Mate and was woefully inexperienced. That wasn't the case, though. He was nearly a millennia old, having existed for centuries with the presence of his entire race in his mind, only to have it snuffed out in an instant, his mind savagely stripped, left a silent abyss. Now he'd been given a vibrant glimmer of life and resonance in the form of his newly-forged link to Rose, and like a gale-force wind against a candle, he had to learn to contain himself lest he smother it.

Nothing difficult about that, right?

The Doctor sighed. What he wouldn't have given right about then for another jar of jam. But then, that thought unavoidably took him on a loop right back again to other wayward thoughts and… _Rassilon_, was his life ever once just going to be simple?

-:-:-:-

Finally finished with his work and satisfied that the TARDIS could now handle what he had in mind, the Doctor pulled himself up and brushed off his signature brown pinstripes as he made the suggestion for their next destination, catching Rose by surprise by his sudden cheery mood.

She noticed how he had been uncharacteristically quiet since their return – not that she had any question as to why. And she'd thought that he would have been brooding for a bit longer after the afternoon with her mum. She suspected that he _was_ still a little broody over it. But then, he was never one to dwell for too long. Always onwards and upwards. Or at least, he always attempted it.

He clapped his hands together with enthusiasm as he took his rightful place at the controls. "Now that the TARDIS is feeling more like her old self again, I think a proper celebratory trip is in order. What'd you say, Rose Tyler?"

Rose stood up from the jump seat and moved to join him at the controls. He waggled his eyebrows at her in that way which always made her stomach flutter, but now had the ability to cause her stomach do an all-out somersault. Not to mention that spark of wanderlust in his eyes was infectious.

"Is she well enough for more travel now?" Rose questioned, excited at the prospect. They'd previously been on Zobulan so long, comparatively speaking, and it felt like it had been forever since they'd been somewhere new.

"Well enough," he affirmed. "Still a little…queasy. But I think she can handle this."

"Where are we going?" Rose asked with a sparkle in her eyes that mirrored his own. For all the ways in which the two might differ, both were reminded again of the ways they matched so perfectly.

"_That_," he annunciated with grand effect and a flourishing spin of a dial, "is a surprise. But I think… No, I _know_ you're going to like it. The destination I have in mind is a veritable paradi–" He broke off, his brow furrowing deeply as he studied the console's monitor.

"What's wrong?" Rose asked, immediately noting his change in demeanor.

"The differential automatic system is going into a state of synchronic feedback. I specifically set this to a harmonic wave pattern, but now it's recalibrating. It's like it's just…"

Rose moved up directly beside him, peering at the monitor. The TARDIS shook slightly, and she could almost feel the wave of dread pass over the Doctor.

"No," he murmured. "No, no, no, no, no! Not again." He rushed around to the other side of the console, pulling levers at a frantic pace as he shouted. "Not again!"

"Doctor, what is it?" she asked in alarm as the shaking grew stronger, pitching her to the side. She grabbed the edge of the console to steady herself.

"The transit switch is destabilizing. I'm trying to reverse it, but–" Another jolt shook them both as they gripped the console tightly. "Rose, hold on tight! I'm going to manually override the transit switch."

There was one more jostling tremor, and then all was perfectly, blessedly still.

The Doctor stood immobile, looking almost as if he was afraid to move.

Rose took a step back from the console and swept her eyes around the room with caution. There was no smoke, no sparks, no flames like the last time. After those few bumps, everything was now calm.

Rose let out the tense breath she had been holding. "What just happened?"

The Doctor released his white-knuckled grip on the console and cautiously moved back to the monitor. "We…we landed."

He slowly lifted his eyes to hers, and simultaneously they let out a laugh of relief. Rose moved towards him and threw her arms around him in a hug of celebration.

"A bit shaky, but it could've been worse," she commented, easing back with a grin.

His matching grin vanished from his face at the thought. "Oh, don't say that. We are _never_ going to experience a 'worse' landing again if I can help it. Not ever."

Rose slipped her hand into his and gave his palm a squeeze. She knew a part of him still felt guilty over their previous crash, even though it had been out of his control. That's what unsettled him so much about it. The loss of control reminded him that he did not always have the ability to keep her safe.

"But we made it through – then and now. We always will," she added with a shrug of confidence.

The corners of his lips turned up in pride and affection. He loved her bold assurance.

"Now c'mon," she urged with a tug on his hand. "I believe you promised me an impressive destination."

They approached the doors of the TARDIS to explore their new location with matching grins of anticipation. As the Doctor and Rose stepped across the threshold, the Doctor delighted, as he always did, in Rose's reaction to where he had taken her.

Warmth from radiant twin suns washed over her face as she emerged, her body caressed by a tranquil breeze. "_Oh_, isn't this just beautiful!" Rose exclaimed as she took in the view.

They had come to land atop a lush grassy crest, with the scape of an azure-blue ocean seen in the far-off distance behind them. The climate was tropical, with a wide array of exotic flowers growing freely through the fertile terrain surrounding them, adding vivid splashes of color against the deep emerald foliage. Their sweet scent filled the air like a delightful perfume. The sky above was a soft fuchsia, like that of a rose-tinted sunset at dusk. Before them, set amongst the rolling hills, was the center of the city, dotted with picturesque Grecian-style architecture of stone, with many displaying expansive porticos. The buildings themselves seemed to compliment rather than contrast the landscape, comprised of smooth white stone and rooftops of a shimmering iridescent surface that reflected back the color of the sky. Despite the warmth of their present location, in the far distance, towering mountains were crowned in caps of gleaming snow.

Rose turned a full circle, taking in the pleasing vista at once. "This is like…like…"

"Welcome to Paradise," a male voice greeted them from behind.

"Exactly!" Rose exclaimed, turning to meet their greeter.

A man of dark hair and smooth orange-bronze skin met them with a welcoming smile as he stepped out of a small hovering transport shuttle that had just arrived at their location. He wore simple linen trousers in light blue and a tunic-length crisp white shirt. He looked to be mid-thirties by human standards. The man was some sort of working professional, if the electronic ledger in his right hand was anything to go by.

"We are always happy to welcome new visitors," he said genially, though he flicked a disapproving gaze toward the TARDIS that was now squashing what was once a lush flowering shrub. Thus the enhanced floral scent wafting through the immediate vicinity. "Typically, however, arrivals are made through the Northern docking port where the Registration Center for this district is located. The navigation systems of our guests' ships are given complimentary directions upon entering orbit." He threw another sidelong glance at the TARDIS, parked brazenly in an undesignated area.

The Doctor cleared his throat. "Ah, yes. Weeell, our navigation system operates on a bit of a different…frequency, you could say. The ship operates a bit differently in many respects, actually." He gave the worn wooden side of the TARDIS an affectionate pat.

"We're sorry," Rose interjected, since the Doctor obviously wasn't going to. Rude, and all that. "We can move. Arrive through the…Northern port, was it?"

The man maintained a pleasant tone, longsuffering no doubt borne of daily interactions with species who didn't always follow the rules but had to be treated with courtesy none the less. "No need. You can sign in from here if you'd like. Afterwards I can accompany you to the city and acquaint you with the layout of the district."

"Oh, I'm sure we can manage on our own, but thanks," the Doctor put in mildly. "Give me five minutes and I could probably tell you more about this entire planet than you know yourself."

Rose was certain the man was fighting the urge to roll his eyes. "Yes, well, I've no doubt you manage to get around quite well on the merit of your knowledge alone. But there are protocols to be followed, you know."

"Hmm," the Doctor responded dryly. "S'pose even a leisure planet can't be all about enjoyment, now can it?"

Rose threw him a '_behave'_ look. "We appreciate your offer, thank you."

He nodded, grateful that at least one of them was cooperative. "Have you made reservations through the Interstellar Booking Agency, or did you book direct?" he questioned politely.

Rose looked to the Doctor with an expectant smile. In planning this impromptu destination, he had overlooked the little detail of booking their stay. Along with knowing where to park.

He rubbed a hand up the back of his neck. "Er…we'll be registering today, actually. We don't always book in advance. We're more the spur-of-the-moment type." He ended the statement with a lopsided grin.

The man's expression bordered on exasperated and clearly said, _'what a surprise.' _"All types, species, organisms and those of artificial intelligence are welcome in Paradise," he answered, giving the rehearsed line as he looked to his ledger to see if there were any accommodations available. "But unfortunately I can't always guarantee that 'spur-of-the-moment types' will find available lodging."

The Doctor frowned and fished in his coat for the psychic paper while Rose suppressed a snicker.

He looked up from his ledger. "Today, however, you seem to be in luck."

"Of course we are!" the Doctor beamed, putting away the psychic paper he was beginning to think he would need in order to up his credentials and get a reservation.

"We have a few suites still available in the Serenity District."

The Doctor rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "The Serenity District, eh? Weeell, I suppose that will do. Sounds a bit boring, though."

Rose shot him another look, but was beginning to wonder why she bothered. "I'm sure it's lovely."

The Doctor produced a credit chip from somewhere in the limitless depths of his coat pocket, paying for a week in advance. He didn't really expect to stay that long in one place, but he wasn't sure just how long Rose might want to be here.

The man took down their information and introduced himself as Jaise Daax, supervisor of Guest Services for the district. The monitoring center's alert of their unconventional arrival meant a person in registration had to intercept them. This was their busy season and they were short-staffed at the moment, so the job had fallen to him. It wasn't something that happened often. Most guests arrived through the authorized registration ports. Those who didn't were typically a headache for the staff, constantly breaking the simplest of protocols.

Jaise already had the Doctor pegged as such but hoped he was wrong. If not, it was going to be a long week. He maintained an air of pleasant customer service none the less. "There we are. Your registration is now complete, and I hope you enjoy your stay with us. Now, if you will follow me, it will be my pleasure to escort you through the city. Your registration entitles you to shuttle service anywhere throughout the district. Do you prefer transport or to go on foot?"

"Oh, it's so gorgeous…why don't we walk?" Rose suggested. The Doctor agreed.

He took a final glance back at the TARDIS. She'd had trouble landing here and he'd thought it was her systems still working out the kinks. The Doctor could feel now that it was because the surrounding timelines were in a bit of a jumble here. He didn't sense danger. Just ripples on the surface of Time's fabric causing a bit of turbulence. But that was nothing new for him. Time was in a fluid state, ever changing from place to place. He passed it off, determined to stay and let Rose have a good time.

Rose linked her arm through the Doctor's as they began down the fertile grassy crest. "Isn't this lovely!" she said with excitement as she gazed about.

He gazed down at her warmly, his other myriad of thoughts taking a temporary back seat. Rose's smile always seemed to have that effect on him. "You like it, then?"

"Yeah," she answered softly. It sounded cheesy, even in her thoughts, to describe herself as being lost in his eyes; but it couldn't be helped when he looked at her in that way.

They took in the sights as they went, following their escorting host who led the way down a winding path toward the picturesque city.

"So," Rose began, "they call this place Paradise. Have you ever been here before?"

Her question caused the Doctor to have a moment of reflective pause. There was an odd feeling this place gave him the longer he was here. He couldn't really put his finger on what it was, but it was almost as if he _had_ been here before, even though he knew this was the first time.

"Not as such, but I'm familiar with it," he answered back. "This is a first-class leisure planet, popular throughout this side of the Andromeda Galaxy. It's been here for quite some time. It began as a settlement colonized by the people of Rajara. The history here is quite interesting, actually. The Rajara's own planet was on the verge of destruction, about to burn."

"Like Earth one day," she mused, recalling her first trip with the Doctor.

"Mmm, yes," he reminisced. "And so, they set out to find a new homeworld. The stories say that when they came here this planet was nothing more than an uninhabited wilderness. The Rajara are well advanced in the realm of engineering and were able to transform this place into a veritable, well, paradise. It also boasts of quite a few technological marvels. We wouldn't even need the TARDIS' translation circuits while here. They have their own rather impressive translation system that covers the entire planet. It's an interesting place in its own right. I just never got around to visiting here myself until now because…well…it's a leisure planet. Generally speaking, I tend to aim for worlds that need saving. More action, less…serenity."

Their guide had silently listened to the exchange from ahead. He glanced back as he commented. "Your knowledge of our planet's history is impressive," Jaise noted, not mentioning that the Doctor sounded a bit pompous to boot. He saved worlds, did he? Too bad this boastful newcomer wasn't also as knowledgeable when it came to simple arrival and parking procedures.

The Doctor shrugged. "I get around more than most." He again took in their surroundings with mild appreciation, but narrowed his eyes as the city came into closer view.

"What is it?" Rose asked, noting his keen focus as she followed his line of sight.

"It's just…the city."

"It's gorgeous," she remarked.

"It's…familiar," he finally voiced. He rapidly cast his mind back through 900-plus years of memories. _Had_ he been here before? There was something that was niggling at him in an unpleasant way. He didn't like having a feeling of uncertainty for any reason.

Rose shrugged. "You've been to an awful lot of places. I s'pose there's bound to be some that seem familiar after awhile."

"Maybe…," he murmured, but something just felt off.

The more he focused on it the more aware he became of something else that was disconcerting to him about this place. The Doctor could feel that time here was not just a little wobbly. It was in full flux, and that unsettled him. That meant anything could happen. What unsettled him even more was that the fluctuating timelines centered around himself and Rose. Being that he now couldn't see _either_ of their projected timelines clearly, he had no idea what this might bring about.

He had to remind himself that this didn't necessarily spell disaster. Some moments were fixed and others in flux. That was one of the basic Laws of Time. The Doctor pondered this for a minute more and decided this time to just let it go. They were here to enjoy themselves, and for once he determined to try to do just that.

He already had enough weighing on his mind as it was. Not the least of which being that he needed to work out how he was now going to spend a private holiday with Rose while trying to learn how to control his reaction to her whenever they were even remotely close.

One way or the other, this was no doubt going to be an interesting trip.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N **The honeymoon commences. Now if the Doctor & Rose can just agree as to what that should entail…

* * *

**Chapter 6  
**

Directed by their guiding host, the Doctor and Rose reached the active center of the leisure city. They had chosen to walk the short distance from where the TARDIS had materialized atop a nearby crest, and now ambled along down a designated pedestrian route. The main thoroughfare through the city was a flowering tree-lined boulevard, the budding branches forming an archway over the paved white streets in an exotic rainbow of vivid colors. There was a steady flow of those both on foot and traveling by vehicle. The city's transportation shuttle system consisted of compact, auto piloted hover vehicles that looked almost like floating glass spheres that cruised up and down the bright, blossom-lined streets. Despite the bustle of activity, there was a lack of grating noise and frenetic energy that typically accompanied a busy city scene, replaced instead by a serene sense of leisure.

The trio came to a stop outside a designated guest village that consisted of a cluster of individual private suites, made of the same smooth white stone that comprised most of the city's buildings, the similar designs presenting copious amounts of tall glass windows and arched porticos, lending an open, airy feel to the structures.

Their feet crunched beneath a layer of fine white pebbles as they followed a curving manicured pathway leading to their own private suite. They crossed under an arched entranceway, and now that they had registered and booked their temporary dwelling, a facial recognition system let them in through the double-glass doors.

"And here we are," Jaise announced as the three stepped inside. "Suite number 73 in the District of Serenity, just off Harmony Boulevard. You're fortunate that I was able to secure you a Primary Tier dwelling on such short notice this time of the season."

Very fortunate, Rose was inclined to agree as she took in the appealing interior. It was the perfect size – small and intimate but lavish, with a sitting lounge in the center offering cozily arranged lounges in rich shades of cream and burgundy atop a plush burgundy rug. To the right was a welcoming kitchen with tall windows letting in warm light to encompass the refined eating space. It also provided the modern convenience of an automated food preparation system. And through a lofting archway to the left was the bedroom suite.

Their guide familiarized them with the various rooms and amenities and acquainted them with the use of the suite's message system – a small white sphere about the size of a cricket ball that hovered in the air when activated. It was programmed to recognize the occupants of the suite and would seek them if a message awaited. Rose noticed with fond amusement that the Doctor was more interested in that than the attractive décor, which she herself was admiring with a little more appreciation.

With the tour complete, their host excused himself and wished them a pleasant stay. It was clear he needed to get back to his regular duties after tending to their unexpected arrival. He'd been very hospitable and welcoming none the less, and Rose was glad the Doctor had managed to refrain from any more instances of inadvertent rudeness. At least for the time being.

While the Doctor focused his curiosity on the various automated systems throughout, Rose took another tour through the elegant rooms, ending in the sumptuous bedroom suite. It, too, had an impressive interactive system that was housed within what looked from the outside to be a wardrobe closet. The exterior was made of carved white wood, an attractive contrast to the room's rich burgundy walls. From within, the state-of-the-art apparatus was designed to produce just about any type of clothing one might wish. Their guide had explained that a Primary Tier dwelling allotted guests a choice of creating three sets of clothing each day – morning, noon and evening wear – eliminating the need to bring luggage for those who wanted to travel light.

Attached to the room was a lavish en-suite featuring a spacious round tub as the centerpiece. It was made of white marble and sat raised from the floor on a square marble base, with a series of three carved steps leading up to its circular rim. As she gazed at it with appreciation, Rose wondered if she could ever again think of bathing without recalling the intimate bath she had shared with the Doctor not long ago. He had been temporarily without sight and she had been temporarily without clothes, and all told it made for one of the most erotic experiences imaginable. Her temperature increased several degrees while pondering this particular tub now available to them and noting that it was spacious enough for two.

Tucking that thought away for later, she left the en-suite and stepped back into the bedroom. She gazed out the back doors made of glass which led to a secluded outdoor space. They overlooked a private enclosed veranda, with hanging vines and exotic flowers that formed a romantic canopy over the small enclosure. Turning around, Rose focused back inside the bedroom. The focal point of the room was the bed – large with four white pillars swagged in flowing burgundy fabric, matching the sumptuous linens that draped the bed. The color – though more maroon than crimson – brought Rose back to the vivid memory of the royal wedding bed she and the Doctor had shared on the planet where they had wed.

They had wed.

It was surreal. There was no other description for this turn of events. Rose still had to remind herself that it had really happened, and they were now at this new point. A strong surge of heat pulsed through her at the mere thought of what it was like to share herself with the Doctor in this way, on every level, body and mind. They had only been intimate a scarce few times; nonetheless, she could still feel his touch upon her skin every time she closed her eyes. And she could feel his touch upon her mind every time she focused on that faint, tingling sensation lingering at the very edge of her conscious awareness.

Just pondering it all and realizing what they now shared almost bordered on being too much (not that she was complaining, mind). Maybe with time it would become familiar and the thought of it all would seem commonplace, but right now there were times she had to try to put this new aspect of their relationship to the back of her mind if she was going to have any hope of focusing on anything else around her – which she had been rather unsuccessful at doing back in her mum's flat, she recalled with an ample blush. However, now that they were alone together on a trip that for all intents and purposes could be considered their honeymoon, Rose realized there was no longer a reason to hold back. None at all. She had noted, though, that the Doctor had not called this a honeymoon, but rather a _'celebratory trip.'_ The TARDIS being functional again was indeed something to celebrate, but they had another substantial reason to celebrate, too. Maybe it was time to remind him of that fact.

The two times she and the Doctor had made love those few days prior had been unbelievably intense and consuming. It only made her now crave more. She wanted him desperately, and his unspoken tentativeness that she was beginning to detect was nearly driving her mad with want. This wasn't about just wanting mere sex. It was about hungering for that intense intimacy with the man she loved beyond comprehension. It was about sharing a closeness that transcended words.

She loved the Doctor more than she once would have thought it possible to love another. She could sense him still holding back to some extent, though. Maybe now that TARDIS repairs and the hurdle of breaking the news to her mum was behind them, it was the right time to gently approach him as to why he was giving off signs of hesitancy. Perhaps he had just needed a period of adjustment to this undeniably-major step. The few days he'd now had were surely adequate, and maybe now he was just waiting for her to make the next move.

Rose gazed over her shoulder back out through the doorway of the room. The Doctor was still exploring somewhere else in the suite. It was time to find that Time Lord of hers and start making the most of this honeymoon.

She left the bedroom and walked back into the front sitting lounge. Rose found the Doctor absorbed in scrolling through the suite's interactive audiovisual interface that he had activated in the center of the room. It was currently displaying a holographic screen with the city's list of attractions and daily activities. The 3-D image was superimposed in front of him, and the Doctor looked like an enthusiastic kid in a sweet shop as he scanned through the various entertainment options available to them for exploration. His dark rimmed glasses framed his deep chocolate eyes, and his tongue pressed against the back of his upper teeth as a gorgeous, half-smile graced his face.

The sight of him reconfirmed to Rose that she was more than ready to offer him her own suggestion for the day's itinerary. She stayed off to the side and simply watched this complex man for a moment, warmth building low within her and spreading outward every time he would lick his lips or quirk an eyebrow or hum in that sensuously-adorable way when he read something that piqued his interest. She wondered what he would do if she simply walked straight up to him, guided him down onto the sumptuous couch, straddled his lap and boldly settled there as she pulled his lips to her own until those unlawfully-sexy glasses of his steamed over.

She was pulled from the fantasy and caught momentarily by surprise as the Doctor's head snapped up and caught her in his gaze. She didn't realize that he had even known she'd come back into the room.

"Rose!" he beamed brightly at her, then turned his eyes back to the holographic screen. "Look at this. They have anti-gravity skysailing within a contained environment off the cliffs of Paradise's North Shore. I haven't done that in years! And when I say '_years_,' well… Oooh, let's see? The last time was on Ghilipsi Seven when I was helping repair the gravitation stabilizers on their habitation deck. The…ah…incident of anti-gravity sailing wasn't strictly intentional. But it was still a lark! Weeell, until it cycled through the reboot loop and we landed…rather hard, actually. Oh! And look at this!" He pulled up another attraction on the screen with a scrolling flick of his fingers. "Midnight rock climbing on the phosphorescent bluffs of Mt. Luminosity. Although I've heard it's overrated. But still! We'll try anything once…that's us. We can add it to the evening's itinerary. And then there's this! Guided tours through Park Bliss up to the Disappearing Falls. It's not really a disappearing waterfall, mind you. It turns to vapor about two hundred meters down due to an abrupt change in temperature as it nears a hot spot in the planet's crust. Oh, and then there's also…"

He rambled on with gusto, but Rose was beginning to tune out the words. It was rather obvious that his ideas for their stay were quite different from hers. She had walked into the room feeling a measure of sureness about making her intentions very clear. But somehow, interrupting his tourism plans and stating in explicit detail what she wanted to do, while his mind, on the other hand, was apparently elsewhere, now just felt…awkward. Especially since they were only a few days into this new facet of their relationship as it was. Maybe some suggestive hinting rather than the direct approach might prove to be a better method, she decided.

He had gone silent and was now looking at her expectantly. Rose realized he was waiting for her to make a choice about their first activity.

She cleared her throat. "Umm, that all sounds…interesting an' all. But I was thinking maybe we could…y'know…maybe stay indoors…?"

His brows drew together in a crease, his expression clearly wondering, _'where's the fun in that?'_

_Oh, Doctor,_ she inwardly sighed. A slow grin then overtook his face. Maybe he was finally catching her drift after all.

Or not.

"Of course! I hadn't even looked into the planet's indoor activities yet. I'm sure the choices are endless. Let's see…"

He turned back to the interactive interface, giving the voice command for a new search. "Display indoor recreational activities near the District of Serenity. Filter by sub-search 'fun and games.'"

He glanced at her and gave a waggle of his eyebrows and a slightly smug smile, indicating he thought himself to be the cleverest being in the universe. And ordinarily he was. Just not in matters such as this, obviously.

Rose fought exasperation and the growing urge to roll her eyes. She had just recently learned that the Doctor could be the most intensely-passionate man she'd ever known when he was turned on and giving in. She just had to learn how to get him to that point. Just how do you seduce a Time Lord who'd spent centuries as, for the most part, a celibate being? One who still had hang-ups about being transparent and open? Then there was the fact that he seemed to have the ability to selectively control his desire. Which just wasn't in the least bit fair, really. Not when he could turn her on with a single look, intentional or not.

"Doctor," she spoke back up, interrupting his happy perusal of endless choices for 'fun and games.' "I didn't mean I wanted to leave here and go somewhere else indoors. I wanted to just stay…_here_." She moved closer toward him, placing a hand on his pinstriped sleeve. There was no physical tingling reaction to her touch, which told her his mind still wasn't headed in the same direction as hers. Hopefully that would soon change. She kept her eyes locked on his and spoke slowly. "After all, this is what could be considered…well…a honeymoon."

She could see his throat muscles tighten as he swallowed. That term was skating dangerously close to the domestic side. It felt a bit strange even to Rose when she said it, in thinking that such a term could apply to them. He nodded his head, though, and attempted to follow her same line of thought.

"Well…yes. I…suppose you could call it that. But…that's why I was suggesting all of these possible activities. This…well…what you called it – it's like a holiday. Isn't that the custom on Earth for this type of thing? See some sights, tour some attractions, and hop from one activity to the next…?"

Rose knew that being an actual participant in this sort of thing was new to the Doctor, but surely he was aware it involved more than that. Didn't he? She knew he was making an effort to meet her halfway by taking her on this trip in the first place – regardless of the title either of them assigned it. But they were going to have to cover a little more ground here if they were going to meet in the middle.

Rose moved her hand from his arm down to slide her fingers between his. She looked into his complex eyes, remembering with vivid clarity what it was like to have those eyes reflecting back at her as pools of fiery desire. If she had to remind him of that and teach him what a proper honeymoon should be like, she was more than willing.

"We can do all those things, too," she purred softly. "Later. But first I'd like to do something that involves just the two of us. Alone." Her other hand that wasn't occupied with fondling his own moved up to rest against his chest, stroking slowly down the silk of his tie. "Just you an' me…"

Rose could see the slight shift in the Doctor's countenance as her meaning became clear. She had a hazy memory of that same look from him when Cassandra had been in control of her body, tugging the Doctor's tie free and huskily naming him a '_Lady Killer' _(an accurate title, actually). It was that look of perceptible fright and wary uncertainty, yet now mixed with an undertone of dangerous exhilaration that reminded her that their relationship had actually reached this point – fully and completely. His level reply, however, also reminded her that he was alien – fully and completely.

"You want to stay here and engage in sexual copulation."

His blunt statement caught her off guard, gave her a zing of pure arousal, and caused her to bristle a bit at his matter-of-factness – all in one go.

Rose knew at that moment she was no doubt going to have her work cut out for her on this 'honeymoon.' But the most immediate task she currently faced was to form a reply.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N **Rose begins to realize there may be more of an issue between them than the Doctor is letting on, and it's going to have to be confronted.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

"_You want to stay here and engage in sexual copulation." _

_His blunt statement caught her off guard, gave her a zing of pure arousal, and caused her to bristle a bit at his matter-of-factness — all in one go. _

_Rose knew at that moment she was no doubt going to have her work cut out for her on this 'honeymoon.' But the most immediate task she currently faced was to form a reply. _

The trouble with forming a reply, Rose promptly realized, was that it tended to be difficult when one was temporarily left speechless. It took her a few seconds just to register the fact that _yes_, he really did just say that.

Rose sputtered on an answer when she finally managed one. "I didn't…that wasn't…you don't have to put it like _that_!"

She withdrew her hand from his and dropped the other that had rested upon the Doctor's chest. Understandably, the intimate position suddenly felt a touch…awkward. Rose recovered her composure and clarified. "And this isn't just about what _I_ want. Because if you don't want…this, too, then just forget it and we'll go climb a glowing mountain." Her eyes slid off to the side as she finished.

"That activity's not until dark," he helpfully pointed out.

"Right!" she snipped, taking a step back and waving curtly towards the door. "Then we'll go…skysurfing or…whatever."

There was a moment of silent tension between them. Rose cut her eyes back to him and could almost hear the words he had spoken just days before when they had been on the cusp of all this and he had openly expressed doubts.

'_You see? That's what I mean about all this. _Changes_. You'll expect things from me. Expect me to give and to be more than I can. That's just not who I am.'_

Rose closed her eyes. She had refuted his misgivings at the time, but maybe he had been right when he'd said that. Working through the inherent differences between them wasn't going to be as easy as she'd thought. And getting frustrated over it now certainly wasn't going to help matters.

She took a breath. "Doctor, I…I'm sorry," Rose began.

"No," he quickly answered back as he removed his glasses and pocketed them, "don't be sorry. This is all just a bit…different for both of us, eh? We're still trying to figure it out. And I'm just not…used to this sort of thing, Rose. Trying to read your signals, and knowing when to…" He thrust both hands through his wild hair, giving a frustrated tug. "And it's different with me. This sort of…involvement and what it entails doesn't always come naturally because not only were…physical relations nearly bred out of Time Lords altogether, but I've also spent a large portion of my life foregoing that type of thing."

"'S alright. I get it. I do," Rose replied hastily, feeling her cheeks flush. She was beginning to feel like an insatiable, walking mix of raging hormones, with him the one in possession of level-headed control.

Ironically.

He continued on, trying to salvage the situation. "But I can allow myself to reach a state of…" The Doctor then paused and cleared his throat. He looked Rose up and down, but with more the look of contemplation he would give the TARDIS when trying to figure out just what needed calibrating and how to go about doing it. "Um, just give me a moment," he said, his face bearing a look of concentration.

He was having to _concentrate_ on arousing himself, she concluded. Rose wasn't entirely sure, but she was pretty certain she was starting to feel, on a certain level, like a failure as a woman.

What she didn't know was that the Doctor was actually trying a stopgap measure of bolstering a few barriers so he could handle this without it completely overwhelming him. Because despite her belief, control was _not_ something he had been in the better possession of lately when faced with this sort of thing.

Unfortunately, the awkward delay as the Doctor attempted to augment his mental control did nothing to improve the circumstances for Rose. The flush that had heated her cheeks suddenly migrated to her entire body as embarrassment flashed through her in regards to this whole situation. Needless to say, she was steadily losing the mood.

Rose's eyes flicked to his – drawn together in concentration – then off to focus on a point somewhere over his shoulder. "Look, let's just…forget about this right now. We'll go see some sights and stuff. We'll just…get out for a bit, yeah?"

The Doctor took a step closer to her and gently placed a hand on her arm. But again, the touch did not trigger the telltale sign of his mutual desire, and it just made her all the more ready to shelve this conversation. That disappearing waterfall was sounding better and better.

"Rose, if you want to stay here…if you want to–"

"This isn't just about what I want," she reiterated. "And you're not the only one who has to be…in the mood for it. A woman needs that, too. And right now just isn't the best time, I don't think."

This was getting more awkward by the minute, and Rose hoped he would just let it drop. This sort of thing really _shouldn't_ be so difficult for them. The two had enough passion between them to rival a supernova. Their problem was in currently talking this to death and making an issue of it.

"This trip isn't what you were expecting," he stated flatly, and looking as if he'd failed on some level. What she knew he was saying was that _he_ wasn't what she had been expecting.

Rose shook her head, dispelling his words. "This trip is about moving forward and getting to know each other even better. Which is what we're doing right now. I'm not unhappy, Doctor. We're both different, but that's okay. And we're learning."

While she tried to sound assuring, the Doctor sounded as if he was beginning to doubt the whole trip. "Do you still want to stay here? On holiday, I mean? If you had something else in mind…"

She smiled reassuringly. "This is perfect." He frowned, not convinced. "It is. It doesn't matter where we are or what we're doing. I just love being with you – anywhere and everywhere and everywhen. Same as always. That hasn't changed."

"Me too," he confirmed softly, and the moment of rare candor reminded her of how fragile this level of openness was for him, yet also how far he'd come. They were still progressing, though; and for now they had plenty of time.

Her eyes flicked over to the screen beside them, still displaying endless choices of activities. "C'mon. What'd you say we go watch a waterfall disappear?"

He smiled back, the motion soon widening to a grin. "Brilliant."

-:-:-:-

The Doctor and Rose headed out and joined a guided excursion with a dozen or so other tourists through nearby Park Bliss up to Paradise's Disappearing Falls. Their guide, a middle-aged Rajaran woman who seemed a bit bored with this routine she'd been through countless times, soon got a little unwanted excitement by having the Doctor on her tour.

It didn't take long for the Doctor to grow uninterested with the guide's practiced lecture on the surrounding flora and fauna, and he just as quickly got on the nerves of their tour guide when he gave their group a much more vivid account of facts and tidbits, completely upstaging their accompanying expert. When Rose finally gave him one of those _You're Being Rude Again_ looks, he shrugged and left the lecturing to their guide and lost interest, wandering off the path to do his own exploring on the way to the top of the falls. He wasn't one to be guided on a set path when forging his own trail could prove much more interesting.

The Doctor was also hoping to get off for a bit and clear his head, and Rose seemed happily preoccupied with their group. It had become clear back in their suite that Rose wanted more intimacy between them right away, and all he had managed to do was disappoint her. It wasn't that he didn't want the same thing, even if it was something that had been all-but bred out of the Time Lord race, as he had told her (he always was a rebel, though). The problem, as he had already self-identified, was that he found himself wanting, needing, _craving_ more and more of her and their bond the closer they became. He had already frightened himself with his loss of control when they initially bonded without her consent – something he still felt substantial guilt over. Consequently, he didn't know if he could trust himself any further with this aspect of their relationship. Not yet. And so, he was currently doing what he did best by avoiding the issue altogether.

The Doctor idly kicked a pebble in his path as he trudged along in solitude. He knew he was going to be rubbish at this.

-:-:-:-

Rose had noticed the Doctor meandering off from their group. She muttered to herself about him having the cheek to ever say that _she_ had a penchant for wandering off. He was every bit as bad, if not worse. But she gave him a bit of space for a little while, thinking maybe it would do him some good. As she gave it more thought, she realized it was almost as if he was wandering off to look for trouble because he needed it. Now, whether he needed it to hold his interest because he was bored by their tour or needed it as a distraction from the two of them, she wasn't entirely sure.

Regardless of his reason, Rose finally followed after him a short time later, hoping to lead him back to their group before they were given a warning about staying on the designated trails. They had already misstepped this planet's simple protocols enough for one day.

As she veered off the beaten path and whacked thick foliage and branches out of her way, Rose passed a few _Danger, Keep Out_ signs and knew she was no doubt on the right track to finding him. That was just the sort of warning that would entice the Doctor to do the opposite.

She soon caught sight of him in a clearing up ahead. "Doctor?" Rose called out as she approached where he had come to a stop. "The trail goes back _this_ way."

He turned his head to her long enough to give a crooked grin. "Ah, but _this_ is where the fascination lies," he countered, spreading his arms as he surveyed the forested landscape ahead. "The fun is never to be had on designated trails, Rose Tyler. Remember that. Where would Columbus or Lewis and Clark or Zoogle and Mrosky have been if not for following that urge to explore? _This_ is where mysteries are uncovered and discoveries are made."

She shook her head fondly at his dramatics, which was really just a cover for breaking the rules. And she wasn't even going to ask who Zoogle and Mrosky were, or they'd be here all day.

"And just what grand discovery have you made by going off trail, hmm?" she asked, humoring him.

The Doctor peered off into the near-endless expanse of forest. "I have discovered…," he drew out the statement for maximum effect, "that this is a deceptively-dangerous area. Dangerous for the untrained eye, of course, but not for me. If one knows how to skirt danger while beholding its wonder, then this is a much more interesting path to take than the 'designated' one."

Rose considered the seemingly-harmless wooded scene before them. "What's so dangerous here, then?"

The Doctor reached down and picked up a sizable stone from the forest floor. He then flung it about five meters ahead. It sank through the ground and disappeared.

He gestured around them. "There are cracks in the ground through this area. All made be a clever little creature that's similar to an Earth-variety mole, but makes tunnels deep enough to swallow a person whole if one were to take the wrong step."

Rose looked down by her feet with sudden caution. "Just a guess, but that's _probably_ why they have signs in this area that say to keep out," she quipped.

He simply shrugged, but there was a look of distant contemplation on his face that seemed to go beyond this superficial conversation they were having.

There could have been an infinite number of complex reasons for that look, but considering this wasn't the ideal time or location to get into _that_ just now, Rose decided to go with the least complicated one. "Does this place still seem familiar to you?" she asked curiously.

The Doctor wrinkled his brow in deeper thought as he considered the question. "Not right here in particular, no. But this place still just seems a bit…"

"What?" she prompted.

"Time is a little bit…wobbly here," he admitted.

"Is that dangerous?"

"Not necessarily, no. But it's in a state of flux."

Rose had grown accustomed to terms like Fluctuating Timelines and Fixed Points and Established Events and Paradoxes and Altering the Causal Nexus of History, but she didn't have the profusion of possibilities etched in her marrow like a Time Lord.

"And that matters because...?"

He looked at her, face growing more serious. "Anything could happen."

They were interrupted by the sound of a shout from behind them. "Return from there at once!" their angry guide admonished, rapidly approaching and turning a deeper shade of orange.

"It appears we've been caught," he murmured to Rose.

"I warned you," she mouthed back.

"Just got a bit…turned around," he called out cheerily.

Rose patted his arm pityingly. "Luckily I came to his rescue. He'd be lost without me, this one would."

The flash of deep emotion crossing his face nearly distracted Rose from this typical predicament they were now in.

Their guide eyed them both with agitation. "If you had stayed with the group as instructed, that would not have happened. I'm going to have to log a report of this incident with Guest Services."

"Oh, do you have to?" the Doctor whinged. "Where's the fun in that?"

The woman's eyes narrowed. "Is this a game to you, going against regulations by engaging in recklessly-dangerous actions?"

The Doctor tilted his head in consideration. "_Well_…"

The woman bristled.

"That wouldn't happen to be…Jaise Daax you'll be reporting this to, would it?" Rose asked, afraid she already knew the answer.

She gave a short nod, pulling out a small data pad. "Indeed. He's the supervisor of Guest Services for this district."

"I was afraid so," Rose murmured. She and the Doctor were starting to develop a reputation.

The woman's copper-hued eyebrows rose high as she pulled up their registration data. "It seems this incident fits your behavioral profile that is already on file."

"Really?" the Doctor asked, seeming highly and inappropriately pleased.

"That wasn't a compliment," Rose whispered.

The woman finished her report and tucked her data pad away. "Now then, if you would _please_, come with me to rejoin the others. O_n. The. Trail_. If you stray from the boundaries again you will have to be dismissed from the tour, and the justifiable documentation is now on file if such action needs to be taken."

"Trouble in Paradise," the Doctor muttered as he grudgingly returned to permissible grounds. He was beginning to see why he wasn't cut out for honeymoons at all. Thank you, Jackie Tyler.

-:-:-:-

After their semi-eventful trip to the Disappearing Falls, the Doctor and Rose returned to do some more exploring around the city. He didn't speak again about the odd feeling he'd had about this place upon arrival, but Rose knew it was still somewhere in the back of his mind. Along with a million other things. That was one aspect of the Doctor's nature. He could literally have a symphony of thoughts, ideas, plans, concerns and issues spanning the galaxy all swirling through his mind at once. Sometimes it felt as if he was a thousand thoughts away from her, always darting ahead at the speed of light even when standing still. No wonder he always ran. It pulled him relentlessly from within.

Then there was the issue of them.

They had reached a bit of an understanding earlier in the suite. They would take their time with this and play it by ear. There were no rules. There was no guidebook to follow. This trip together didn't have to be some sort of obligatory romantic holiday. But if things _did_ move in that direction, Rose wasn't going to object. Their earlier attempt at romance had obviously not gone well, though. She suspected it wasn't so much that the Doctor wasn't familiar with how to go about having this kind of relationship – it was that he wasn't familiar with _allowing_ himself to have this kind of relationship.

Rose was also beginning to sense that this issue was more than just early awkwardness and unfamiliarity with the newness of this. It was something more. Was it the bond, she wondered? The whole concept of such a mental link was still a difficult one for her to grasp in some ways. It certainly wasn't a typical aspect of a relationship that she was in any way experienced with. There were questions she wanted to ask – more about this type of connection she wanted to learn.

The Doctor had been noticeably silent on the subject, though. He hadn't even mentioned it at all the past few days. Not since he had confessed its existence in the first place. She knew it wasn't because it was of little importance to him. She suspected it was the opposite.

Whatever the issue, there was more here than he was letting on, and it was going to have to be addressed at some point if they were going to truly begin to move forward.

-:-:-:-

Late afternoon found the Doctor and Rose poolside at the resort near the guest village. The outdoor watery oasis shimmered in a flushed pink hue, reflecting the fuchsia sky. The two lounged beside the pool of fresh, glistening water as they enjoyed the complimentary refreshments offered them. The design of the enormous pool itself was a sight to behold, comprised of multiple level tiers, central islands lush with colorful native foliage, and crystal-clear waterfalls. Despite the engineering that went into the grand waterscape, it conveyed a natural feel, with organic lines and curves edged in indigenous white stone with a floor of smooth pebbles.

The area was crowded, but so vast that finding a private spot could easily be attained if so desired. The Doctor and Rose had not sought one of the more private lounging areas, though. They stayed more where the activity was, as they had throughout the day. Guests of various planetary origins passed by around them, the cornucopia of species reminding Rose of her first trip with the Doctor to Platform One. Meanwhile he was regaling her of tales of the planet Kar Charrat, where water was a form of sentient life. His stories were certainly never boring, she had to credit him that, even though it meant she might have to give seemingly-innocuous water a bit more cautious scrutiny from now on.

After the two of them had spent a little time relaxing and crowd watching, Rose decided it was time they try out the inviting water for themselves, assuming that the water was indeed _just_ water and not a sentient life form, that is. Plus she felt a little out of place at the pool fully dressed and not in swim attire. She wanted to take advantage of the enticing water and unwind, feeling the warm sunlight washing over her skin. She wasn't half opposed to seeing the Doctor shed a few layers, either.

He had seemed a little reluctant at first, but Rose managed to coax the Doctor into agreeing to change and go for a swim.

They both went to respective pool huts to change, being told that they would find needed swimwear within. That was an elective decision. Apparently swimwear was optional, they were informed. Rose had then taken a second glance at some of the species around them and realized for the first time that some apparently were not clothed after all. But with body coverings ranging from scales to fur, she hadn't noticed.

Rose briefly entertained the thought of finding out what the Doctor's reaction would be if she _did_ decide to strip down and swim completely starkers. _That_ just might get his attention. Maybe a protective, jealous side would even come out. She could picture him hastily wrapping her in a towel and away from anyone's eyes but his, with a bit of a storm whirling in his gaze, directed at anyone who might dare to take visual advantage. Just envisioning the Doctor in that manner and imagining being able to elicit such a primal reaction made her toes curl. It was actually a very tempting thought, just to learn more about that potential side to him. But considering they were still trying to find their footing with each other, she decided to be a little more conservative for the time being. She would save the 'clothing optional' possibility for later…

Once inside one of the small white cabana-like structures, Rose was greeted by another interactive screen similar to the one in their suite. At her fingertips was an endless selection of choices for swimwear. She was scanned when entering, and an array of options for female bipedal species was displayed to her. She was able to further narrow down the styles by selecting human, 21st century Earth. Rose wondered what the Doctor might enjoy seeing her in most. Not that their relationship was all about the physical quality, by any means. Especially where the Doctor's complicated hot-and-cold nature was concerned. He wasn't necessarily the type to be turned on like the flipping of a switch by seeing a bit of skin, like some human males would be. He did appreciate her physical attributes, though. He had made that clear enough on a few notable occasions.

In the end Rose chose a simple, TARDIS-blue bikini (he might appreciate that choice just a tad more), and decided not to have any preconceived expectations. They were simply going to enjoy their time together, in whatever direction it took.

The Doctor was already waiting for her once she stepped back out. Rose would have been struck by the still-newness of seeing him so virtually bare if not for the fact that she had to stifle a laugh upon seeing his attire. When it came to choosing swimwear, she should have known what his selection was going to be. And considering their options seemed endless, it was not surprising that he'd been able to select brown with blue pinstriped swim trunks.

The Doctor took note of her barely-suppressed laughter a few seconds after taking a rather appreciative note of her appearance in general. A lingering sweep of his eyes told her he definitely approved, but his expression shifted to one of question when he registered the look of humor on her face.

He glanced down at himself quizzically, failing to see the amusement.

"What?" he queried.

Rose shook her head and attempted to school her features. "Nothing. It's just…well…those trunks!" She bit her lip as she grinned again, eyes twinkling with mirth.

"I selected bipedal, male, casual," he stated flatly, not seeing the humor. "You should have seen what I _could_ have chosen. So what's wrong with this?" There was just a touch of insecurity in the question.

Her eyes softened, realizing how out of character it was for him just to shed the suit, yet he did it for her, while still keeping that piece of himself. "It's just very…you. Completely you." Rose stepped up to him and took his hand in hers. "And it's perfect," she added.

His uncertainty was replaced by his signature bravado as he clicked his tongue and winked. "That sums me up."

Rose laughed fondly as she tugged him towards the water's edge. They stood at the brim, and she was about to suggest they dive in on the count of three when the Doctor scooped her up without warning and tossed her in with a loud, ungraceful splash, limbs flailing. Rose surfaced a few seconds later, coughing up water. She slicked the hair out of her eyes and scowled up at him where he stood at the edge, still perfectly dry and grinning down at her cheekily.

"So, how's the temperature?" he asked with false innocence.

Rose lunged forward and grabbed him around the knees. He overbalanced and toppled into the water beside her.

"You tell me," she replied with a satisfied grin once he broke the surface.

This, of course, led to water war.

The two then seemed to reach a state of ease as they relaxed into this simple moment of playfulness, temporarily escaping other issues or concerns. They dove and raced and had splashing battles like a couple of kids. The Doctor impressed Rose by showing off his respiratory bypass, demonstrating how long he could hold his breath as he swam underneath the entire length of the sizable lower section of the pool. He wasn't even breathless by the time he reached her again.

Rose floated into his arms with ease and kissed the dimple on his grinning left cheek as his reward. She noticed his breathing _did_ seem to increase just a fraction with the intimate gesture, superior respiratory system aside.

"Your respiratory bypass' reward," she proclaimed with a soft, relaxed smile.

He blinked, but then smiled back. "My respiratory bypass thanks you."

His hold around her tightened just a bit, and as her hands came to rest upon the slick skin of his chest, they were both reminded of the time not-so-long ago when they shared the pleasure of a private swim when they had been on Zobulan. Their relationship had yet to make its progressive leap at that point, but the powerful potential had been there, simmering beneath the surface. Rose had thought at the time that he might have even kissed her then, if not for having been interrupted.

Would he do so now? She realized that in the few moments of passion they'd shared up to this point, he had rarely been the one to initiate a kiss between them. She had been the one to take the action. Rose wanted that sign of sureness from _him_ this time, and she was content to wait for it while here in his arms.

For a moment she was gratified just to re-acquaint herself with him in this way she had rarely seen, his pinstriped armor gone (from the waist up and knees down, at least). It would have been unbearable not to touch him like this, her caress unrestricted. And reticent or not, he was _hers_ and she was going to.

Rose watched her own progression with rapt attention as she trailed the tips of her fingers in a leisurely path down his firm chest, through the damp smattering of hair, across his taut abdomen, grazing down the slight rippling of his defined rectus muscles, then over to his forearms, and up his biceps. Her hands finally came to rest atop his shoulders. She lifted her eyes to find his, chocolate irises sparkling back at her in the reflecting water, the effect mesmerizing.

His thumbs drew small circles on the sensitive flesh of her waist as he held her. A tiny movement, but she was aware of each flicker of his skin over hers. He just watched her, Rose's deep contemplation of this man who held her close evident by the intensity in her gaze.

"What are you thinking about?" he finally murmured, and it was a question of vulnerability, not certain where this was headed.

She knew he had expected her to take the lead and initiate more physical contact by now, just like in her mum's flat, and he no doubt would have allowed it if the current look in his eyes was an indication. But she didn't. She was simply holding his gaze with one of intense love, but making no further move.

Rose's reply chased away some of the uncertainty that his eyes had held. "I'm thinking that I don't have any regrets. Not one."

Her answer in that moment seemed to give him at least a measure of what he needed. His face tipped closer as he exhaled, long and deep. His damp forehead came to rest against hers, and they simply breathed together. Her open palms skimmed up to the base of his neck, then further up the back of his head. As her fingers traveled along his scalp, she felt the beginning flash of that arousing tingle. _Oh_, she had come to yearn for that sensation. It coursed through her body and shot straight down to her toes. This answered a question of her own. He was turned on by her. Finally.

"I can _feel_ you," she whispered, her words now spoken mere centimeters from his lips.

"I can't…I can't mask it," he answered, voice raspy and low.

The admission first thrilled her. Until she realized his words were spoken as an apology.

_That_, Rose firmly decided, just would not do.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N **The inevitable confrontation…and fallout.

* * *

**Chapter 8**

"_I can _feel_ you," she whispered, her words now spoken mere centimeters from his lips. _

"_I can't…I can't mask it," he answered, voice raspy and low._

_The admission first thrilled her. Until she realized his words were spoken as an apology._

_That, Rose firmly decided, just would not do. _

Rose knew from the Doctor's strained words that he was trying to hold himself back. It hadn't been long since they had both lived within those unspoken boundaries that had kept them at a distance in this regard, but that certainly was not the case any longer. She needed to clearly let him know that she did _not_ want him to hold back in any way – physically or emotionally.

For whatever reason he might have been trying to resist and for all of his frustrating seeming lack of interest earlier, it was now becoming obvious that the Doctor wanted this. The desire was clear. It was time to use that to this situation's advantage. Remembering what she had recently learned about the ways he liked to be touched, Rose moved her hands forward from the back of his head and drifted down to find his temples, lightly gliding across this sensitive area as she whispered back. "I don't want you to mask it. I _want_ to feel you," she murmured.

Rose pulled back enough to look at him. He trembled ever so subtly, but she felt it with acute awareness. His eyes drifted shut before opening again to meet hers, focused and searing. She stroked his temples again and this time felt him shudder strongly, a sensation that passed straight through her own skin like electricity. She knew she had his undivided attention.

Rose smiled just barely, a knowing look in her eyes. "You like this, I've learned."

The Doctor swallowed hard. "It…feels good, yes," he confirmed, voice a little more rough.

"And how does this feel?" She leaned even closer then, the soft curves of her damp chest pressing to the firmness of his as she fluttered her lips over the hypersensitive skin of his left temple.

He gasped at the intense sensation, and she took advantage, dropping her mouth lower to hover over his, just shy of actually touching.

She half-expected him to still be hesitant considering his demeanor thus far, or if nothing else to allow her to have the lead. The directness of his reaction that followed was a welcome surprise.

A fraction of a movement more was all it took on his part, but the distance crossed was one of significance as his soft, cool lips pressed forward and made contact at last. It was gentle, barely grazing, like the fluttering of butterfly wings. Rose stroked once more down his temples, and the result was fantastic. His lips pressed firmly to hers with an unsuppressed groan rumbling up in his throat and spilling into the kiss. He opened to her then, mouth parting and tongue flicking lightly over her top lip in an obvious message of inviting more. She read him loud and clear. Rose surged forward. She devoured and savored all that he was as her tongue met his. She curled her tongue with his own in sensual greeting, then explored beneath the supple inner flesh of his bottom lip, danced along his smooth teeth, and stroked the cool roof of his mouth. He tasted of fresh water and that underlying sweet-spice that was exquisitely intoxicating and unique to him alone. She would never get enough of this. Of him.

She wasn't aware of just how hard he had fought to keep himself from giving in again. All she knew was that he _was_ giving in. Hard. She didn't realize the power she had to topple his restraint.

Rose wrapped her legs around his waist for leverage as she angled deeper into the kiss. His hands pressed to her back, holding her there. She had craved this, even begun to question if it would happen again. Now that it was, Rose was never more aware of the many intricate facets of their relationship. This wasn't just on a physical and emotional level. Her mind was linked, subtle as it may be, with another living being. What existed between them was just enough to bring this to another level of intensity, but also complexity.

The longer the kiss went on, the more revealing it became. The Doctor's inhibitions were falling away once more, and along with that she could almost feel a restless searching that was driving his actions. Their bond that had been just a faint breath in her mind was suddenly pulsing vibrantly, commanding her focus. She startled slightly when she felt an unexpected, tentative probing along their shared link. It was such a new and unfamiliar sensation; but when she adjusted, it didn't frighten her because she knew it was him. Yet his mental actions were almost erratic. Each impulsive touch was followed by quick retreat, even as he outwardly pulled her closer.

There was something more he was seeking. She could _feel_ it – the restless pursuit. But there was also something he was holding back. Himself. She had sensed it from him before but could feel it more clearly now. There was a frustration layered beneath his actions, and it was almost like he thought that if he kissed her fiercely enough, poured all of his energy and emotion into _this_, then whatever was pursuing him from within could be outrun.

Rose knew that could never work. She didn't ever want this to be a distraction from something deeper. She wanted this to be the affirming of something deeper. She wanted to experience this passion that was finally igniting again, yes. But she wanted it because she wanted _him_ – all of him. No hiding behind inaction _or_ action.

For the Doctor's part, he had rapidly come to realize that fighting to keep distance between them – at least on a physical level – was not going to be successful. Rose was his weakness. His undoing. Always had been. He now thought that if he could just control and resist his primal mental urge to lay claim to even more of her mind (which he was fighting strongly now), then he could allow them both _this_. They could still have a level of closeness and satisfy some of that hunger, and then maybe everything would be okay and this could all work. He could learn to give in to this while evading the impulse for more. He could do that, he tried to convince himself, even as this battle was being fought within him.

Rose had other ideas. Ideas that did not involve forms of evasion. With reluctance, Rose pushed back from him, forcing him to stop. His eyes slowly opened, a complex fusion of desire and frustration. She had once told him she wasn't going to try to make him open up about things that he wasn't comfortable exposing because they hurt; and there were so many things that fit that category in his life. But when it came to _them_, she needed to know what he was thinking and feeling.

"W-wait," she whispered. Rose looked around and saw a more private area behind them by one of the falls cascading into the pool. Behind the nearby waterfall was a sheltered ledge. "Just…over here. C'mere."

She lowered her legs from around him and found her footing beneath the water. Rose drew him by the hand with her, his strong legs matching her step for step, eager to reach the destination and resume now that he was allowing himself to give in to physical desires again. They passed under the waterfall, briefly pelted by the powerful spray. The pounding water was loud and exhilarating, an appropriate match for the adrenaline pumping through them.

Rose climbed up on the smooth cool stone beneath the secluded falls and sat facing him. The Doctor stood in the churning waist-deep water in front of her, his hands on her knees as he arched forward to reclaim her lips full-on. He caught her open-mouthed. It was glorious, tongue ardently lapping at hers. Rose succumbed to the substantial temptation, but a few moments later refocused her attention back on her earlier thoughts.

She stilled him with words stolen between hungry kisses, words that brought him to an abrupt halt. "We need to talk."

Those four words were the very last thing the Doctor wanted to hear. He did _not_ want to talk about this. He'd been doing his best to avoid that, actually. Talking about this would mean admitting his struggle in regards to their bond. Just admitting moments before that he couldn't mask his physical reaction had itself been difficult, and his struggle went far beyond just that. He wasn't at all comfortable with the loss of control he felt concerning their mental link – from the moment it had been formed, really; so he was even less comfortable with the idea of discussing it – of trying to give answers that he did not have. He'd never grappled with something like this. And what would Rose's reaction be if she knew the extent of this? He had already taken more from her than he should have. He didn't want her fearing that he would do it again by going even further. He was ashamed at the thought of even admitting that a part of him _wanted_ that.

His entire body tensed as his actions slowed. The attention of his lips faltered. He moved back just enough that the conflict brewing within his eyes was visible. He quickly hid that as well. He refocused in a matter of moments and sped the pace of his efforts. He shook his head to her statement that they needed to talk as his mouth again sought hers. "No," he breathed out against the corner of her lips, "this is better."

"But this isn't the only thing we need," Rose reluctantly countered, turning her head away so she could speak, his insistent lips fastening to her jaw instead. Rose was so conflicted. She had craved this physical contact with him. But now that it was happening, she could tell that it was happening for the wrong reason. As a distraction.

The Doctor knew she was right, and it made him have to fight all the harder to convince them both otherwise. It was ironic, a distant part of his brain realized. He had avoided this with her and now he was seeking it, and both for the same purpose of evading the deeper issue.

"Isn't it?" he whispered darkly, his hands grazing boldly up her thighs, knowing how to make her lose focus as his fingers carried the promise of more.

He wasn't playing fair. He also would not have been that suddenly forward with her if he wasn't trying to use this as a tactic of avoidance.

That knowledge made Rose a little angry as she restrained his roaming hands in a firm grip of her own. "Doctor, just stop and listen to me."

The muscles of his jaw tightened as his expression took on a guarded edge. He couldn't do this. He wasn't prepared to give her answers that he didn't have himself. He wanted her to stop pushing this.

"I am listening. I'm listening and you said this isn't what we need. That's fine, then." He broke her intense stare. "Forgive my attempt at trying to give you what you wanted." He pulled back from her abruptly and moved away from their secluded area and towards the nearest steps leading out of the water. He hauled himself out of the pool, water sluicing down his back. He didn't pause or look back as he walked away.

Rose sat staring after him for a few seconds, utterly bemused. It didn't take long for her to pull it back together. Hot anger flushed her face as she watched his retreat. How dare he try to make this about her. This was about _them_.

Rose climbed off the stone ledge where she sat and quickly followed after him.

-:-:-:-

By the time Rose was out of the pool, the Doctor had already retreated to one of the pool huts to change back into his suit. Rose didn't really feel like having this confrontation in a dripping bikini, so she decided to quickly change back into her own clothes as well.

When she re-emerged he was already dressed and waiting for her, albeit tensely. She took it as a good sign that he at least had not disappeared on her entirely, retreating to the TARDIS as she thought he might have done. At least he had waited, even if he wouldn't look her in the eyes. The tension was evident in every line of his body and the rigidity of his stance.

The truth was, waiting for Rose had taken supreme effort on his part. The Doctor'd had to fight to keep from running, which was his first natural instinct. But he had already bungled things earlier, and he didn't want to make this worse. He had not intended for his own frustrations to take the form of becoming frustrated with Rose. That was the last thing he wanted. The Doctor didn't really understand why she was making such an issue of this, though. Not now, when he had just been trying to allow himself to give in, to a degree. Yes, he had his inhibitions about getting even closer to her for fear of taking even more, but he had been willing to give her physical intimacy, even if it was going to have taken everything within him to keep from going too far with it. He had not been completely shutting down from her, though, and he had been trying to make an effort with this. Wasn't that enough? Couldn't it at least be enough for today, here and now? Then he could tackle tomorrow, tomorrow. A step at a time.

After spotting him, Rose reached him in a few steps. He nodded once, hands in his pockets, then turned. They began walking out together, neither one speaking.

Silence continued on through their walk back through the city and toward their suite. The twin suns were setting, and soft lighting along the street now lit their way. By night, the flowering trees lining the center of the main boulevard glowed warmly, each petal giving off a florescent glimmer, creating an enchanted, picturesque setting. It would have been romantic if not for the present mood in the air, the undercurrent of tension pressing heavily.

Rose was the one to break the silence first. The Doctor obviously wasn't going to be the one to do it.

"If you're not gonna talk to me about this, then I don't know how you think we're ever gonna make this work," Rose finally said from her position beside him, both their eyes still focused forward as they continued walking.

"What am I supposed to say?" he answered back defensively, after a protracted pause.

"I was hoping that's what you would tell me," she replied.

The Doctor stopped walking and turned to face her then.

His countenance was a mask covering something deeper, yet the inner storm could be seen brimming just beneath it all. It was the same look she was faced with outside a chip shop when she confronted the Doctor about his history with past companions – about his history of leaving them all behind. She knew this look all too well, and it was the very thing she was _trying_ to work past with him.

"I don't know what you want, Rose. I thought this trip and…what happened earlier was what you wanted. I told you I'm trying here, but apparently it's not enough, and I don't know what is."

"I told you I wanted to _talk_. Isn't that simple enough to get? If you were really trying to make this work then you wouldn't be purposely shutting me out again," she interjected.

He thrust both hands through his hair, further disarraying the unruly strands. "How is _everything_ that's been happening between us shutting you out? This is allowing you closer than I've allowed anyone."

Rose closed her eyes and gave careful forethought to her words. "But it's still not enough, is it? We can pretend that this is closeness, but it never will be if you won't open up to me about whatever it is that's been bothering you…about us." He opened his mouth to give a rebuttal but she continued. "Doctor, please. We've come too far. Don't do this now. Just talk to me. It's…it's like we've been taking steps back instead of forward. I _know_ there's something bothering you. And I could feel it earlier. I haven't said anything. I've just waited for it to pass. But it isn't going to unless we talk about it. Burying it does nothing."

The Doctor honestly didn't know what he should say at his point. As much as he had been trying to progress, he could not shake off the shame he felt over the way he forged their bond, and the last thing he was prepared to admit was that he felt the drive to take even _more_ from her. How could she understand it when he himself was thrown for a loop? It scared him. _All_ of this still frightened him, to be honest.

The Doctor had been completely frank when he told Rose that he didn't normally allow himself to have this kind of relationship and that he was struggling here. That struggle didn't just begin with the crossing of boundaries, but it _did_ begin with her. There had been a time when he had no difficulty at all in keeping a certain level of distance between the various people he let into his life. Those ingrained rules that had governed him for centuries had always been fairly easy to follow. That didn't mean he had never been close to anyone. Just never quite like this. Each friend and close companion and even enemies turned comrades had taken a part of him with them when they inevitably left, but that was alright. He was alright. He was always alright.

Then the War happened, and he lost _everything_.

There were moments of his life when that made him a little desperate and made him do things he wouldn't have otherwise done – need things he wouldn't have otherwise needed. And that's when Rose happened. He couldn't lose her. Not yet. He might have to someday, but _not yet_.

He wanted so badly to just get this right. He needed Rose more than was perhaps good for him, and the last thing he wanted to do was drive her away now because of his closed-off behavior. He felt certain he would drive her away if she really knew the reason behind it, though. How could he risk that?

He had been so afraid to tell Rose what he had done after their bond had been unexpectedly formed. She had come to accept it and had forgiven him – though he was far from having forgiven himself. He should have gotten on his knees in supplication, asking to be allowed such a connection with her, even though it wasn't deserved. It had been hers to _give_, sacred and precious; not his to take like a thief.

The Doctor knew that her acceptance of it afterwards had a lot to do with the fact that he had emphatically assured Rose that the bond was faint – not something she had to fear would become consuming or revealing. And that was true…_if_ it didn't become more. And he wouldn't now have the fear of losing control and making it into something more, something stronger, if he hadn't lost control when he compulsively formed it in the first place.

Now he knew what his own self was capable of, and _that_ was what frightened him in this.

He needed to tell Rose this. He knew that. But he just wasn't ready. He needed time to process this whole whirlwind of a day – the confrontation with Jackie, his discovery that their link had the potential to be even stronger and that he _wanted_ it to be with an alarming degree of desire, and lastly trying to give Rose a honeymoon without opening up a whole shipload of _Issues_. He needed time to process the whole whirlwind of the past few days that brought about this new and unexpected _marriage_, to be precise. He felt that part of the problem here was that they had tumbled into all this so quickly. He wanted to take time now and not misstep. Any worse than he already had, at the very least.

He was beginning to think that what he needed was some time alone to sort through it all. He and Rose operated on such different parameters. She needed to have everything laid bare and sorted through in detail. He handled things best by inwardly compartmentalizing and processing things away until he could get a handle on them. Neither approach would satisfy the other right now.

His silence lasted long enough that it seemed he might not even continue this. His eyes left hers and were distant, guarded. When he looked at her again, the protective walls were in place.

"Rose, we both just need some time. Time to adjust," he finally concluded.

She shook her head, frustration evident. "That's your answer to this?"

He looked down. "For now, yes."

She turned from him. Was any of this ever going to get easier?

He was silent for a minute before speaking again. "Why don't I…go fetch the TARDIS? I'll bring it back to the suite so you can have your things. Your own change of clothes…all that."

"Yeah, sure. Fine," she answered flatly, without turning back around.

"Right then. I'll just…"

Hands buried deep in his pockets, the Doctor headed off in one direction as Rose went in the other.

-:-:-:-

Night had fully fallen, overtaking the last light of a complicated day. The glow of the city beyond streamed through the suite's tall windows, casting long shadows across the sitting lounge where Rose paced restlessly while the Doctor was gone. This wasn't just about having issues with this trip, she knew. This was about their entire relationship. She had been aware from the start that things between them might not be simple, but it didn't have to be _this_ difficult, either. How could they move forward if he wouldn't simply talk to her? It was the only way to work through this. Avoidance was not the answer.

Rose was not going to simply back down on the issue. She couldn't. She decided that they were going to have to take this up again and get to the bottom of things one way or the other just as soon as he got back.

The only problem with that plan, however, was that it was never able to be implemented. She couldn't confront a man who was no longer there. Rose had waited, and minutes became hours, stretching long into the night.

The Doctor had left in the TARDIS and didn't return.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N **A day off for me means an early mid-week update!

Also, I've had a few PMs (you spoiler-seekers, you ;D) asking if the Doctor's disappearance has to do with the villain angle of the story that, at the end of K&L, I mentioned was planned to be a part of the sequel. The direction, however, was changed during the drafting process to focus primarily on the development of their relationship without diverting from that with an additional sub-plot. The Muse can be a temperamental thing, and what it wants, it gets. ;)

* * *

**Chapter 9**

From the solitude of what _should_ have been a honeymoon suite, Rose waited for the Doctor to arrive back in the TARDIS like he had said he was going to when they had departed in opposite directions. He had yet to show, and she was becoming more and more disconcerted with each minute that passed. If he thought delaying the inevitable by postponing further discussion between them was going to help matters, then maybe he really _was_ a lost cause when it came to relationships.

As time ticked on with still no sign of him, Rose decided she wasn't giving the Doctor five and a half hours this time. When he didn't show after one, she finally went back out in the dark of night to return to where the TARDIS was located. This was getting absurd. She didn't want to argue with him further, but she wasn't sure it could be avoided at this point.

Rose walked back through the city, retracing the route they had taken upon arrival. She ascended the path up the grassy crest overlooking the city to the place where they had arrived earlier in the day. Along the way, she had grown more and more hurt about the fact that he was avoiding her in this way. Maybe, she considered, she should have just been glad that he had opened up a bit more with her outwardly during their time together in the pool and ignored his inner unrest that she had clearly felt. But had her request to have an open and honest discussion with him really been so unreasonable?

She knew that having frank discussions about inner issues wasn't the sort of thing he did, but some things _needed_ saying. The Doctor didn't have to be an open book with her about every detail in his life, and she knew he probably never would be. But if he wouldn't open up to her about issues concerning _them_, how did he think they could ever move forward? Trying to avoid talking about things between them was a flawed approach as it was. Trying to avoid her altogether was a whole other level of dysfunction that couldn't stand if they were going to have a chance.

When Rose reached the place where the TARDIS had been and found that he was actually _gone_, she wondered if they were going to have any kind of a chance at all.

Rose stared, disbelieving and numb, at the empty plot of ground that the TARDIS had previously occupied. The Doctor was gone. He had left. He had left _her_. Rose's immediate thought process was denial. Was this really where the TARDIS had been? Maybe she had veered off the path or climbed the wrong hill in the dark. She knew that wasn't really the case, though. She was certain this was the right place. The flowering shrub the TARDIS had materialized upon still bore the mark of being the victim of the time ship's unlawful landing. Rose then tried to tell herself that maybe he had _finally_ decided to arrive back at the suite about the same time she had stepped out to go find him. That would be just like their sort of timing, wouldn't it?

Rose hurried back the way she had come, returning to the guest village. She reached the suite and rushed in, only to have her hopes dashed upon finding the suite still empty.

The hours passed on the longest night of her life. Darkness gave way to light as the next day dawned.

One day turned into two.

Two days passed and still the Doctor had not returned or been seen. Rose had been through the full gamut of emotions during that time. From confusion to anger to fear, and finally a sense of numb that settled in, the protective mechanism a way to cope with this turn of events.

By day she made trips through the city to search for him and to question those in the neighboring suites if he had been seen. By night the ache returned as she lay awake in turmoil, thinking of all the possible scenarios that might have taken place – each equally gut-wrenching.

There was a chance that he had been taken somewhere against his will. He was the only one who could pilot the TARDIS, but maybe someone had forced him into some sort of situation. She thought of alerting this planet's authorities, but she knew relatively nothing about this place. What if there was someone or something here behind this? In which case, who could she trust? There was also the fact that the Doctor had told her that time was in flux here. Maybe in some mixed-up way that she couldn't understand, this had something to do with what had happened. He had told her the fluctuating timelines meant anything could happen. She had never bargained on _this_.

Despite her own dilemma, she feared for his safety. Rose could sense somewhere deep within that he was still alright, though. Alive, at least. Their bond still remained, though when she focused on it she could sense it was a little dimmer due to the separation between them – however far that distance might be. But their link had not been extinguished entirely.

That only left one other possibility. The one she didn't even want to consider. He had left of his own volition. The prospect left her feeling sucker-punched. How could he _possibly_ do that? And yet, here she was. The only thing that made it worse was having no clue as to when he would even return. A dark thought in her mind briefly questioned whether or not he would. She had to squelch that thought before it cut too deep and further damaged what she feared was already beginning to fragment in this relationship.

Everything else aside, Rose loved the Doctor and knew that he loved her as well, dysfunctional as his approach to relationships might be. Could that alone be enough to sustain the two of them, though? She had never dreamed she would reach the place of questioning that. But then, she never dreamed she would have found herself in this situation, either. What if he had decided that she was better off without him and made the decision for her, yet again? Instead of tricking her into the TARDIS to send her away, _he_ was the one who left. But even if that unthinkable possibility were the case, he wouldn't just leave her stranded here. Yet he _had_. And the unanswered question of why was eating away at her from the inside out with each minute and hour and day that passed.

Rose would have tried to call him or call home or call _someone_, but her mobile had been left in the TARDIS. She was well and truly stranded.

Aside from the emotional upheaval she was facing, Rose had to start thinking of practical matters, too. They had been registered to stay on this planet one week. Once that time was up, she was going to have to somehow pay for a longer stay if she was going to continue to have a roof over her head. This brought up another significant problem. The Doctor was the one who had the credit chip that had secured their first week's stay. All Rose currently had on her person was a small amount of Earth currency – a £5 note and 20 pence – hardly enough to live on. She had already checked in to converting what she had to this planet's legal tender when the suite's meal service was gone, along with the suite itself, but her small amount wouldn't provide for much at all. A single meal, maybe two if she ate cheaply.

Rose finally decided the only thing to do was to find someone in charge and be honest about her situation. Maybe she could find someone to help.

-:-:-:-

Rose didn't want to wait until the last minute to seek help at the very end of the week once her paid time was already up. On the morning of the third day, Rose made her way to the district's registration office.

It was located within the Guest Services complex, centrally situated within the city. The building, bustling with guests checking in and out, was tall but occupied a single floor, the massive ceiling stretching several stories high. The design of the building consisted mostly of glass, and light streamed in unobstructed, filling the open space and creating a bright, welcoming atmosphere. In the center of the posh complex was a large ornamental fountain, and in the ceiling above, an etched glass design refracted the light, producing a prism effect that glistened upon the cascading water. She might have appreciated the aesthetic aspects if not for the reason that had brought her here in the first place.

Rose approached the main information desk and asked to speak to someone in charge of registration. She was then directed to Jaise Daax, the supervisor of Guest Services and the man who had registered them the first day.

Rose was guided to the arrival port's monitoring station further within the facility where she found him, busy at work. She hesitated for just a minute about going to him in particular for assistance. It was clear that the Doctor had not made the best of impressions on the man from the get-go with his unauthorized parking job, et cetera. She didn't really have another option, though.

She approached the bronze-toned Rajaran man with a bit of apprehension. Rose hoped her honesty about the situation would be respected, but if he decided to toss her out of the suite once she reached the end of the week and was no longer able to pay, she really didn't know what she would do.

Rose reached him and cleared her throat. "Um, hello," she addressed him, coming up to the side of his computer station.

He glanced up, eyes settling more directly on her once he recognized who it was. "Oh, hello. Rose Tyler from suite 73 in the Serenity District, wasn't it? What can I do for you?" He tried to sound pleasant despite a wary feeling. He hoped that she didn't need an emergency recovery team to pull the protocol-breaking man she was traveling with out of the sand pits near the Northern coast, an area that was clearly marked _No Trespassing_.

Rose hesitated before answering the simple question which did not have a simple answer. Where to even begin? Reluctance to admit this wasn't due to pride but pain. "Well, this…isn't something I'd hoped to have to…that is I…I'm…"

"Here, why don't you have a seat?" he interjected thoughtfully, offering a second chair next to his.

Rose nodded gratefully, taking a breath before giving it another try. "Thanks."

"Is there something about your accommodation that is unsatisfactory?" he queried. "We have a few more openings in the Tranquility District if you would like to upgrade to a Supreme Tier suite."

"No, it's not that. The suite is fine. It's perfect. I just…need to stay there for a bit longer once this week is up. But I don't…have the ability to pay for it just yet."

He regarded Rose for a moment and then pulled up the couple's registration account to refresh his memory. "I see that the two of you paid for a week in advance. How much longer are you both wishing to stay?"

"We…that is _I_…don't know. I just don't have anywhere else to go right now. I'm waiting for the Doctor, the man I came here with, to get back. But I'm not sure how long he'll be gone. Something…unexpected came up." The last words were spoken quietly, her eyes sliding off to the side.

Jaise frowned. He had seen more than a few lover's rows while working at this place that was _supposed_ to bring people closer together. Rose was exhibiting a few clear signs. He also harbored a bit of cynicism toward relationships in general due to his own personal experience. Unfortunately, nothing that someone would put another through – someone who was _supposed_ to love the other – could surprise him anymore.

"Unexpected?" he probed.

Rose nodded, keeping her eyes down.

"Has he left you here?" he ventured, starting to feel a little angry at the thought. He knew there had been something about that pompous Doctor person that he didn't like.

Rose was confronted for the first time with having to admit this. She wasn't ready to do that just yet, to herself or anyone else. "It's…not like that. He's gonna be back. I _know_ he will. I'm just not sure how long it will be."

Jaise wasn't going to press her further in regards to whatever personal issues she might have going on. She needed assistance. Not prying questions. Rose's situation also struck a nerve with him. To a certain extent, he could relate to what she was undoubtedly feeling. If he could help in some way then he was willing to do so.

"I can let you have the suite for another week in advance," he assured her. "After that, we'll see what can be worked out if you need any additional time."

Rose sagged in relief. At least she would have a place to stay for a bit longer. "Thank you," she responded with genuine gratitude. "But I'm not looking to get something for nothing. I want to pay my way here. If there's something I could do in the meantime to help cover the cost. Anything…"

"You'd like a temporary job?"

"Yeah. Like I said, I'm willing to take anything you might have." Rose thought about her past work experience. A shop girl, a dinner lady – it was honest work that she wasn't ashamed of, but it didn't exactly make for the most impressive CV. She supposed she could add _'traveling throughout all of time and space.' _Although, that was a tough one to translate into applicable work experience. It had been awhile since Rose had thought about her personal qualifications. It had been awhile since she'd _had_ to think about that sort of thing. If nothing else, this situation was forcing her to do some self-reflecting. She wasn't necessarily comfortable with what she found. Who was Rose Tyler apart from the Doctor? She suddenly felt inadequate.

Jaise thought about her job inquiry for a minute. "Actually, we're a little short-handed within registration right now, and we could use additional personnel. Do you have any experience with inter-species relations? Are you familiar with any cultures outside of your own?"

Rose realized that _yes_, she did have experience in this area. She knew a thing or two about aliens. "I do, actually. I've done a lot of traveling over the past few years and I've had contact with species from, well, all over the universe, really." She began to name off some of the places she'd been and species and cultures she'd encountered, but then realized it was far too numerous a list to give briefly. Her confidence grew just a bit. Maybe she had more qualifications than she'd given herself credit for.

"Excellent," Jaise remarked. "Inter-species familiarity and cultural sensitivity is a must for welcoming new arrivals. What about technical training?"

Rose thought about it. Though she wasn't widely experienced with alien technology, she'd helped the Doctor with repairs to the TARDIS on more than one occasion, and even assisted in piloting the ship a few times. She was somewhat adept with the sonic when need be, too, and she'd handled numerous other articles of alien tech here and there as well.

She was honest about her abilities when answering. "I haven't had a lot of experience with technology from worlds other than my own, but I've had some. And I'll work hard to learn quickly."

"I'm sure you will. You're clever, I can tell," he affirmed. "If you'd like, you can begin training today."

"Oh, that would be brilliant!" she exclaimed. "Thank you."

For the first time in days, at least _something_ had a positive outcome. She was still completely at a loss as to knowing when the Doctor would return. But for the time being, maybe Rose Tyler could make it on her own.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N **Rose begins to process the situation and has a chance to do some necessary reflecting along the way.

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Rose's assigned position within the Registration Center consisted of checking guests in and out upon arrival and departure, and logging overall visitor traffic. Her work, however, involved more than simply being a desk clerk. She helped to monitor the northern sector arrival ports for incoming crafts docking on the planet, and communicated with the Interstellar Traffic Control Center when the ports began nearing their capacity so that new arrivals could be re-routed to the overflow docking stations. She would then enter into the registration system a log of those who intended to stay and reserve lodging.

Due to her new employment position, Rose learned that the city had a monitoring configuration that put even London's extensive CCTV system to shame. A satellite monitoring system covered the entire region, and a specific area could be pinpointed and pulled up for examination at any time.

Upon learning of this, Rose immediately realized how this could be used in relation to her recent situation. She went to Jaise with this request, and he had assisted her in pinpointing exactly where the TARDIS had previously been located. The timeframe for when the Doctor had gone back to the ship that last time was then entered into the system. The subsequent visual stream that was retrieved was able to replay those moments. Rose watched, trying to keep her emotions in check, as the Doctor was seen boarding the TARDIS and leaving of his own free will. There had been no coercion or meeting with trouble along the way. He had simply gotten in the TARDIS and left.

On the one hand, this was a substantial relief to Rose in knowing for certain that he was safe. But it also left no doubt that his departure was intentional, lending further evidence to the possibility that his continued absence was as well.

As a result, Rose threw herself into her work as a necessary distraction. She was, however, continually watching for any sign of the TARDIS returning again through use of the system's monitoring station. The TARDIS' energy signature was unique and would be easily identifiable if it reappeared. She would be able to know the minute the Doctor returned. For the time being there was nothing more she could do.

Rose was thankful she had work duties to focus on each day in the midst of this or else she might have gone insane. She was a quick study when it came to learning the various systems and protocols, and by the end of the first week she was working proficiently with minimal supervision. The work helped her focus her mind, at least to some extent, on something other than her own personal debacle.

Though she never would have wished for such circumstances, this time on her own apart from the Doctor was bringing about quite a bit of self-reflection. As Rose gained independence in her position and was making her own way, she came to realize that perhaps she had unwittingly become too dependent on the Doctor. In some ways this had been inevitable due to the nature of their life. He was the designated driver, time-traveling expert, and on the most fundamental level, the provider of basic needs in the form of the TARDIS and its essential provisions.

Rose had always known this, but she had never really stopped to reflect upon it. She'd never been forced to. Despite the ways the Doctor could have asserted dominance, they always worked as a team so she wasn't cognizant of her level of dependence while traveling with him. She had never thought about what she would do if she were suddenly without him. 'Forever' was firmly set in her mind, so she never thought she would need a contingency plan. Yet faced with his absence, she had woken up to the fact of being utterly stranded with nowhere to go and no means to get home. While leading a life that led her across the vast universe and far from her own world, Rose literally had no resources other than her wits if she didn't have him.

She had been so relatively young, just beginning adulthood when she had first been whisked into this life with the Doctor. She had grown and matured substantially during their time together, that was certainly true; more so than some people do in a lifetime. A case in point was their previous pivotal journey when she'd had no choice but to take charge of their situation during the Doctor's injury. But this current state made Rose realize how much more growth she'd still had to achieve. She was now getting a crash course in self-development.

Rose was also having adequate time to truly reflect on the sudden turn her relationship with the Doctor had taken prior to coming here. Unlike typical marriages, there had not been time or opportunity to really consider it or weigh the outcome before it occurred. It had all happened so fast, and in the midst of it they had been trying to simply hold on tight and figure out how to progress. This time apart, painful and disconcerting as it was, had given Rose a chance to really reflect on all of this.

She had been so consumed by her love for the Doctor, and she had wanted nothing more than to make this work once the possibility of such a relationship became real. She had, to a certain extent, been willing to overlook things like her dependence on him and his guarded nature with her. Those were not healthy factors for a relationship, though. She was certainly now catching up fast in terms of non-dependency. And she had been _trying_ to address his issues of cautious restraint. Maybe she still had more to learn in this regard, too. The Doctor wasn't going to change centuries of ingrained behaviors overnight, and she couldn't make headway by forcing the issue. Perhaps if she had tried to be even more understanding of his perspective and he had made more of an effort to be forthcoming, they could have somehow met in the middle. Would they even get that chance at this point?

Yet despite painful doubts that would not have even existed in her thoughts if not for the way things had stood between them when he left, deep down she knew even still that the Doctor would be back. She knew in her heart that he would not truly leave her stranded this way for good. But whatever the reason for his absence, even if he was being a brooding git and would come back when he was ready, she knew that he could not simply run from the difficult things between them when it suited him. They were going to _have_ to strike a balance here.

In all of this, Rose had come to one important conclusion. When it came down to the heart of the matter with all other issues stripped away, she didn't love the Doctor out of desperation or immature need. She loved him because she chose to embrace not only the fundamental passion and innate connection between them, but to embrace _all_ that they were together; and it was not always an easy choice, as she was learning now more than ever. It was, however, a type of fierce love that would not give up. It was this kind of love, firmly rooted and sure, that stood the only chance of enduring the present circumstances, and whatever else they may face in this mad life.

Just before Zobulan, the Doctor had ominously predicted that there was a storm approaching. Maybe she was now in the eye of that storm. Or maybe, she thought with a bone-aching chill, there was still something more to come. But whatever she might face now or in the future, this experience was confirming to Rose that she wasn't the type to curl inward and give up. She would ride out her storms. _That_, she was quickly learning, was who Rose Tyler was apart from him.

-:-:-:-

It was now one week into this ordeal, and one of the small bright spots for Rose in this was the friendship that she had developed with Jaise. She might have gone completely mad if not for having someone to talk to in this. At first Rose had been self-protective and even embarrassed to admit the full situation to anyone. She had tried to be vague on the details of the Doctor's absence.

And then on the morning of this week's final work day, she was checking in a newlywed couple from the Xanthe Constellation. She immediately noticed what they wore as symbols of marriage, which consisted of polished armbands in a crisscross design. They were gold instead of silver and worn higher up the arm rather than around the wrist, but Rose was instantly reminded of the spiraling silver wrist bands she and the Doctor had exchanged on their wedding day. Her pain came flooding back anew, and she'd had to quickly find Jaise and ask him to finish the couple's registration process. She had not broken down publicly until that moment when it finally all came to the surface. She had been strong through this, but sometimes it took strength to let those emotions finally break free.

Afterward Jaise found Rose in a back office behind the registration desk trying to collect herself and stop the tears. It was then Rose opened up about her entire situation with the Doctor, beginning with their recent unplanned marriage that had ultimately led them here. Rose found a sympathetic ear in Jaise, and would soon learn he was someone who had experienced his own broken relationship and thus could relate.

He kindly offered to take her to lunch at the nearby Sky Café, and it was later on that he shared some of the details of his own experience.

They arrived at the unique eatery, which was located within a cluster of robust towering treetops. The view from the lofty dining platform was phenomenal, offering a remarkable panorama of Paradise's entire central city. Rather than distract from the absence of the Doctor, however, it only made Rose miss him all the more. They were supposed to experience things like this together. Especially on what was supposed to be their honeymoon, a mocking concept that only hurt a little more with each day that passed.

Rose was picking at her lunch with lackluster interest. The meal she had ordered was a delicious mix of ripe local vegetables roasted to perfection and served on a bed of something similar to risotto with a rich, creamy sauce, but nothing was appealing when one lacked an appetite.

Having learned the full details of her situation, Jaise realized Rose needed to move on, and he thought the sooner she was able to do that, the better.

He looked across at Rose, and decided now was the best time to share some recent positive news that might help her in moving forward.

"I have a bit of news for you that might lift your mood," he finally interjected into the lagging conversation. "I've spoken with the District Chancellor about your position. I've told him you've been a valuable asset to the Registration Department during this active season, and he's agreed to let your position here be permanent."

Rose looked up, surprised by this. The last thing she had associated with any of this was the word '_permanent_.'

"I'm really grateful," Rose finally replied.

"You've earned it."

"But I can't accept," she finished.

He leaned back and sighed. "This isn't an offer you should turn down without careful consideration, Rose. I know you probably don't want to think about this yet, but you're going to need a permanent job here. But if you're not happy staying in Registration long-term then you could consider other options. I can give you a recommendation if there's another department that interests you."

"No, it's not that. I enjoy the job, and I'm grateful for it. I am. I don't know what I'd have done without it. But I can't consider anything here permanent. When the Doctor comes back, we–"

"Rose," he cut her off, "I'm going to tell you this for your own good, even though I know it's hard to hear. You have to accept that he isn't coming back and move on. I know it isn't easy, but you can't let this hold you back from moving forward with your life."

"The Doctor _will_ be back," Rose said with resolve, challenging his assertion otherwise.

He leaned his arms forward on the table. "Alright. Let's assume that you're right. If he does come back – in another day or another week or in a year – then what? Will his grand return suddenly solve everything, or will you just be living your life waiting for it to happen again? Is this really the type of man you think you want to build a lifelong relationship with? Do you think you even could?"

Rose understood what he was trying to say. Some of his points even had merit. She knew this, because a few of them had already made their way into her own head. She also knew something else, though. On a deep, fundamental level she believed in the Doctor completely and knew there just had to be _some_ sort of explanation for this. She believed in him and what they shared, wholly imperfect as it might be at the present.

"I know how he must seem to you. But you're on the outside looking in, and at one of the worst possible times. You just don't know him. You don't know what he's really like."

"The trouble is, I _do_," he replied back. "I know exactly what he's like because I was…," he shrugged in resignation and slouched back. "Well…I was just like you when I was younger. There was a woman – always begins that way, right?" he added with a jaded, trace-smile. "Or in your case a man. But at any rate, she was a charming, exciting woman who I thought was the key to my happiness – my soul mate. I fell hard and couldn't even see my life without her. I followed my heart and not my head, and I didn't think it was even possible for me to be happy unless she was in my life. Sound familiar?"

Rose looked down, remaining quiet.

"The problem was, she didn't feel the same way about me. I don't think she ever did. But I didn't realize it until it was too late to keep from being a victim of misplaced emotions." He took a breath and went on. "She was a member of Rajara's Exploratory Fleet that continues to search out new uninhabited worlds for possible development. She was charismatic and adventurous, but the last thing she was, was committed. She just couldn't stay in one place with one man. Oh, she thought she could and even told me that's what she wanted – a life with me. It wasn't long before that spark to move on was burning her again." The napkin in his hand became a crumpled ball in his tightening fist. "Do you know how the woman I loved let me know she was leaving? She had one of her fellow members of the Fleet tell me after she was already gone. I don't think it was even that couldn't bear to tell me face-to-face. It was that she couldn't bear to be _here_, standing still, for another minute." His voice darkened. "And she didn't just move on to other places. There were other men, too. Fool that I was, I'd been the last one to find that out later through others."

"I'm sorry," Rose offered quietly.

He shook his head. "Just don't be like me, and then you won't have to be sorry."

"But the Doctor isn't like that," Rose protested. "Even if this wasn't just some sort of terrible mishap – even…even if he got scared and ran, he would never just run off to someone else." But even as she defended him, the image of a certain Jeanne Antoinette Poisson came unbidden to her mind, along with the clear recollection of the Doctor charging through a time window and leaving herself utterly stranded in a dangerous situation without so much as a backward glance. Rose immediately tried to shake the memory from her thoughts. _That_ was the last thing she needed to think about right now on top of everything else.

Jaise's voice pulled her back to the present. "I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did, believing in someone who isn't worth it. You deserve better. _No one_ is worth experiencing that kind of pain. You're far better off alone. Believe me, I know. The only one you can really trust is yourself."

They both let the subject drop after that. It wasn't really comfortable for either of them to continue down this path. But as Rose looked across at this man who harbored such resentment and cynicism toward relationships in general, she couldn't help but wonder, in a dark corner of her mind, if perhaps she was seeing herself in the future.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N **Rose attempts to reach for the Doctor through their link, resulting in more than she bargained for.

* * *

**Chapter 11**

It had now been two weeks since the conflict occurred between Rose and the Doctor just days into their new relationship. Two weeks since he subsequently disappeared without word, with no sign of a return.

Rose continued doing well in her new job position that was not only a necessity for support but a means to providing her with immediate knowledge if the Doctor were to return. Part of her daily routine at work included continuing to scan for the TARDIS through the planet's monitoring system. Because of this access, she knew for a fact the ship had not been logged as having returned at any point during this time period. There was only a record of the TARDIS' arrival and later departure two weeks prior.

It was a continual battle for Rose to keep from growing even more concerned with each passing day. Even though she now had visual evidence that the Doctor had left of his own accord, she still worried that something might have happened to him afterward. And if not, then that meant he purposely _chose_ to stay away this long. She wasn't sure which was worse. Rose constantly vacillated between fear over what might have become of him and anger at the thought that this was his own doing.

In the midst of it all, Rose's daily work continued to help, at least to a degree, in distracting her during the daytime hours. That was, until a workplace encounter brought her a strong reminder of what was missing from her life.

It happened at the beginning of the second week. She was in the process of registering a couple who had booked a weekend stay. The man and woman were from a nearby planet whose population resembled the common humanoid form, though they were shorter and had prominent reddish-hued eyes set against a dark complexion. Their style of dress was vividly colorful – bright reds and greens and yellows woven together in an intricate pattern that made up their long, draping cloaks. Despite physical characteristics, it was the inward distinctions of the exotic couple that Rose was soon to be made aware.

She had been quickly learning the importance of cultural diversity in her position, as many species had certain requirements and particular requests. The couple she was currently registering, for example, was very sensitive to loud noises and also preferred an environment of constant light, making Paradise's Southern pole the ideal location for Rose to recommend, as it received perpetual sunlight this time of the season.

The man and woman were pleasant as she worked with them, but the longer Rose was around them making arrangements for their stay, the more she began to notice some peculiarities. She would catch their large distinct eyes looking at her with an expression that was…unsettling. It was as if they were looking not just at her but _through_ her, seeing something deeper than most others were capable of.

Rose shrugged off the intensity of their gaze, attributing it to cultural differences as she finished the registration process. It wasn't until after the couple was ready to depart that the woman asked to speak for a moment with Rose privately. The nod shared between the couple seemed to signify agreement about whatever the issue was. Trying to maintain customer satisfaction, Rose agreed to the request.

Once off to the side and out of the earshot of others, the woman spoke candidly. "Forgive me for being blunt since I am an outsider to you, but I cannot help but be aware that your pain is projecting loudly."

Rose hadn't been prepared for such a comment and wasn't quite sure how to respond. "I…um. Beg your pardon?"

The woman then lifted her hand to touch Rose's temple. Rose flinched and drew back a step. At the contact, her thoughts went immediately to the bond she shared with the Doctor. Rose suddenly realized that she was protective of it. For one thing, it was intensely private; and for another, it was currently all she had of him.

The woman continued. "You are newly joined with your mate…here." She indicated her own temple. "The connection is intense yet fragile, still developing. But there has been a partial withdraw of the link that is causing you distress. I can feel it reaching out, seeking to once again be whole."

"H-how do you know this?" Rose questioned in unease.

"I am of a race of empaths."

"You're reading my mind?" Rose asked, alarmed at the possibility of such an intrusion from this stranger.

The woman shook her head. "Only emotions. And even then, we make it a rule not to read the projections of others. Yours, however, are broadcasting unfiltered."

Rose folded her arms around herself in unconscious protection, wanting to be shielded. Her inward emotional struggle was private. "I'm sorry," she answered shortly. "'S not intentional. I'll try to block it, if I can."

"Oh, do _not_ block it," the woman quickly admonished. "Tell me, has your mate been lost to you?" she then asked, though had already sensed this.

Rose felt her chest tighten – a painful, aching sensation. The unpleasant question was spoken with such empathy, however, that Rose felt compelled to answer. "He's…gone right now. I'm not sure where he is," she confessed softly.

The empathetic woman took compassion on Rose and offered guidance, realizing she was unfamiliar with controlling this new telepathic link. "Then continue reaching for him until you find him. His loss to you cannot be one of permanence unless by death. The shared link will be your guide to him."

This gave Rose a momentary spark of hope, but then her uncertainty over the reason for his absence came stalking back. She looked away and answered quietly. "He might be lost to me, but I'm not lost to _him_. He knows where I am if he wants to find me."

The woman nodded. She placed a hand on Rose's arm. "Then make certain he is aware of your distress for every moment until he returns. He should _not_ have left you with such a burden," she stated firmly.

Rose realized there was still so much she didn't understand about having this kind of mental connection with someone. "But…how? The link we have is faint. I can barely even feel it. Especially now."

"Oh, but there is great potential within it. That much is evident. Even partially diminished, your link is vibrant." The woman then produced a small, luminous, oval-shaped pendent from an inner fold of her cloak. It was translucent, but pulsed crimson in Rose's proximity. "Here. Take this. It will help you heighten your projected emotions, but only toward the one who shares in your union. Concentrate on what you are feeling and channel it toward the connection that is still between you."

Rose tentatively took the pendant, but was unsure of what to say. This had been an unusual conversation, to say the least. "Thank you," she finally answered. "I'll…I'll try."

The woman gave a single nod before turning to go, rejoining her waiting husband. Rose watched the couple as they left, then looked down at the glowing pendant clasped in her hand. She debated for a moment, then finally decided to slip it on as she returned to work. She was willing to try anything.

-:-:-:-

After finishing work and returning to the suite that night, Rose's thoughts kept circulating back to the encounter she'd had earlier in the day. The female empath had given Rose a clearer understanding of what she was experiencing due to the Doctor's absence. The pain was not just in her heart but in her mind. In pondering this more deeply, she realized how the newly-formed bond they shared had so readily become a gentle, soothing presence in her subconscious. The Doctor's absence, however, stifled this, making her mind ache and feel raw around the edges.

Rose went to bed early that night, hoping to simply sleep and get a reprieve from these feelings altogether. It seemed no use, though. She tossed and turned, rest eluding her. She couldn't shut down her thoughts. Rose gave further contemplation to what the woman had suggested, but she questioned whether she really could manage to mentally reach out for the Doctor. It would have no doubt been difficult enough simply separated by distance. Where the Doctor was concerned, depending on where he had gone there may very well have been time separating them as well. How could she possibly hope to reach him if that were the case?

Hopeless as it may be, she had to at least try one more time. In the dark solitude of this lonely night, Rose focused on projecting her emotions and all that she was feeling through their faded link. All of her pain, fear, anger and heartache was gathered and concentrated on that one place in her mind where she hoped the Doctor could still feel her. She focused with such intensity that it became exhausting. Prior to this, she had been trying very hard to push down these feelings in order to simply get through each day. Finally unleashing this now with such magnitude made it feel like her heart was being torn in two.

Sleep finally came, but her rest was fitful as her mind continued to churn. The crimson pendent she wore grew brighter, pulsing with each beat of her anguished heart.

-:-:-:-

Rose was unexpectedly woken in the pre-dawn hours by a message coming through the suite's communication system. She rolled onto her back groggily. Her bleary eyes opened to the sight of the small pulsing spherical communication device hovering just over her in bed. She startled for a second. Rose briefly wondered if she would ever fully adjust to alien tech. She reached for the sphere and tapped it once, answering the message.

"Um…hello," she said, feeling a little awkward talking into a glowing ball.

"_Rose, I'm sorry to disturb you. This is Jaise."_

Rose rubbed her eyes. _Blimey_, did the Registration Center never close? "What is it?"

"_We've detected something that I think you'd want to know about." _Rose immediately sat up in bed, hoping this was the news she had literally been dreaming of hearing. _"The ship you've been searching for arrived back here just a few minutes ago."_

Rose's heart jumped to her throat. "The TARDIS," she murmured, feeling a little breathless.

"_Yes."_

"Where?" she inquired hastily, already out of bed and fumbling around for her clothes. She had hoped the Doctor would have been the one to come straight to _her_ when he finally returned, but since he apparently had not, she wasn't going to wait on him. She'd waited long enough.

"_It's not far from where you are. Just across the street from your guest village, actually."_

By then Rose was hopping on one foot to get her other leg into her jeans as she moved over to the front bedroom window and pushed aside the drapes, but a flowering tree out front obscured her view to the street.

Jaise continued. _"I was hesitant at first to even notify you and perhaps interrupt, thinking that _surely_ he'd come to you straight away. But then again…"_

She knew what Jaise was thinking. He thought the Doctor couldn't be trusted to come to her on his own. The same doubt had made its way into her own mind knowing that he was still out there delaying this. "Thank you for letting me know," she said shortly but with gratitude. "You did the right thing. I'm gonna go straight out there now."

"_Or you could make him wait a good long while,"_ Jaise suggested dryly.

Rose smiled at the friendship they'd formed in this short time. "Yeah, I probably should. I'd go spare waiting for an explanation, though. I'll talk to you soon."

Now fully dressed, Rose rang off. seconds later she was out the main door of the suite. She hurried down the front path and was casting her anxious eyes to the street beyond as she moved in that direction. The main route was now all but empty, free of the activity of waking hours.

She was half afraid to believe this news herself until her eyes landed on the TARDIS standing stoic and silent just a few meters away on the other side of the boulevard. It was then her hurried pace came to a stop.

In imagining this moment in her mind, Rose had expected herself to barrel into the TARDIS and scream at him, cry at him, tell him she loved him, tell him she hated him, smack him senseless and then finally hug him so tight she'd never let go. As the scene played in her mind, however, she realized she needed to gain some semblance of control over her scattered emotions. Plus, the fact that he _still_ just sat there, not making any attempt to come find her and explain himself, just made Rose all the more angry and hurt than she'd already been, which was something she wouldn't have thought possible.

After staring at the unmoving blue box for what felt like minutes, but in reality was probably no more than a few seconds, Rose moved forward, wondering what to say and just where to begin. Hopefully, _he _would do the talking first. He certainly had an enormous amount to explain.

She was within several feet of the TARDIS when the doors slowly opened, creaking in that achingly-familiar greeting. The Doctor was silhouetted in the dark as he moved forward. He stepped out, eyes not yet on her as he looked about at his surroundings, and Rose nearly fell back in utter disbelief.

The image that had lived only in her memories was now standing directly in front of her in vibrant, _impossible_ life. From the dark cropped hair to the well-worn black leather jacket – her first Doctor, the man who had first taken her hand and captured her heart, was now standing before her.

Piercing blue eyes then locked on hers in a heart-stopping moment, and Rose did the only thing she could think to do in that split second of shock.

She turned and ran.

He had clearly already seen her in the second before she darted.

"Oi! I want to talk to you!" His thick Northern accent called out in that indignant tone that made her heart ache just in hearing it again. She kept moving, though, not looking back at this impending paradox.

Rose ran across the street and ducked down an alley between a row of guest cottages. She wove through various back access routes, trying to put distance between herself and this potential disaster. Her racing mind didn't even have time to contemplate the impossible complexities of how or why _he_ was here. All she knew was that they mustn't meet outside the established timeline of what had already taken place between them. As it was, the current situation was complicated enough. The very last thing that needed to be thrown into the mix, now of all times, was Reapers. That was an excruciating experience Rose never again wanted to re-live.

Breathing heavy from her mad sprint, she finally slowed down behind the seclusion of a stone wall that separated a line of guest suites. She slowly crept to the edge of the wall and peered around it back out to the street. There was almost no one about, the street eerily empty in the soft light of the luminous trees that lined the main boulevard. There was also no sign of a Time Lord – past, present or future.

Life just wasn't fair, she concluded. In fact, it was downright sadistic and treacherously cruel. She had been going half out of her mind for the Doctor to return. Now he was here, but he was the _wrong bloody one_! A part of her wanted to march right up to this implausible man and rage at him for leaving her, even if for him, the incident had not yet occurred. She also had the overwhelming urge to find him, throw her arms around him and cling to him, assuring herself that the Doctor, _any_ Doctor was here. A deep, shielded portion of her heart also ached to say the goodbye to _this_ Doctor that she'd never had the chance for, even though he had never truly left her – only changed. He had never truly left until two weeks ago, that is. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to laugh or cry. Was her life with this man _ever_ anything but complicated?

She considered the possibility that maybe she needed to confront him instead of fleeing. Maybe he had somehow come here with some type of message to her from his future self. But even without deep knowledge of the intricacies of Time, she knew such a scenario could create an impossibly-tangled mess and was not the sort of thing the Doctor would risk. No, something in her gut told her this was all wrong. This was dangerous. She could feel it.

Rose took in a weighted breath and turned back around, her back resting against the white stone partition behind her. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw the very man she had been trying to evade standing directly across from her.

He was the picture of cool restraint and thundering potential. His arms were crossed over his leather-clad chest, crimson jumper layered beneath. He stared her down, one shoulder resting against the white stone wall that stood on the opposite side. The alleyway created by walled partitions behind and before was currently trapping her in place. Rose realized that trying to avoid or outrun this was futile. He was dogged in his tenacity. If this Doctor intended to find her then he _would_ find her. Simple as that. And trying to avoid a paradoxical encounter was now already too late.

Rose stared back in calculated silence, waiting for him to make the first move.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N **Things get all the more complicated as Rose is confronted with a very moody, post-war Nine.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

_He stared her down, one shoulder resting against the white stone wall that stood on the opposite side. The alleyway created by walled partitions behind and before was currently trapping her in place. Rose realized that trying to avoid or outrun this was futile. He was dogged in his tenacity. If this Doctor intended to find her then he would find her. Simple as that. And trying to avoid a paradoxical encounter was now already too late. _

_Rose stared back in calculated silence, waiting for him to make the first move._

She didn't have to wait long. This Doctor never had been one to tip-toe an issue. Cut a direct path, that was him.

"Are you done, then?" this Ninth version of the Doctor asked in superior-toned annoyance. "'Cause we can keep up this little game of chase for hours if you'd like. But it's only fair to point out that I've got an advantage with a respiratory bypass while you've only got one ordinary, pitiful set of lungs. Superior physiology, me."

Her current Doctor had a tendency to be rude at times, but Rose had forgotten just how insolent this earlier version of him could be. And _oh_, how she still at times missed him – especially now, bereft of him in _any_ form. Amid the host of perplexing questions currently whipping through Rose's mind, one at the forefront was whether this incarnation of him even knew her yet.

"Okay, now that we've got that settled, tell me who you are," he then asked in a voice that was both casual and demanding. His laser-sharp gaze appeared to be performing a meticulous analysis as he studied her intensely.

His query had just answered her first question. Prudence told her that the less information she gave in this precarious encounter the better. This was _not_ how they were supposed to meet, and she already feared what damage might be occurring to the established timeline. She now realized exactly why the Doctor had told her Time was in full flux here, and what's more, centered on them. She even wondered if this all somehow tied in to the whole mad situation. Rose countered his question with one of her own.

"Why do you want to know?" she carefully side-stepped.

He pushed off from the wall and stalked a few feet closer, his tall, black-clad form imposing. "No. That's not how this works. _I_ ask a question, and _you_ answer. Simple enough, eh? Now, let's try this again. Who are you?"

Talk about a loaded question. She was not giving in to him, intimidating as he might attempt to be. For once, Rose was absolutely certain she was the wiser of the two in this situation considering what she knew of his future. She had to play this coolly, though; like he was just some mad bloke she'd never laid eyes on before and not a man she was longing to drink in and recommit every facet to memory.

"I don't think you get to ask questions under the circumstances. Trust me, I think it's best if you just go." She felt a brief pang with those last words, but it was true.

He snorted derisively. "_Trust_ you? You ran like a guilty thief."

That briefly got her hackles up. "_You_ chased me! Who's the guilty one here?"

Rose detected a slight upward twitch of his lips. Betraying her anger, her heart involuntarily thumped harder, knowing his smile's potential. He was gorgeous when that wide, electric, _fantastic_ grin of his broke free. Not unlike his successor.

"Okay, fair point. I'll give you that," he marginally conceded. "So we're _both_ untrustworthy. I asked my question first, though."

Rose paused, gathering her calm composure and formulating the safest possible response, because it was clear that he wasn't backing off. "Alright. Fine. I work nearby in Guest Registration. Which, by the way, have you registered your arrival properly? I didn't think so. Anyway, I was just walking by after a late shift when you started chasin' me."

He shook his head. "No. You ran, and _then_ I started chasin' you. See how that one little detail makes a difference?"

Rose ignored his tactic of trying to coerce answers from her. Several important questions of her own had already formed. Obviously, quite a few all-important Laws of Time had already been broken to bits by this encounter and it was now too late for him to just walk away without this changing a few things. In that case, what she wanted now were answers. She'd been waiting weeks for answers from this bloody alien, and now that he'd knocked her upside the head with this latest blow, the mounting questions had just about reached the tipping point. He clearly didn't even know her yet. So why was he even here? And why had he come after her?

Rose stood a little straighter, watching him intently as she asked a vital question of her own. "Why should I matter to you? Why did you even want to talk to me?"

His countenance became dark and turbulent. Behind it there was severe pain, more raw and intensive than she had been used to seeing, even from _him_.

"I've been searching for someone," came his low, haunted reply.

"Who?" Rose asked, her voice softening as she moved a little closer, instinctively wishing to soothe him. Her own hurt and anger was temporarily overshadowed. He was hurting. Her Doctor needed her. It was that simple.

He stiffened, jaw squared and set tight. "It doesn't matter," he lied.

"_Who_?" she pressed a little firmer, having vested interest in the answer.

"_ANYONE_," he finally burst out in a rough, pained voice. He dropped his eyes and his tone. "Anyone."

She waited for him to say more, let him silently know that she was there to listen; let him know it was okay. His pain was safe with her. She hoped maybe he could sense that, even now.

"There was a War," he began, voice still pitched low. "And I've been lookin' for any…survivors. But there's no one. Not a single one." Blue eyes snapped up to meet hers, deepening to cobalt as they darkened. "But then there was you. I could _feel_ something, reaching out. It's faint, barely there. But it feels almost like the mind of one of…my people."

Rose swallowed shakily. "And you followed it to the source," she surmised in a soft murmur. Rose wasn't even sure what to say. In reaching out for the Doctor through their bond, she certainly never anticipated _this_ outcome. They had both been desperately seeking at the same time. _Of course_ he had found her.

He assessed her up and down, dark brows dipping low to hood his eyes as he frowned. "But you're not from my world. I even scanned from my ship to be sure. You're _human_," he said, almost in disdain.

Rose drew her bottom lip between her teeth and bit down. How much should she tell him? How much _could_ she tell him? Obviously, a few rules had already been broken. What was one more? "There's an answer to that." She gave a soft laugh, a nervous sound. "But it's…complicated."

She was startled when he rapidly moved closer, nearly toe-to-toe as his eyes swept her face. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Seconds later his fingers were on her temple, but Rose was instantly distracted from this outward touch as she felt an inner sensation, like an investigative prodding in her mind, and not entirely gentle. He was determined for answers and willing to take them. If it were anyone else she would have felt violated, but a part of this belonged to him. His eyes snapped open and Rose took in a sharp breath at the brief, unexpected sensation.

"Impossible," he breathed out as he lurched back. "How could a human possibly have a Gallifreyan bond?"

This was getting much too dangerous. She kept her answer short. "I told you, it's complicated."

He crossed his arms in a defiant stance. "You've just summed up my entire existence in one go, so I think I can handle 'complicated.'"

Rose knew there was no way he was backing down from this. As it was, the timelines were already going to have to be put back in place or altered or otherwise patched-up due to this encounter. She figured it was best to speak a little more candidly so they could move past this bit and get closer to resolving it.

"I'm bonded to a Time Lord," she finally answered with confidence, almost daring him to contradict her.

He shook his head, frown darkening. "Oh, I don't think so. Even if what you said was somehow true, the death of a mate severs a bond, but _this_ one is still active. But the Time Lords are gone. Every single one of them. Believe me, I would know. I made it happen." His expression became dangerous. His eyes narrowed on the empathic pendent around her neck. "What game are you playin' at, eh? You were trying to get me here, weren't you? How did you concoct this?"

Rose's eyes flashed in challenge. It was now far too late to keep this encounter from influencing his future with her, so he would have to see to it that his memory was suppressed after all this. Rose had nothing to lose by saying more at this point. And frankly, she was fed up with delicately skirting this with a man who had formed this bond unexpectedly, abandoned her with it, and was now showing up and accusing her of contriving the whole thing.

"I _was_ trying to get you here. I was reaching for you, but not quite looking to find you like _this_. The bond you sensed wasn't concocted." She took the pendent from her chest and held it up. "This was helping me because the link is still new to me. It was created just recently by the one I was trying to reach out and find. And if the man I'm talkin' about didn't tend to _run away_, I wouldn't have had to try this at all."

He moved back a pace then. He laughed, short and sharp. "Is that supposed to make some sort of sense? As explanations go, I think you can do better than that."

Rose lifted her chin. She'd been through just about enough from him – past _and_ present. "Well, you're the clever one. Surely you can figure it out from here since I just practically spelled it all out for you." She paused. "I _did_ warn you not to ask questions. Now you've gone and mucked about with your future."

Rose could see the precise moment the penny dropped and he processed exactly what he had been refusing to acknowledge. His face became that of shocked disbelief, almost immediately followed by angry denial. "Pull the other one. That was a nice try, but I don't think so," he answered tersely.

He turned abruptly, and Rose knew he was going to leave – right here, right now – if she didn't intervene. Survivor's guilt had driven his search for a remnant of his people, no doubt seeking to plead for a shred of absolution. What he ended up finding instead was a future he was in no way ready to accept. Yet he _couldn't_ leave while allowing the memory of this encounter to remain intact. Otherwise he would rewrite their future the moment he moved on from this point. He knew that, too. He now knew exactly what he was doing, and she had to stop him before it was too late.

The Doctor was so damaged and ravaged by anger and pain at this point in his life. To realize he was going to bond himself to a human sometime in his future was something this version of him was nowhere near being able to allow. Be it wanting to punish himself or _never ever_ get close to anyone else again, she knew he was poised to erase this version of his future that he had stumbled upon. Maybe he was currently battered and broken to the point of thinking that he was _meant_ to change this, better off if he kept it from happening in the first place. She couldn't trust what he might do with this foreknowledge at this particular point in his life.

Rose darted around in front of him, blocking his way and forcing him to a stop. "You're right," she said quickly. "You don't _think_ it's true. You _know_ it's true. You know it's true because you can feel it." His sharp eyes pierced hers for a fraction of a second before looking away. "You _can_ feel it, can't you? And that scares you. It scares you to realize what this means. But it shouldn't! You can trust this. You can trust me. And one day you'll realize that this is very, very _right_." Rose inwardly hoped that was true, considering the actions of his present self. "You came here because you were hoping to find that you weren't alone. Well you _won't_ be, so long as there's me."

He studied her for a long, tense moment. "What's your name?" he finally asked, voice hauntingly quiet.

"Rose Tyler."

"Rose Tyler…," he tested the name on his tongue, measuring the syllables and caressing the consonants. "Nice to meet you, Rose."

"Is this where you tell me I should run for my life?" she murmured.

"No. This is where I run for mine."

He pushed past her then and headed back toward the street. Rose hurried after him, finally catching him by the arm and making him stop again.

"Wait! You can't just leave like this."

"Well, I obviously can't stay. Wrong timeline, an' all that. But like I said, nice to meet you."

Rose braced a hand on his solid shoulder, eyes pleading. "I have to be sure that you're gonna make this right. 'Cause I know a little about how Time works, yeah? You can't let yourself remember this. We weren't supposed to meet this way. You have to take away the memory so it doesn't change things in your future. This future is _supposed_ to happen for us."

His face softened then for the first time. "You know what, Rose? I'm gonna do you the greatest favor of your life, and for once do something right with mine."

Rose knew what he meant by that, and the thought made her sick. "No. You _can't_ do that! If you leave knowing about our future before you've even met me, then it will change _everything_."

"Like I said, the greatest favor of your life."

Rose was starting to feel a little desperate now. "How can you say that? This was _meant_ to be, and you can't change it. You can't jeopardize – _destroy_ – what we have. Just…_fix_ this, please!"

He shook his head slowly, and her heart broke at his tone. "Oh, you beautifully-innocent woman named Rose. Time is in a fluid state, constantly changing and being re-written. Do you know how many things I've re-formed on a daily basis – sometimes because I could and sometimes because I _should_? I've stumbled upon a future that's only one in a whole mass of possible futures. And you could have one a thousand times better than this."

He turned away and started moving again, swiftly approaching the TARDIS.

"No, I won't," Rose said in his direction. "Because we'll both be dead." That temporarily halted him. "You saved my life when we first met, and then I saved yours. If you leave here and purposely steer away from me, steer away from _us_, then where would that leave our lives?"

"Doesn't matter. Mine isn't worth saving," he uttered darkly, not turning around.

She didn't have time to play his martyr's game. He might not care about his own future existence, but she knew deep down he still cared about that of others. "And what about mine?"

He spun back around on his black-booted heel. "I can't account for every possibility when something changes."

"Then _don't_ change it!"

"It's too late!"

Rose reached him again in a few quick strides. "No, it's not. It's never too late. Just make sure that what's happened here doesn't affect the future. You can do that. I know you can. Even if you don't want to. Because one day you _will_ want it. If you don't believe me then believe yourself, because your future self and I _chose_ this."

He cocked his head to the side, eyes remaining trained on her. "Did I? Really? And where am I now? Because I would be able to feel if my future self were anywhere near. The TARDIS would've fought against even coming into this timestream if I were. She prevents that sort of thing. You said yourself you'd been trying to find me. What was that about running? So just where am I in this grand future of yours, eh?"

She tried to ignore the pain that flared in her heart at the question. "I don't know." Rose answered honestly, after a beat.

"Like I said. I'm doin' you a favor. I don't know how I could have come to do something so stupid in my future, but I can spare you that now."

His words left her reeling, and before she realized it, he was back inside the TARDIS and the door was slammed shut.

Rose felt her stomach drop and her legs weaken. How had _everything_ come to this? She had another momentary flash of anger at her current Doctor for leaving, because if he hadn't, this brash and currently irrational past version of himself wouldn't have even been able to arrive here.

If her entire past with the Doctor was about to change, what would become of them? She had already been faced with timelines in flux not long ago with the Doctor, and he told her then that the moment their past changed, their present, as they had already come to know it, would change, too. If this Doctor moved on from here and never told her to 'Run,' what then?

Despite all that had recently happened, she wasn't ready to give up on them just yet. Not by a long shot. And this version of the Doctor was so broken that he couldn't possibly be trusted with allowing himself to have this kind of future. Her current Doctor seemed to barely even be able to come to terms with it, much less his former self, eaten down to the marrow by having just come through the Time War.

Rose realized she had to stop him any way possible and convince him to let this potential future of his stand. Though he had stormed back into the TARDIS and essentially slammed the door in her face, he had not yet left. Maybe she had gotten through to him on some level, Rose thought. She wasn't waiting to find out the reason for his delayed departure. Rose drew her key from around her neck, hurried up to the door and unlocked it.

As she stepped in, she imagined the look on his face was similar to what hers had been when seeing him so unexpectedly minutes before.

"How did you get in here?" he demanded, rounding away from the console and storming forward.

She held up her key. "Frequent flyer's privileges."

"You need to leave."

Rose held her ground, effecting as calm a demeanor as possible. "Speaking of which, why haven't you?"

"I'm trying."

"The TARDIS acting against you?"

He widened his stance, arms crossed. "The TARDIS has just come through a War. She's still damaged."

_She isn't the only one_, thought Rose. She approached him cautiously, her voice softening. "Look, I know this isn't a future you want right now, or one you think you could ever have or deserve. But trust me when I say that stopping it from happening would be one of the biggest mistakes of your life."

He held her eyes before shaking his head. "Not possible. I've already made the biggest mistake of my life."

Rose didn't have time to even begin to try to address his issues over the Time War or try to convince him, yet again, that his actions were necessary. That was something she doubted could _ever_ completely be fixed.

"Then don't add to it," she answered simply.

He switched gears abruptly. "So tell me something since you refuse to leave and seem to like standin' here nattering. How did this bond even come about?"

Rose hesitated. His future self was still trying to contend with that. She seriously doubted if his past self could handle the acceptance of it any better. Actually, it would probably fuel his argument of claiming it was a mistake. She had to be honest with him if they were ever going to get anywhere, though.

"It wasn't planned, at first. We…didn't expect it."

He barked a bitter laugh. "Oh, so _that's_ it. I think I get the picture. I shagged a human and accidentally trapped you for life. You should be more careful about who you sleep with next time. Never bed a Time Lord without the mental equivalent of sex protection, or accidents might happen."

Before Rose even registered what she was doing, her feet carried her forward and the palm of her hand connected with his cheek in a stinging blow. "Git!" she exploded. "Don't you _dare_ presume that's all it was and try to cheapen something that is _so_ much more!"

"If it's something so grand and glorious then where am I now?" he yelled back. "I've left you! And do you know why? Because as low a tactic as that might seem, it is far, _far_ better than having me in your life."

His words cut like a knife, but despite their cruelty there was such sorrow in his eyes. He wanted her to believe him so that she would let him go. He didn't even know her, but he thought this was best for her.

"I don't know where you've gone," Rose confessed, voice now quiet. A watery laugh then escaped. "You were supposed to be movin' the TARDIS and you're a horrible driver. So for all I know, that explains it. Because I don't know why you would tell me you wanted this with me, despite having some issues, and then leave before we'd even had a chance to begin. But what I do know is this: I love you."

He looked more stunned by this confession than he had by her physical blow. Rose continued on. "Oh, I don't expect you to even come close to being able to handle hearing that. Your future self hardly even knows what to make of it. But I _do_ love you. Nothing that's happened has changed that."

He was silent, and Rose held his gaze, unswerving. "And until you've had a chance to live this future for yourself – until you stand with me backed against a wall, surrounded by 'ghosts' and about to die with both of us just glad in that moment that we met and might at least die _together_, until you make the choice to save the world but lose me and find out I don't hate you for it but know deep down I love you a little more for making that choice, until we're _both_ willing to die for each other while facing down your greatest enemy, until we start all over again on the outside but realize nothing could change how we feel on the inside, until we both lose everything but each other and I tell you that as long as we're _together_ it isn't so bad, until you realize that I'm the one thing you believe in, until you asked me how long I'm gonna stay with you and I promise _forever_, until we stand in front of each other and make vows for _life_ – until you've lived through that entire future then I don't expect you to even come _close_ to understanding it."

Rose had to stop and breathe then, fighting back tears in her eyes. "All I'm asking is that you give it a chance to happen in the first place. Afterwards, if you want to walk away from it all and never look back, then I'll let you go. And if your future self comes back and tells me that's what he wants then I'll do everything in my power to have a fantastic life without you. But don't end this before it's even had a chance."

Rose turned away. She dug her nails into the palms of her hands and drew a breath through constricted airways before turning back to face him one more time. "Oh, and for the record? I never once had casual sex with you. But as husband and wife we _did_ make love."

Without another word, Rose turned and walked away, leaving a silenced Time Lord in her wake. The rest was now up to him. If she'd ever had faith in the Doctor, this was the time for it to be proven.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N **Nine comes to a decision as Rose comes to a bit more understanding.

* * *

**Chapter 13**

It had only happened a scant few times over the course of 900 years and 9 bodies, but in the span of a few moments, a lone human female had left the Doctor utterly stupefied. He now stood staring after this woman who had, in a single encounter, turned what he thought he knew of his life on its head. Only fair, he inwardly conceded, considering he'd apparently done the same to her. This was madness. All of this, utter madness. There was no possible way for him to even try to process this here and now. He should just run without further thought and not look back. He could do that. Often did, in fact. It was easy, the running much less complicated and so much safer than coming to a stop.

He threw a scathing look at the console as the central column pulsed in an angry warning. Maybe not so easy, then.

The Doctor dropped into the jump seat, arms folded. On the outside he was the picture of calm contemplation. On the inside his thoughts were a chaotic mess. He could not wrap his head around the fact that apparently sometime in his future, his life would become entangled, rather significantly, with this improbable woman. This human. How could he have allowed that? Why in the name of all that was sane would she even want it? Maybe those mystifying questions were as impossible to assign an answer to as the reason why, regardless of the TARDIS' stubbornness, he was still here in the first place – the reason why this woman had grabbed him like two iron fists around his hearts and was currently making it a bit difficult for them to beat properly. In doing so, she had also managed to make him intensely aware that they were still beating after all.

For the very first time since this current life of his began in battle just as everyone else's was ending, he found himself not imprisoned for every second in the past, but actually looking toward a possible future. _Should_ he actually leave this timeline intact and allow this future of his to take place? Absolutely not. Was he going to let it stand anyway? He couldn't answer that question quite as easily.

She had referred to them as _Husband_ and _Wife_. Sometime in his future, they were going to be _Bonded_. He was not the sort of man who could possibly allow himself to have this type of…involvement. And certainly not now. His way of life had never exactly made him an ideal candidate for a permanent commitment; furthermore, even if he had wanted to embrace 'permanence,' that sort of thing wasn't possible for a being such as himself who now bore the curse of living on alone. _That_ was now his definition of permanence. He was also stained from his clenched hands down to his fleeing feet with the blood that had been shed of his entire race in War. No, he was not the sort of man who could share a life such as his with another. He couldn't fathom that he ever could be.

And maybe in this future, he wasn't. Evidence pointed to his prospective self as being a miserable prat who treated relationships as throwaway objects. Just add that character trait to the list. It certainly wasn't his greatest sin. Although, he had a possible explanation to account for what had become of himself in this future.

He glared at the console again. She was annoyingly stoic and silent. He rolled his eyes.

Bloody, interfering ship. She always seemed to think she knew what was best for him, like keeping him alive on the front lines when he'd been ready to die with the rest. He still carried that wish. He wasn't in denial about that. Yet here he was, drowning in endings and suddenly smacked in the face (literally) with a possible beginning. It was rather convenient that his future self was out of the way so that he had been able to slip effortlessly into this timestream. Just what kind of shenanigans does his future TARDIS get up to? Like meddling, quite possibly, in this current situation. He still leaned toward the more likely belief that he deliberately ran, though. He knew himself far too well. His instinct to always move on and never look back transcended past, present and future.

Despite the entrenched instinct to turn tail even now, the Doctor kept looking forward toward the door, inexplicably drawn to the woman who was somewhere beyond. What was it about _her_ that could have apparently changed him so? What was it about her that currently compelled him to want to look all the closer, in spite of reason telling him to look away? He compulsively wanted to know every detail of her existence, while at the same time sensing that he could analyze her for an eternity, and a part of her would always remain an elusive mystery.

If he sensed that now after having only just laid eyes on her, maybe it wasn't so hard after all to believe that he could have allowed himself to get in so deep. She said she had saved his life. He found himself easily believing that of her. He also found himself believing that she might just as readily end it if his future self came waltzing back without a _very_ good explanation. He smirked despite himself. There was so much about her he didn't know, but he _did_ know this inexorable blonde had fire in her soul. Was he willing to chance getting burned? Considering the current state of his existence, did he really have anything to lose if he did?

-:-:-:-

It had been close to an hour since Rose had made a final appeal to her past Doctor to allow this version of their future to remain intact. She now sat atop the plateau where she and the Doctor had first arrived on this planet weeks before. The suns were rising now, the dazzling spheres just beginning to peek over the crest of the newly-illuminated horizon. The landscape was bathed in soft light, the magenta sky an even deeper, richer shade as night gave way to morning.

In her hands, she cradled the pendant that the female empath had given her the day before. It continued to radiate steadily in the proximity of her rolling emotions. She placed it down beside her on the ground. Rose was done attempting to enhance her link to the Doctor by outside means. Trying had landed her in this predicament. Well, partially, at least.

She was glad it had happened, though. It had given her a chance to get to know this alien she had bonded herself to even better. This was a two-way relationship, and if he didn't want this with her – past _or_ present him – then maybe its very existence _did_ need to be called into question.

Rose grimaced for allowing herself to think such a thought. Call her insane, but she _still_ wanted this relationship with him and believed they had a chance. That belief was given just a glimmer more hope due to the fact that his past, cynical, infuriating self (who she still loved madly) had not left yet. She could just make out the top of the TARDIS near the boulevard below from her vantage point above. She could picture him in there brooding. He had the market cornered on that practice. He should patent the technique.

Rose was surprised, then, though not entirely shocked, when the Doctor finally emerged and came up to where she was to join her. She felt that conflicted, aching clench in her chest once again just in seeing this version of him. She watched him approach up the dawn-lit path, his expression inscrutable. If he was here to give her the '_Now forget me, Rose Tyler' _speech, she'd rather he'd stayed in the TARDIS.

He didn't say a word as he lowered himself down to the ground beside her and sat, reclining back on one elbow with his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. Rose glanced at his black-clad form out the corner of her eye. The image he presented was not unlike their first trip together when he reclined, casual as you please, while they awaited seeing her home planet burn to a cinder. He always did face catastrophes with disarming ease.

"The TARDIS is a bit miffed, apparently," he finally said after a minute or two of mutual silence. "She won't leave just yet."

"Can't imagine why," Rose answered back while continuing to gaze straight ahead. "She's a time ship and knows you wanted to muck with established events."

He cut a glance at her then, plainly amazed and at the same time hugely annoyed that this human was telling _him_ about the Rules of Time. "No. It's because she's a _she_. Women are moody."

Rose snorted. "Well, you'd know about 'moody,' I s'pose. But she has a good heart. I would know, I've seen it. Absorbed it once," she added casually, finding satisfaction in knowing she continued to leave him gobsmacked. If he was going to walk away from all this, she was at least going to give him plenty to think about on the way. She slid her eyes to him.

He snapped his mouth shut and looked away, trying to regain his carefully-crafted poise and not go half mad, once again, in questioning just how much more there was to this woman – this puzzling amalgam of ordinary and extraordinary. "So tell me something," he went on, trying to ignore how dry his throat had become. "How did you know I was an earlier version of myself when you saw me? You'd been lookin' for me to return, so why did you run at first sight?"

Rose flinched. She'd hoped not to have to mention this along with everything else, but she should have known he'd wonder about that detail.

"Oh, c'mon," he prodded when she hesitated. "It's not like a whole load of secrets haven't been given away already."

Rose glanced down and picked at her fingernails, attempting to look casual but coming across as the opposite. "You…we'll, that is…seeing _this_ you was sort of a giveaway. Because…something happened, or _will_ happen from your perspective, and because of it, you…"

"I regenerated," he finished for her.

She nodded silently. It still hurt a bit. Not that she didn't love her current Doctor completely and know these two were still the same man deep down in regards to their feelings – especially considering he told her she had even influenced the process of who he had become. But even for him and his renewable existence, it had still been a death.

"This sunny little future you want me to inherit is sounding better and better all the time," he replied sarcastically.

"You asked," she reminded him.

"Catch me doin' that again."

Rose hid a small smile.

He looked at her once, then glanced away. He clearly had a host of questions running amok through his mind. The first one was perhaps not at the top of his list, but it was a starting point. Under the circumstances she knew him, in some ways, better than he knew himself, and it knocked him off kilter. This was his way of finding a bit of even ground.

"So…s'pose there's no harm in knowing at this point, and it's the sort of thing a Time Lord is always curious about. Might as well make use of the fact that you can tell me, eh? When it comes to the next me, am I…"

She waited, but he let that sentence dangle. "Are you what?"

He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "You know."

"Doctor, when you ask 'are you' and leave the end of that question blank, there are literally millions of possibilities when it comes to you. You're gonna have to be more specific."

He cleared his throat. "Am I…fantastic?"

She might have chuckled if not for the fact that beneath his curiosity was a measure of insecurity. "You've always been fantastic," she honestly assured him.

"Well, 'course I have. But I mean…"

Rose realized what he was getting at. She couldn't blame him, really. If she were in his place, she'd be more than a little curious, too. It must have been so unsettling to know you were going to inevitably change but having no clue as to whom you would become – even the superficial aspects, which was as deep as he was presently willing to go with her on this subject. It was a bit of a peculiar conversation for the moment considering the more important matters at hand; but then, it was a bit of a peculiar conversation under any circumstances. That was the Doctor for you.

She indulged him in this. At least he was still here and he was talking. "You mean are you drop-dead gorgeous, devastatingly handsome, too sexy for your…jumper?"

"Not the terms I would have used, but they'll do," he responded neutrally.

Rose considered his unlikely but understandable question as she visualized her current Doctor – the outrageously-sexy hair, lithe body, a grin that could illuminate a black hole, and dark espresso eyes that both arrested her heart and haunted her soul.

"You're…beautiful," she concluded.

"Beautiful?" he repeated dryly.

"Well, yeah."

"Beautiful is a word to describe a _woman_," he grumbled. She looked at him and smirked, but then was caught still in his gaze. He had sat up. His eyes drank her in ever so briefly, sweeping over every feature as his voice softened. "Beautiful is a word that's meant to describe…" He swallowed and turned his head.

"Yeah?" she breathed.

"Well…a woman. Like I said."

"Any…particular woman?"

He leaned back again as he righted himself and flipped that switch of indifference. "Don't go fishin' for compliments. Have you always had a confidence issue? Now then, back to me…"

"No confidence issue there," she muttered. Typical.

"Nope. But as I was sayin', just don't go tellin' me I become some sort of–"

"I thought you didn't have a confidence issue," she interjected. He scowled. "Sorry. Go ahead. You hope you're not…what?"

He pulled a face, the word distasteful. "Pretty."

Rose pondered it. "_Well_, actually…I suppose you are. A bit."

He let out a sound halfway between a growl and a huff at this revelation. He eyed her side-long. "It figures that would be your type."

Rose suppressed a secret smile. He always tended to be a bit jealous of that sort, even when it came to himself, apparently. She wondered if it had to do with the deeply-rooted self-loathing he had of himself at this particular period, the man born in battle. How could anyone be attracted to that, he no doubt questioned. She never did get to tell him in exact words just how much she adored this version of him, too. Maybe she should remedy that.

"But just so you know, _this_ you always…" She paused, thinking of the best way to phrase it since this was her one shot.

He looked at her again, as if drawn against his better judgment. "Always what?"

Expressive words momentarily left her as he held her gaze, stripping her down to the basics. "Attracted me."

"Is that so?" he responded flatly. Even if he believed her, he wasn't going to let it show as he tried to hide his vulnerability in this discussion.

"Like an orbital pull," she then elaborated breathily.

"A space metaphor? Really?"

Rose rolled her eyes. Why had she bothered? "I thought you'd appreciate the sentiment."

It was strangely comforting, in a way. Despite the crucial circumstances surrounding them, they fell so easily into this natural fond banter. It convinced her all the more that for everything that was wrong in this situation, _they_ were always right. They just…fit. They worked, even if it wasn't always easy. She hoped he was beginning to feel that, too.

They were both quiet for a minute. He finally took up again, getting to the heart of why he'd brought the matter up.

"So you stayed even after I changed," he stated, not entirely keeping the note of wonder out of his tone.

"Of course I did," Rose answered without pause. "Even if that version of you is _still_ rude."

He shifted to face her then, all banter aside. "You really believe I'll be back for you, don't you?"

"You once promised you'd never leave me behind," she answered with a shrug, as if it were as simple as that. She hoped it was.

He gave a short, quiet laugh. "And look how well that noble promise was kept." She glanced down. "I left you," he stated bluntly, giving her no false hope, even though there was the possibility of his return. "Why would you still want this, even if I did come back?"

"I told you why."

He was the one who looked away this time as her three earlier words reverberated in his ears. There was a pause of silence before he took up the slack. "Do you know what Time Lords do when they're eight years old?" he asked, and Rose marveled at both incarnations' ability to ramble off the subject.

"Recite quantum physics just for fun?"

"Nope. That's only fun to do when you're two." Rose shook her head, clearly wondering if this was going anywhere. "As Novices at the Academy, we're taken to look into Time itself – its fierce, unleashed potential and power through the Untempered Schism. It drove some mad. It made others run. I ran. It's what I do; it's who I am. I'll never stop."

Rose lowered her eyes down to his hand that rested on the ground beside her. It was empty, and that sight was so _wrong_. She covered it with her own. He didn't pull away. He just stared at his hand's opposite yet balancing mate. "You don't have to stop. But you don't have to run alone, either."

"Rose Tyler," he said after a beat, his voice carrying that same mix of awe and sorrow that it did when this version of him had spoken her name for the last time. "Who are you? Really?"

"Just a woman who loves you."

He pulled his hand from beneath hers. "Women like that shouldn't exist."

"Well, I do. So learn to deal with it."

He shook his head, fighting down a smirk and, she suspected, quite possibly fighting a few tears. "I've half a mind to let this future take place like you want, just to prove your brazen, cheeky little self wrong when I don't come back."

"Do it," she challenged. "Then we'll see who's wrong."

"You really think you know me better than I know myself?"

"Yeah," she answered quietly but without arrogance. "Because _this_ you hasn't found yourself again. Not yet. You're still lost."

"And you think you can change that?" he asked just as quietly.

Rose dropped her eyes before lifting them back to his. "No. But I think I can convince you to start looking again. I know I can because you _did_. You will."

He was quiet for a minute after that, gazing out across the horizon as this new day grew brighter. The silence was broken as he cleared away the catch in his throat. "So then, what were we doin' here in the first place? Distress call? Thwarting an invasion attempt? Planting a banana grove so the name of the place could actually be justified?"

Rose decided to lay it on him without mercy. "Honeymoon."

He visibly winced at the sheer domesticity. "Fantastic," he replied, the word drenched in sarcasm, then muttered, "Just what do I become?"

"Utterly domesticated," she quipped, suppressing a smirk. "But if it makes you feel any better, you're rubbish at it."

"What do you expect? I'm a Lord of Time, not…," he grimaced, "…relationships. I gave you a chance to turn back, didn't I? Just remember that since I won't. I don't want to be hearin' you moanin' about it in my future."

Rose gaped at him. He had actually agreed to let their future take place, for better or for worse. This was the closest he would come to admitting it.

He stood without further word and took a few sauntering steps away, then turned back. "Well, don't just sit there like you haven't got two usable legs. Come unlock the TARDIS."

Rose stared at him for a few more seconds, still astonished. She then broke into a grin as that last statement registered. "She's locked you out?"

"Told you she was moody," he grumbled.

-:-:-:-

The two started back down the path together. Rose considered this man beside her in those moments of mutual silence. Though this honeymoon had not gone to plan by any stretch of the imagination, one of her hopes for this trip had been to get to know this perplexing alien all the more. She had certainly come to know herself a little better during the time of reflection created by his absence. Encountering him like this, however, had also given her an even deeper understanding of his nature, glimpsing the Last of the Time Lords in the midst of his most raw and damaged state, a little beyond even that of when she had first met him. It reminded her of what he had to overcome just to let someone in again. Even if she hadn't wished for greater understanding to come quite like _this_, she now comprehended a part of him just a little more.

Rose continued walking with the past version of the Doctor back to the past version of the TARDIS, a ship that she could sense was a little more battle-weary than the one she was familiar with, much like the Doctor. The weathered, ancient ship was resilient, though, and knew sometimes the Doctor needed to stop running, even if only briefly. Rose gave the TARDIS a fond pat as she reached the door, silently thanking her for looking after him, and hoping the current version of the TARDIS was doing the same, wherever her roving Time Lord may be.

Rose withdrew her key and took great satisfaction in unlocking the door for him. She moved aside as he hurriedly strode in. He turned back to her once inside the doorway.

"Well, c'mon, then," he gestured impatiently inside the ship.

"What?"

"I'm gonna take you back home, obviously. There's no use in you waiting here for me to show up for Rassilon knows how long."

"I'm not leavin'," she answered staunchly, taking a step back.

He sighed in exasperation. "Look, if I let this future exist as-is then that means you'll still be stuck here when I go. I can at least fix that. Now c'mon. My future idiotic self can find you back home."

Rose shook her head. "No. I'm gonna give him a little longer."

The Doctor just stared at her. He was gobsmacked by her faith in him, which was perhaps more than anyone else had ever held. It was certainly more than he ever had in himself. As much as the realization petrified him, he _knew_ without a doubt in that moment that one day he would form a bond with this woman. He didn't even know her yet, but he knew _this_ without question. It wasn't a matter of whether he should or he shouldn't. He just knew that he would. How could he _not_ take hold of and cling with all his might to everything that she was and the life she was capable of breathing into his own?

And considering the long-buried emotions that were now just beginning to awaken inside him, he also knew he needed to get away _now_ before he lost just a bit of control. He apparently would be doing enough of that in his future as it was.

"Well, I s'pose there's no point in trying to change a mind like yours when it's made up, then," he relented to her decision.

She reached out with a hand on his arm before he could disappear back inside. "This will work, right? I mean…you forgettin' about all this so nothing changes in your future."

"I'll suppress the memory once I leave. I won't remember unless it's unlocked again, which I won't know to do if I don't know it's there. I might have some…vague impressions here and there. Residual intuitions about some things. Inklings."

Rose nodded, relieved.

There was an awkward pause as he regarded her one more time, just a bit longer than he probably intended and enough that it was noticeable. "Well then, time for me to shove off, I think."

A realization suddenly struck Rose in that moment. She still didn't know why her current Doctor had gone, but she now knew exactly why his former self was here. This wasn't a near-miss calamity of happenstance. This wasn't an encounter that could have destroyed their future. This was an encounter that would help to create their future. This was meant to be.

He moved further through the door, but Rose called out to him just before he shut it. "Wait!"

He turned back around and rolled his eyes. "Is this what you are? A _nag_?"

"I've always thought that maybe everything has a purpose, yeah? So I was thinking, what was the purpose of this?"

"Is this going somewhere in the next century?"

"And then I realized what it is! I know why you needed to be here. I think maybe the TARDIS knew it, too."

He nodded his head, impatient. "Well?"

"Try to remember – or at least have that residual intuition you were talkin' about – that when you first ask me to travel with you and I say no…"

"You said _no_?"

"…Don't take it as my final word."

"I can't believe you said no! Typical, stubborn human," he muttered.

"Come back and ask me again," she implored. "'Cause I can promise you I regretted turning you down the second the words were out, and then I was terrified I might never see you again."

He paused. "I never ask twice."

"Make an exception."

He considered her for a long moment. "Something tells me I'll be doin' a lot of that when it comes to you."

She smiled, slow and sultry as she came closer. "You don't know the half of it."

His eyes studied hers, voice dropping of its own accord. "I think you've given me a pretty fair idea."

Rose slowly shook her head, moving in a step further. "Not quite…"

Before he could react, Rose acted on a driving impulse and lingering fantasy. She rocked forward, rose up on her toes, took his face in her hands and snogged him for all she was worth.

He resisted for a split second before he went the other direction entirely and kissed her back. Feverishly. Strong, calloused hands grabbed her waist and pulled her tightly against him as the scent of well-worn leather enveloped her nose. Her hands roamed upward, unconsciously seeking a lush thatch of hair to sink her fingers into, only to be met by a short crop. It _still_ felt right as her hands drifted along his scalp. The tips of her thumbs grazed his temples on a forward sweep, and she learned that apparently this form of the Doctor was equally responsive to this type of touch.

The sound of his subsequent groan, deep and guttural, had her repeating the motion just to elicit the same gorgeous response. He then nipped at her lower lip before swiping it with his tongue. Her own tongue pushed forward to merge with his. They dueled and discovered in this greeting that was both a hello and goodbye, expressing what words could not convey or dare utter. He was both rousingly aggressive and achingly gentle. It was reckless and frantic and everything she'd ever imagined and over far too soon.

He pulled back after several heart-stopping moments, looking satisfyingly breathless and, perhaps, just a trace less pained around the edges.

He drew a long breath and took a step back into the TARDIS. Rose took a step back in the other direction and smoothed one hand down her blouse as the other briefly touched her lips. For a fleeting second her mind flashed golden, and she felt the ghost-like presence of those same lips upon her own when they had burned in unison.

He stared at her deeply before recovering his voice and coming back to reality. He cleared his throat. "Well, as futures go, I s'pose it could be worse."

Rose was simultaneously delighted and chagrined that this was one of the most romantic things he'd ever said to her, in any form.

There was really nothing more she could say to someone whom she had already said far too much and not nearly enough. She could only hold to the hope that this wasn't the end for them. "I'll see ya," she responded simply with a departing wave.

He considered the statement, then nodded once. "I hope you do."

Rose stood and watched until the TARDIS faded away and she was left gazing at a vacant plot of ground. Her mind and her heart felt empty again. She thought of the man in pinstripes and nearly choked on a sob.

_Would_ he be back?


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N **Time for a few answers…leading to a few more questions.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

The Doctor's past incarnation had departed, and despite the emotional toll of the encounter, it had taken little time for Rose to re-gather her resolve and reach a decision as to what to do next. She had been living the past few weeks perpetually focused on the day her present Doctor had left. It was time to look to the future. She was not giving up on him, but she also was not going to allow herself to be stranded on this alien world permanently with no plan of ever making it away.

With that decision in mind, Rose set a goal for herself. She was going to raise enough funds of her own to pay for long-range transportation. A ship, specifically – even if it meant working nonstop to earn the means necessary. She had vowed to her previous Doctor to stay in this place and give his successor additional time to return, declining his offer to take her home. She still planned to uphold that decision, but she was not going to wait forever for him to return to her. Instead, she was going to find _him, _if that's what it took. It would require at least several months to have the means to secure a deposit on a ship. If the Doctor _still_ had not returned during that time, then she would leave this planet to find him.

Even if finding the Doctor in this vast universe proved to be next to impossible, she hoped to at least make it back to Earth to find her mum and let Jackie know the situation. She would no doubt receive a massive '_I Told You So' _in the process, but Rose ultimately anticipated her mum's understanding and support. And she would need it. Because she then planned to go to every planet she knew to look and scatter messages for the Doctor far and wide if that's what it took.

It was an ambitious plan, to be sure. But Rose was determined not to take this separation lying down. She would, of course, have to learn how to pilot a small private craft once she was able to attain one, but she was capable of learning. She also had a friend who could help.

Jaise had worked a late shift the night before and had just been about to get off work when the TARDIS had been detected by their monitoring station as having left again. Knowing Rose was not the type to up and leave without saying a word (unlike a certain someone), he contacted her again through the suite's comm-system to see if everything was alright. Rose had explained the best she could about the past Doctor's appearance. It had been the man she was looking for, but at the same time wasn't. Jaise gave up trying to understand it. He just marveled that she could live a life of time travel without going mad.

Jaise's less than favorable opinion of the Doctor had not improved much, but he admired Rose's fortitude nonetheless. He even wished he had a little bit of her resilient spirit. He learned early on that she wasn't going to simply give up on the Doctor and move on without first giving him a fighting chance, so upon learning of her plans, he agreed to help her in regards to a ship.

Finding a missing Time Lord would be a long shot, but Rose had determination on her side, if nothing else.

-:-:-:-

It was now later in the morning on the same day of the past Doctor's dawn departure, but Rose was not yet scheduled to be at work. Making use of the time and knowing Rose's eagerness to begin, Jaise had come by before her shift. He helped her sort through information on various ships of the single-capacity long-range variety so she could begin becoming familiar with the options that were available.

The two sat together atop the burgundy lounge in the suite's central room as he pulled up an interactive screen which displayed a variety of crafts that would fall within her budget.

"Now this," said Jaise as he pointed to the 3-D image before them, "is an excellent choice for the value. It's a Mark IV Cingorian Cruiser that runs on Zytron energy. Economical and very adaptable. It's not as fast as the Mark III, but the navigation system is almost completely automatic and very easy to learn."

She nodded. "The navigation system's a plus. But if the other ship can get me around faster, then I'd be willing to put in the work of learning a more complicated instrument system," Rose commented, circling her hand around the suspended image, rotating it to get a 360° view.

"I have no doubt you can," he agreed. "The Mark IV is about twelve hundred credits less, though. You could afford it sooner."

"What about this one?" Rose asked, reaching out a finger to the image of a sleek cruiser.

"Ah, now with _that_ ship you could vie for top place at the Intergalactic Lightspeed Challenge. Just watch out for the Judoon through the Gamma System. It's supposed to be under free jurisdiction, but in reality it's a speed trap," he advised good-naturedly. They both grinned.

The two continued looking over ships for the remainder of Rose's free time. She had become absorbed in the process. So much so, that the sudden occurrence of the moment she had all but given up on caught her completely off-guard. Abruptly, they were jarred from conversation by the sound that Rose had just about lost hope of hearing again anytime soon.

The two went silent in the wake of the sharp wheezing and grinding noise that had filled Rose's dreams, and even many of her waking moments when her hopeful ears had turned even a rustling breeze into the sound she had longed to hear. This time the unmistakable reverberation was not a dream or a projection of a desperately-hopeful mind.

Rose's heart thudded almost painfully against her ribcage as the achingly-familiar blue box took shape just a few feet from where she sat. Seconds later, the TARDIS solidified, and the old wooden door creaked open in its well-known greeting.

Looking as if he had just seen her minutes rather than weeks before, the Doctor, _her Doctor,_ stepped out, hands in his pockets and long tan coat swaying behind him as he took a couple of steps forward and then stopped.

Rose could hardly breathe.

When he looked at her, his expression held an undercurrent of that same tension that had lingered there those few weeks back. Then his eyes shifted to Jaise with a look of question and slight suspicion. Nowhere, however, was there a sign of the explanation or desperate apology that was long due.

"Rose," he greeted briefly, the mere sound of his smooth voice causing emotions to crash over her, the same voice she had replayed in her head in a desperate attempt to retain the memory of its tone and cadence. The Doctor then focused back on the other man in the room who was currently sitting in close proximity to Rose. His tone took on that disarmingly pleasant, passive-aggressive note. "Jason…was it? And to what do we owe the pleasure? Making sure my parking job is executed correctly this time? Sorry if the TARDIS isn't parked in a 'designated' place here, either. That's sort of her M.O., though. Bit of a habit, that. Tough to break her of it now. That's the trouble with habits. Still…could be worse. I once knew a man on Danzia Prime who had a habit of getting friendly with other men's wives. It wasn't a habit he had for long, though. His lifespan was rather short…"

Ignoring the less-than subtle inference, Jaise stood to his feet and took a few rapid steps toward the Doctor, who didn't flinch but narrowed his eyes at the other man sharply.

Jaise's skin flushed deep bronze, his body stiff as his angry voice rang out. "Do you have no remorse whatsoever? You're not even going to _beg_ forgiveness? You should be down on your knees! A Rajaran flogging of old would be too good for the likes of you! Just what sort of a man are you?"

"Do I have remorse?" the Doctor replied coolly. "More than you could fathom over more than you could possibly comprehend. But to beg forgiveness over where I park the TARDIS? No. That would take up a rather large portion of my life if I were to start now. As for what sort of a man I am…that, I suppose, depends on who you ask from here to infinity, and whether they were enemies or allies."

Jaise's eyes flashed with anger. "I just hope you can live with the sort of a man Rose now has every right to consider you."

The Doctor's voice took a more agitated edge. "And just what is that suppose to–"

Rose, who had been watching the Doctor in a state of numbness, broke her silence. She first addressed not the Doctor, but the person who had stood in her defense. "Jaise, 'S okay."

He turned to her. "No, it isn't. But are you? I'll stay as long as you'd like."

"Excuse me…hello there. Hate to be a bother, interrupting this private little conversation and whatnot, but just what exactly do you mean by that?" the Doctor interjected testily. "I may not be an authority on this sort of thing, but I believe that when it comes to honeymoons, _three_ is not the typical ratio."

Rose gave a bark of laughter at that, a sound that came out bitter and harsh as she spun towards him. "A _honeymoon_? Is that what you think this still is? At this point, is that what you think it _ever_ was?"

She didn't know if she had ever been this angry at him. She might have come to understand his loss and pain with deeper empathy due to recent events, but that did _not_ mean he had the right to inflict pain on her, and she wasn't ready to sweep aside his actions now that he had come swanning back. She realized that he obviously did not recall her encounter with his previous self and the turmoil that it had initially caused, but he bloody well _knew_ what his current self had done; yet he was acting as if it was of no importance.

Her words turned his attention back. The Doctor was still for a few seconds. "Rose, I'm…sorry about…earlier. But…" He turned sharply to Jaise then. "None of this concerns you, and frankly I don't know why you're still here."

Rose stepped up to Jaise and, without hesitating, embraced him in a hug. "Thank you. For everything. I promise I'll be okay."

The Doctor was visibly taken aback by that, eyeing them both with growing tension but temporarily left silent.

"I have no doubt you will be," he replied as they separated. "It's _his_ future condition I question." Rose gave a wan smile. "You know where to find me, my friend, if you need anything at all."

Rose nodded, offering one more grateful smile. Jaise shot the Doctor a hard look in parting before heading for the door. Rose closed it behind him, settling heavily upon it for a few seconds as she tried to muster her composure. She unconsciously stroked her temple, the faint pulsing of their link throbbing that little bit stronger with the Doctor's proximity. It reminded her of what she had so acutely missed and the agonizing cyclone of emotions she'd experienced and the anger she felt now at his cavalier return and it all just…hurt.

Rose turned back to the Doctor as silence overtook the room. They stood facing each other, eyes locked.

"Well, that was certainly…friendly. And if it's not too much bother, I'd appreciate…oh, perhaps an explanation? Now would be good," the Doctor spoke up tersely.

Rose gaped at him in disbelief, then turned away, her hands balled into fists at her sides as she squeezed her eyes shut and fought the urge to give him a slap that would make her mum proud. Yet again. Attempting to pull in a calming breath, she spun back around. "_You'd_ appreciate an explanation?! 'S bloody rich comin' from you, isn't it?" she retorted hotly. "You ever think that maybe _I_ deserve one? Or is it beyond you to even consider me at all?"

The Doctor stepped forward but she immediately stepped back. His frown deepened. "Rose, I… What? Whatever it is I'm supposed to explain, I think you'll have to explain it to _me_ first."

"I imagined _so_ many times just what you might say when you came back," she barreled on. "My mind went over the scenarios, the excuses, the _APOLOGIES_. I never once figured on this one. After all this time, and there's no acknowledgement whatsoever of how you _LEFT_ me!"

The Doctor blanched, all color rapidly draining from his face as he made an agonizing connection in her angered words. He looked around the suite for the first time and noted, belatedly, the morning sun streaming through the windows. "It's…," he swallowed, "…morning."

"It's much later than that," she answered in a low voice.

"Rose," he hedged cautiously, fearing the answer, "how much later? How…how long has it been for you? Since you saw me last, that is. How long?" He began to sound panicked. "Tell me. Please."

"Which version are we talkin' about?" she replied sardonically.

His brows knit closer together at her puzzling question. "What?"

Rose shook her head. She was in no way prepared to get into _that_ just yet. First things first. She diverted back to his original question. "It's been two weeks, one day, and…oh, about ten hours since you left me. Give or take a few minutes." She slumped back against the wall, eyes flicking down. "It figures my time sense would sharpen being around you. Just never thought I'd get _this_ kind of practice," she stated wearily, some of the fight leaving her, numbness settling in to occupy its space.

The Doctor looked like he might be sick. "Oh, Rose…," he whispered hoarsely, his words barely audible. He _finally_ looked apologetic. In fact, Rose had seen a look of apology on his face many times before, but never quite to this degree. "Rose, I…I never…never meant for…never _realized_ that this..." He swallowed with considerable force, yet his voice still cracked as he spoke further. "I didn't know. I swear I didn't know. _Please_ believe me."

It hit her then, like a blow to her gut that left her lungs empty of air. This whole, heartrending experience that left her angry and hurt and confused and broken and, finally, just a little stronger if not rougher around the edges – it was all just a stupid error.

"The TARDIS," he nearly choked. "She had a rough start when I went to move her and more glitches just now before landing. But I thought…I thought she narrowly escaped an arrival mishap by not materializing in the middle of the…the kitchen table. That's all!" He gestured helplessly, almost wildly to the table in the nearby kitchen space. "I…I didn't know. And it wasn't intentional. I _swear_ it wasn't. I thought two minutes had passed…at the most!"

Rose was torn between laughing hysterically and weeping. She didn't seem capable of either reaction, though. All she could do was stand like a stone statue for the second time in her life as she tried to process what she was feeling. One thing was certain. She could now empathize on an entirely new level with what her mum once went through over the Doctor's twelve-month miscalculation.

The Doctor went on, his verbal pace quickening as he tugged on his hair and attempted rapid damage control. "But I can fix this! I'll just…just get back in the TARDIS and land back at the right point. You won't even need to have experienced any of this. It'll be fine. You'll see! Well, you _won't_ see. Because this will change it so it never happened. But that's good! Just…just hold tight. I'll see you later. Or early, rather. Two weeks prior, that is."

He spun on his heel and made for the TARDIS, but Rose's voice stopped him.

"No! You can't."

He turned back, eyes pained, a tenuous smile trying to form. "I can. This will work."

Rose shook her head. As much as it had hurt, it was possible that what had happened now needed to happen for the sake of their past. Plus she knew his plan was flawed regardless. He knew that too, but in his desperation was ignoring it. "You've already landed in this point in time. You're a part of established events now."

He visibly sagged. He clearly wasn't surprised, as his former self had been, that she had an awareness of such concepts and consequences. He was just saddened that she was right.

Rose went on, putting effort into keeping her voice steady. She knew going back wasn't the answer. They could only go forward. "And besides…what happened these past two weeks, it's…a part of who I am now. Even though it hurt."

"It doesn't have to. I can change that," he offered once more, voice strained.

A wry, feeble smile briefly flitted across her face. That seemed to be his answer to everything. "No, you can't."

He deflated in he couldn't erase it then they were going to have to deal with it. The Doctor took a tentative step forward, as if treading on glass. She didn't step back this time, but she didn't look him in the eyes, either. "You thought it was intentional," he stated rather than questioned, trying but failing to keep the hurt from his tone. "You thought that I would just…leave you, without a word, or…or anything at all."

Rose closed her eyes as she drew a long breath, then another. His two week absence might have been unintentional, but if he hadn't left in the midst of the circumstances that had come between them, she never would have doubted him. There was no changing any of that now, though. What was done was done.

Her eyes were on the floor. "It doesn't matter now."

His voice was firmer, edged with anger. "It doesn't matter? If you thought the worst and didn't trust me any more than that, then I think it certainly _does_ matter."

Her eyes snapped up. "Don't you _dare_ stand there and try to put blame on me for this!" she shot back.

"I'm not blaming y–"

"Because you have _no idea_ what these past few weeks have been like for me," she continued over him, anger bubbling back to the surface. "I've spent almost every moment wondering what might have happened, if you were okay, if you left intentionally, and if you were ever coming back!"

Not to mention she had to convince his former self not to undo their chance at a future together entirely, but she didn't have the energy to even begin to get into the specifics of _that_ whole complex situation at present. They were facing enough at the moment considering the unresolved issues that had stood between them before all this had happened.

Rose went silent, eyes boring into his and breath heavy as she tried to control her frazzled emotions before speaking again. When she did, her voice was pitched low. "And if you hadn't left the way you did – be it two minutes or two weeks ago – if you hadn't left me to wonder whether _all_ of this was a mistake for you that night we last spoke, then I never would've had those doubts at all."

The Doctor didn't have a rebuttal for that. She was right. If he had not caused her to be filled with doubt _before_ he left, then those feelings wouldn't have plagued her after.

"You're right. I'm sorry," he answered after a pause.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too. That doesn't fix everything here though, does it? We were starting to become a right mess _before_ these past two weeks."

The Doctor didn't reply. He simply studied the floor.

"Has it really only been two minutes for you?" she asked after a tense pause. Rose might struggle at times to understand him, but there were some elements of his nature she knew all-too well. "I know you meant to be back here in just a few minutes, but is that _really_ how long you were gone?"

The Doctor looked up. She wondered how such wide, expressive eyes could manage to be so hedged and guarded at the same time. "I…wasn't out gallivanting around the universe for two weeks, if that's what you're asking."

"I'm asking how long it's been for you. It's a simple question."

"Rose, honestly…"

"Yes, honestly. That's what I'm asking for. I want you to talk to me about all this, _honestly_."

He swallowed with effort. "I…I might have taken a little time to sort out my thoughts first."

Rose nodded and glanced away. She had figured as much. "And you had to get away from me in order to do that."

"No! Yes…I…don't know." He thrust his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I just…needed some time to think. But I was only stationary in the Vortex for…for 30 minutes. Maybe. An hour at the most."

"Time sense now left you?" she mumbled.

"I wasn't focused on how long it was, to be _honest_. But it wasn't more than an hour. Certainly not two weeks, and I swear I never would have just left you that long intentionally. I slipped into the Vortex to sort out a few thoughts, then came straight back. Or…or so I thought. The fact that this happened was just a stupid mistake. Nothing more."

Rose leveled her gaze and looked at him intently. "Is that what all of this has been?"

He exhaled slowly as he rubbed an eye with his finger. "Rose, I can imagine the kind of thoughts you must have had during this – the questions, the doubts. But I made a commitment to this, and I plan to stick to it."

That declaration should have been reassuring, but the way he spoke almost made it sound like a duty. "Is that was this is to you, then – an obligation? Is that how you see this? See us?"

"In a certain sense, yes." Rose started to turn from him. He stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "But not in a negative way! But I did make a commitment to you, and I'm trying to learn how to get things right. That's a skill I haven't acquired yet, I realize. I'm sorry that I've mucked things up – even before…_this_. I know that I have. I can't promise it won't be the last time, either. Nothing about this comes easy for me. But I promise to keep trying." She looked back into his eyes then. He spoke softer as his hand fell limply from her shoulder. "Please, Rose."

As she searched his eyes, emotions played within her own, her countenance bearing a complex fusion of hurt and hope.

The Doctor's focus was temporarily shifted from this moment with Rose, to suddenly becoming acutely aware of Time itself as it ebbed and flowed around them. He became attentive to the fact that the turbulent, fluctuating timelines he had sensed when first coming to this place had just unfurled and straightened and harmoniously coalesced as they slipped back into an even, stable flow.

The timelines were no longer in flux. Whatever happened from this point forward was firm and fixed, but Time's former tumult could still be felt, as a rumbling echo faded through the past. It was the type of echo left in the wake of a sizable temporal event. The Doctor momentarily questioned just what had happened in this place during his absence. And why did he get the feeling that the TARDIS had just done a hop, skip and a jump over a small but significant segment of time?


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N **And so begins the process of moving forward.

* * *

**Chapter 15**

_Why did he get the feeling that the TARDIS had just done a hop, skip and a jump over a small but significant segment of time?_

The Doctor quickly roused himself from that digressing path of thought. His Time Sense had been stimulated, but that wasn't the important issue currently at hand. He could explore that later. Whatever might have caused a disturbance in Time was secondary to the disturbance here and now between himself and Rose.

His eyes focused back on hers as she stood before him. He could see the glassy shine of tears forming. Oh, he _hated_ that. He never really knew how to respond when she cried – how to make it better. And to know he was currently the cause of those near-tears just made it a thousand times worse. He could tell she was fighting it back, though. She didn't want to cry in front of him, and perhaps that was even worse than if she'd broken down. Consciously intentional or not, her guard was up. Because of him.

"I'm sorry, Rose" he repeated the phrase that was pummeling his mind, voice remorseful. "If I could undo what happened then I would. If you hadn't objected then I would have already, and dealt with the consequences. That's always the trouble, though. I can never seem to change those things that I wish I could undo most. But…we can move forward."

"Can we?" she asked, voice weary.

"That's what I've been trying to do."

Her eyes reflected that she wanted to believe it, but they also spoke of the fact that this was hard to accept when he had previously done nothing but avoid her. They both knew this. He had avoided intimacy with her and then tried to lunge forward into that very thing to avoid talking to her about why. His crisscrossing signals had left her dizzy. And then he'd left her altogether. Maybe an absence spanning weeks had not been intentional, but retreating into the Vortex to escape her _had_ been.

Rose drew in a galvanizing breath as she prepared to respond. "And why does moving forward have to be so hard? If you would have just talked to me about whatever you're feeling in the first place then maybe all this would have been different. Simpler. I've come to realize that I can't make you open up to me, and maybe I shouldn't even try. But we have to find _some_ way to work through things. Together."

"I know we do," he conceded. "It's just…this. All this – everything that's happened between us isn't something I ever thought I'd do. Ever." He swallowed. "And then there's…the bond. I just…have to learn to adapt to it all."

She searched his eyes questioningly. "Do you want to block it? The bond, I mean."

He answered with vulnerable honesty. "No." _And that's part of what scares me,_ he silently added. He didn't feel he had the power to stop it when it had been formed, and he still felt powerless beneath it. To the Doctor, powerless equated to danger. When things were out of his power to grasp and control, that's when he lost them. "I'm just not…used to it, Rose."

Rose appeared to be trying to understand it from his side with what little perspective he'd given. "You don't want to block it but you don't want to face it. So you just…keep a distance from it all. From me."

"That's…that's not what I want to do. I don't. I'm not really sure what I'm trying to do. I'm still figuring all this out," he confessed.

"So am I. 'S not exactly something I'm used to, either. I mean…we're connected now. For life. It's…" She trailed off. _It's glorious and staggering and closer than I've been to anyone, and agonizing because you won't even talk to me about it, _her mind filled in, but it hurt too much to delve deeper in that regard just yet. "It's…something we both have to adjust to," she finished, not fully aware of how his doubt-plagued mind might misconstrue her strain for words.

A wave of unnamed emotion passed over his face. He started to reach a hand toward her, then paused and settled for the more certain territory of his pocket instead. He blew out a deep breath and, as if looking for a temporary distraction, glanced around the suite, this place where Rose had been stuck alone for weeks.

"Rose, let's just…move on from here. I'm sure you don't want to spend any more time in this place than you have already. We can go somewhere else. Anywhere. Your choice. We can try the whole…holiday thing again. We don't even have to stick to one planet for that. We can make it a whirlwind tour…a stop a day. Make up for the time you've been stuck, sitting."

"We can't just keep running," Rose countered.

"That's not what I'm trying to do," he responded, though his eyes were still conflicted.

"Yes, it is." They were both silent. "You don't even know what I've been doing these past few weeks," she continued, voice gaining strength. "Have you even thought about it? Because I wasn't just _sitting. _I wasn't here helplessly crying over you. I picked up the pieces and took care of myself."

"Of course you did," he agreed, two of the strongest emotions known to man, pain and pride, coloring his thick voice.

"And I have obligations. A job at the Registration Center. I can't just up and leave. That's not what _I_ do."

The Doctor's brows formed a deeply-furrowed frown. "So what, you're…staying _here_ now?"

"Through the rest of the day, at least," she asserted. Rose would love him till the end of her days regardless of whatever stood between them, but she wasn't going to just drop her responsibilities to run after him on his word and his whim. There were times and circumstances when she'd follow him anywhere, through the universe and back; and there were other times when he needed to take into account the decisions of someone other than himself and learn to compromise. Today, under the circumstances, was a good time to begin to realize that.

His eyes narrowed at her stated decision, voice edged with something primitive that he couldn't quite suppress. "Well, that would at least give you time to see Jason again."

Rose gave a short laugh. "Oh, don't even _think_ of going there. And his name is Jaise. You know his proper name as well as you knew Mickey's. And he's been a friend to me when I had no one else."

"Well, I'm glad for that," he answered tightly, clearly lacking sincerity on the subject of this other man. "It seems he was certainly eager to step up and…offer himself. In that capacity."

Rose continued on, purposely ignoring his unfounded jealously. "Plus, today is the end of the work week, and I should at least finish this day out. And I don't want to leave them shorthanded without even a day's notice. They could bring someone in to fill the gap in a day or so, but certainly not today, when I'm scheduled to be there soon."

The Doctor nodded, both hands now buried deep in the depths of his pockets. Rose was always nothing if not strong, and there would be no changing her mind on this, regardless of his obvious desire to just jump in the TARDIS and move on. "Right. Yes, alright. Stay as long as you'd like." He caught her expression. "_We_, that is. We can stay as long as you'd like."

There was suddenly so much that felt as if it needed to be said between them that the thought alone left the Doctor at a temporary loss and Rose feeling even more mentally spent than she was already.

For her part, Rose had spent weeks thinking of all the things she would say, all the things that needed to be hashed out between them when she saw him again. Not to mention the significant incident that had so recently occurred – one he clearly didn't remember, but she would never forget. And as she had just pointed out, things between them were going pear-shaped _before_ all this. This debacle, unintentional on his part as it might have been and possibly even providential for their past, had certainly not helped to untangle the current issues between them.

If they could start putting one foot in front of the other _together_, then maybe they could finally progress. She couldn't force it, though. He was back. That was a start. Now if she could catch her breath maybe then they could begin the process of moving forward.

She looked to see if he was going to say more. He, in turn, was looking for the same from her. They were at a bit of a stalemate. It seemed a bit mad to take a step back with so much left unsettled, but it seemed as if they both needed to process what had just happened.

"Well then, I…I should get to work," she concluded, her eyes sliding from his. "I'll be late as it is."

He nodded. "Right. Yes, of course. You should go. I'm sure your work is important. Registration, you said? Good for you," he offered, though his alien way of life had never really grasped the importance of a repetitious job.

Rose's feet wouldn't quite move her just yet. There was one more thing to say, at least for now. "I was watching for you, at work, through the monitoring station, every single day," she added quietly. "I never stopped looking."

"Rose…I'm sorry," he repeated feebly.

She nodded. "I know."

Their eyes met in silence for a few seconds. He took a step closer to her. "Rose…"

"Yes, Doctor?" she responded quietly, eyes tipped to his.

"I'll be here. I'll wait. I won't leave. I promise."

Rose opened her mouth but was stuck on a reply. He wasn't running just yet, that was something, at least.

"I'll…see you later, then," she said.

His lips began to say more but didn't seem to have the words. He watched her retreat from the suite, closing the door behind her. His mouth shut with a click.

The Doctor suddenly felt, for one of the few times in his exceedingly-long existence, utterly useless. He could talk his way through the universe and back. But when it came to saying the things that really mattered, he seemed to come up short every time. He knew what he needed to say, what he wanted to say, what he had _thought_ he'd finally been ready to say. Until this unexpected turn, that is.

His retreat to the TARDIS, wrong as his approach of closing himself off to her might have been, had at least given him the time to reach an important if not ironic conclusion:

He could no longer try to run from any of this.

It was pointless to even try. If he did, it would pursue him for the rest of Time and haunt his final breath. Distancing himself to try to gain control was useless. From the moment Rose had entered his life, he could only ever draw closer. It was inevitable.

And so, he had come back here thinking that he was ready to finally open up to her about the bond, his fears, and, specifically, his desire for even more. There was no other choice, really. He wanted all that their bond might be capable of and more of her mind filling his, and blast the universe, he had decided he was ready to tell her this, no matter what she might think of him for it.

The trouble was that now, after everything he'd unwittingly put her through, he didn't see how he could dare. How could he possibly say '_I want MORE from you, Rose' _when he was lucky she would still have anything to do with him at all? And it did _not_ escape his notice how she had struggled with her words when mentioning the bond just now. And _of course_ she had. She had been shackled to him with a permanent link without even being given a say in the matter.

He scrubbed both palms down his face. He was weary of going 'round with this in his own head.

The Doctor finally realized he needed to refocus – reprioritize. Any issues he had needed to be put aside for once. He had been thinking about himself in this right from the start – what he wanted, what he needed, what he feared. It was time to start thinking of Rose. If she would still have him, he needed to attempt to start putting things right sooner rather than later, assuming it wasn't already too late.

-:-:-:-

As Rose went about her work that morning of registering guests and keeping track of new arrivals, her actions were methodical and detached. Her mind kept centering on the Doctor, his return, what had been said, and what needed to be said still.

Jaise had left word for her to take the day off if she needed it, but other than extending the earlier offer of support and a sympathetic ear if it was needed, he was giving her space. It was clear the issues between the Doctor and Rose could only be worked out between the two in question. But it was reassuring to know she had someone in her corner if she needed it. A part of her was miffed at the Doctor's brief show of jealously toward the other man. For someone who'd had close but platonic friendships with a plethora of females over the centuries, he of all people should realize that a man and woman could simply be friends without such a relationship comprising a romantic angle. And he should _certainly_ know that she'd never even consider looking at another man in that way after pledging herself to him, no matter the current issues that might stand between them.

He'd always had that slight jealous streak, though; always doubted his standing when measuring himself. And it was possible a certain King Zerin, her near-miss husband, was still a sharp sticking point in his hearts that was inflamed yet again at the mere thought of her with another. Rose thought again of Zobulan and its King and all that had led them here. And _oh_, how they needed to move forward and start getting this right.

She was half-tempted to take the offer of time off so she could just get to the bottom of things with the Doctor once and for all, but Rose was determined to fulfill her commitment to this one last day. She had a responsibility to this position that she had been exceedingly grateful to receive, and she wasn't going to just drop everything in an instant due to the Doctor's return.

As she tried to work through her emotions during work, Rose realized she wasn't angry with him anymore. She was admittedly disappointed and even hurt that he had felt he needed to get away in the first place to work through whatever issues he was having. That was not the best approach for _any_ type of partnership. That was the Doctor for you, though. He was used to going it alone for so many centuries that changing his deep-seated methods would not happen easily, if ever. Yet he had still said he wanted to try to make things work. If he was willing, so was she. He was, however, going to have to be willing to finally stop shutting her out if this was ever going to have a chance.

Rose found herself intently wishing that the memories of his past encounter with her could somehow be unlocked and set free. She didn't want to just tell him about it. She wanted him to remember living it – _feeling_ it. He had always been afraid of letting himself have this. She understood that; now even a little more than before. But deep beneath, she had always known he harbored a fear that she eventually wouldn't want it – wouldn't want him and all that inevitably came with sharing and shouldering his life. If he could recall how she loved him even in his most damaged and disparaging state and allowed him to _feel_ it in those darkest moments, had demonstrated it by not entirely giving up on him despite apparent abandonment, then maybe accepting and trusting her commitment to him now would come just a bit easier – like a switch being flipped in that over-complicated brain of his, instantly reinforcing the fact that the two of them were _meant_ to be.

But this wasn't about finding the easy way. She truly hoped that at some point he _could_ somehow remember that encounter, but first she needed to know that they could make this work because of the here and now; not just because of the influence of an implausible, timely meeting when he had needed to latch onto hope the most. She wanted to think that even if he wasn't the Last of the Time Lords, even if his entire planet was still thriving somewhere out there and he was just a roving man, un-unique among a race of billions, that he would have still loved her. Not because of desperate, lonely need, but just…because.

-:-:-:-

Despite her near single-minded focus on the Time Lord in question, Rose had not been expecting him to then arrive at her workstation a few hours later. He always had a way of entering a room with enough confident authority to look like he belonged and enough innate charm to cover over it if he didn't. As his tall form approached, hands in pockets and long, sure strides, it was clear he only had one purpose in mind for being there.

Her.

He made his way across the space between them, all long limbs and nonchalance, his eyes riveted to hers the moment their gazes locked, even from a distance. She marveled at _both_ incarnations' ability to capture every ounce of her attention. When he was in the room, eyes on her alone, it was hard to remember anyone else even existed. He regarded her with an expression of simmering intensity tempered by silent caution – each of which grew stronger with each step closer. He was approaching with a calm and composed air, but the look in his intense eyes, despite his casual stride, was anything but neutral. The eyes searing hers held a maelstrom of barely-suppressed emotions – passionate and possessive and pleading.

He wanted her.

That was clear. Such an undeniable fact had been akin to a breakthrough not long ago. The question now was, could this be enough?

Rose steeled herself as he came near. He might cause her breath to catch as it escaped her lungs, but she was not going to let him pull the strings of her heart like a puppet. If the flaming desire to move on was already licking at his feet as he waited for her and he was now here to convince her to leave early, she was going to stand firm in her decision to finish out this one last day.

He reached her workstation and drew to a stop a few feet across from her, eyes searching hers. "Hello."

Rose tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and glanced down at her registration monitor as a brief distraction from his gaze. "Hi. I…didn't expect you here," she admitted. "I still have a few hours left."

"I don't mean to interrupt. I'm not here to interfere with anything," he assured her.

"Who are you and what have you done with the Doctor?" she responded wryly, hiding an upward twitch of her lips.

His own expression hovered on a half-smile for a second. "Are you suggesting I'm usually the type who interferes?"

"Might have seen your picture in the dictionary under the term, yeah."

"That's only because my picture represents nearly _every_ term. Done it all, me."

For just a small moment, the load between them lifted beneath the familiar banter. Her eyes then found his again and the weight settled back in place.

He cleared his throat. "But I just…wanted to stop by long enough to ask you something. I wanted to ask if you'd consider…going somewhere with me. Just…out, that is. Somewhere out, you and me. Us. Going together to get…food, or something. It doesn't have to be food, of course. But that seems to be the accepted custom. So I was wondering if you'd be interested. In accompanying me." He rubbed a hand down his chin and then gestured vaguely to the universe at large. "You know, just…out."

"Are you asking me on a…date?" she queried, one brow arching. For some reason the commonplace idea struck her as just a bit extraordinary coming from him.

"Well, that's…one way to put it, I suppose. It's not a ritual I've practiced, but I'm familiar enough with the concept to know it might be an appropriate step."

She was momentarily left staring at him in surprise. If he'd been aiming for suave he missed the mark, but the fact that the Doctor was making this effort covered for his lack of charisma. She realized then, albeit belatedly, that by virtue of circumstance they had gone about this whole entire thing backwards. They'd done the dancing without the dating. Jumped straight into the marriage without the engagement, for that matter. They hadn't even discussed such a thing or even come close to opening up about their feelings beforehand. It just…happened. Like a sudden windstorm. They now found themselves with this, and despite issues and fears and uncertainties, neither one wanted to now give it up and walk away.

So a starting point was in order. A date, as it happened, seemed like an appropriate step indeed.

"Yeah, that'd be a good next step," Rose agreed quietly.

"Then you will?" he asked, ancient eyes suddenly as wide and hopeful as a little boy.

She knew then how much he had doubted whether she would even accept. They certainly had their issues, but she wasn't ready to give up on the two of them. "'Course I will."

"Brilliant," he uttered with relief.

"So…food?"

"Hmm? Oh! Right, yes. Food. Um…dinner, that is. There's a place on this planet I had planned to take you to…before. Somewhere I thought you might like. I've even…er…made reservations." He hesitated while giving thought. "Although…I'm sure you've already seen all there is to see here. So it probably wouldn't be very unique…"

She glanced down. "No, I haven't really. When I wasn't here working I was looking for you. Didn't exactly take in all the sights along the way or hit the high spots."

"I'm sorry," he offered thickly, countenance shifting, dropping.

Rose nodded. "Let's just…try to move past it. Past other things, too."

He looked at her then with a little more bare openness than she was used to seeing in him. "I want to, Rose."

"Me too," she breathed back.

He smiled then, near dazzling. "In that case, I'll see you tonight."

-:-:-:-

Rose realized as she finished work that the Doctor had not mentioned a specific time for their dinner. She wondered if he even knew when she would be off. He wasn't exactly adept with the details when it came to this sort of thing. The Doctor wasn't there to meet her when her shift was through, so Rose returned on her own to the suite.

Upon arriving, all was quiet when she entered. The TARDIS was still located in the middle of the front lounge. The Doctor was inside it, she could tell. She was getting a little more accustomed to sensing him. She hadn't realized just how much until he was no longer there. Now that he was back, she recognized that faint but heightened awareness of his proximity.

Rose looked at the TARDIS with hesitation. She bit her lower lip. Should she just walk in, announce she was here? She knew the Doctor could feel her too, and no doubt more strongly considering his telepathic nature. He was likely staying in the background and giving her space to get ready, though. And she did need to prepare a bit. She wanted to change into something appropriate for dinner.

Rose decided that she would use the suite's wardrobe system rather than find something on the TARDIS. She didn't want to have a stilted conversation while maneuvering past him to get ready. There was no sense having an awkward encounter between them before this 'date' even started.

-:-:-:-

Meanwhile, the Doctor was, as Rose had suspected, aware that she had returned. The gentle hum of their bond intensified just a little whenever she was near. He still wasn't accustomed to it. His mind had been so barren since the moment the War ended and silence had torn through his being. Feeling an occupying presence in that hollow space was something that still made his hearts skip a beat and his mind want to instinctively grab hold of more.

The Doctor spent a few pacing moments in the TARDIS, wondering if she would be coming in to change, but realized it was more likely she would change in the suite. She would probably then be waiting for him to come escort her out. And that was customary, wasn't it? He was the one who had asked her to accompany him, so he should give her an adequate amount of time to do whatever it was women did and then be the one to arrive at her door, so to speak, and escort her from there.

Should he bring her some sort of token as well? Flowers, perhaps? Roses were out. Even _he_ knew that was ridiculously trite. Not that there were Earth-variety roses to be had on this planet. Maybe he should slip out and see what they had to offer. Perhaps a cluster of luminescent blooms similar to those that lit and lined the central boulevard at night? There had been a time when he would have been loath to even think along these lines, but such a gesture might be appropriately…romantic. But he didn't know how long she would be, and he was not risking another solo jaunt in the TARDIS. No, he would show up at her door with nothing to offer but himself, feeble as that offering may be.

As he waited, he regarded the monitor on the console and was tempted to continue the activity he'd been engaged in just before Rose had returned, which was to do a bit of checking into what might have caused the temporal disturbance he had sensed as having occurred in this place. But the investigative scans he'd run from the ship had, frustratingly, provided few answers. The Doctor finally decided to put it aside for the time being. Whatever had rippled through Time had leveled off now, and he currently had more important things to focus on.

The Doctor ruffled a hand up the back of his hair. What now? Had he overlooked anything in the way of preparations? It wasn't like he had the need or propensity to change clothes. Although, a passing thought told him that as far as Rose was concerned, he'd been wearing the exact same thing for weeks. Maybe he should at least change his tie. With that practical thought in mind, he headed for his room.

He stopped in his tracks as he thought of his wardrobe closet and the female clothing that now shared the space with his. _Their_ room, he inwardly amended. At least it _had_ been, ever so briefly. It was a bit terrifying, really, how badly he wanted that to be true again.

-:-:-:-

Once Rose had slipped into the suite's bedroom, she made her way over to the interactive wardrobe device. She was met with a display screen which presented an endless array of clothing selections to choose from. Fortunately this had been available during her time stranded here, considering all of her belongings had been on the TARDIS.

Rose didn't want to over-glamorize when it came to making a selection, but she wanted to look appropriate for a nice dinner. Plus, it wasn't just a matter of wanting to dress appropriately; she wanted to look attractive. She wanted to look attractive for _him_. She wanted him to notice. Despite how things stood between them, the fact remained she was mad for this impossible man. One look at him – one _thought_ of him was enough to confirm it. Was it wrong to want him to feel the same when he looked at her?

Rose scrolled through the semi-formal options. Black was an appropriate choice, but maybe a little too standard. There was a dazzling number in shimmering silver, but it instantly reminded her of the gown she had worn on the day they had unexpectedly wed. It wasn't a painful or regretful memory to her, by any means. But right now maybe the stark comparison was just a little too complicated.

She finally settled on an elegant but not overly extravagant wine-colored dress that gave a complimentary contrast to her fair tone. The soft material flowed over her skin like rich silk and highlighted her curves. The slender spaghetti straps supported a deep V-neckline. The dress hugged her torso, and the mid-length skirt flared out just enough at the hem to swish pleasantly around her knees as she twirled to get a 360° look.

She pinned her hair up in a stylish loose twist and stepped into a pair of matching, subtly sexy heels, with spikes that were tall enough to elongate her legs but practical enough to actually allow her to walk.

Her heart's tempo sped a fraction at the sound of footsteps coming toward the room. The Doctor rapped lightly on the door just as she was applying the finishing touch to her makeup. She hadn't overplayed the look, but her wine-colored lipstick and smoky eyes were appropriate for evening. Upon hearing his knock, Rose was relieved that he had been the one to come to her. He hadn't backed out. That was the first good sign of the night.

"Just a mo," she called out in the direction of the door, trying to keep the nervous edge out of her voice. Rose slipped on her signature hoop earrings and went to the door, shimmying just a bit to make sure the dress clung and draped in all the right places. She let out a breath and opened the door to greet the Doctor on the other side.

She first met his eyes, as was always inevitable, then gave a brief sweep of his appearance in general. There was just something about the pinstriped suit that lent itself to any occasion, she had to admit. And while he had not put quite the thought into changing that she had, it was subtly noticeable that he had made an effort. He'd changed from the powder blue Oxford he'd been wearing earlier to the shade of blue that was dark and dusky. And his tie had gone from the paisley to the swirly – the one that was far sexier than any tie had a right to be. Though she knew it had little to do with the tie itself and everything to do with the man wearing it. The man who had also styled his normally-sexy hair into a new level of perfected chaos.

If attraction alone could hold their relationship together they didn't have a single worry. And if the way he was currently regarding her was any indication, that thought was mutual. It was going to take far more, though; and tonight was at least a start.

The Doctor swallowed, her eyes drifting down to watch the ripple of his Adam's apple beneath the flesh of his throat. "I…take it you're ready?"

Rose unconsciously smoothed her hands down her dress, and then caught the way his eyes flicked down to follow the movement. "Yeah. You?"

He nodded the affirmative, eyes openly roving down her again. "You look gorgeous, by the way."

Rose went to move forward but stopped short. _By the way…?_ He had never quite given her such an open compliment on her physical appearance. At least…not outside of the bedroom, she silently amended. In their limited intimate encounters, she had found he had a tendency to drop some of his restraint during those rare times. But such a compliment coming in a moment of measured control caught her unexpectedly.

Rose hoped the heat she felt in her cheeks wasn't visible as her eyes flicked up to his. "Thanks. You, um…do too."

He probably would have preened just a little at that, smug Time Lord that he was. He was gorgeous and he knew it. The heaviness between them both kept the mood this side of subdued, though.

"Shall we?" he then said, and rather than offer his arm he offered his outstretched hand, fingers wiggling just slightly in invitation as only he could. It was the most appropriate gesture he could have made.

Rose slipped her hand into his, her heart quickening and chest tightening at the way they fit so perfectly, and how desperately she had missed this simple yet profound feeling of completion. He gave her hand a squeeze, and that's when she knew.

They were going to be okay. They would make this work.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N **The Doctor and Rose begin their "date," and a few revelations will soon follow.

* * *

**Chapter 16**

The Doctor and Rose exited the suite together, still hand-in-hand. Once palms and fingers had met and twined, both seemed disinclined to break the simple but significant contact. A current of tension still pulsated between them, but this reassuringly-familiar physical linkage grounded them to the fact that beneath it all, they were still the Doctor and Rose, best friends, cohorts in the face of danger and, perhaps, building toward solidifying their newest substantial title: husband and wife.

They stepped outside into the balmy evening air just as the suns were sinking lazy and low. A temperate breeze meandered across those in its unhurried path, dispersing the fragrance of the native colorful blooms that were scattered throughout the lush city scape. Both inhaled deeply, as if pulling serenity itself into their lungs from the encompassing atmosphere. It was a welcome infusion of calm. Otherwise, their mutual lingering tension might have been this side of stifling. A lot hinged on this night. If they couldn't get it right this time, could they ever?

Walking a short distance, they reached the edge of the boulevard which ran along the anterior portion of the guest village. A transport shuttle was there waiting to pick them up. This was a complimentary feature that accompanied their dinner reservations which the Doctor had arranged.

That alone was new. Rose wondered if he'd ever made actual reservations for anything before. He usually just showed up and slipped in anywhere and everywhere by way of the psychic paper. He was making an effort here, and that didn't go unnoticed by her.

The two boarded the small auto-piloted hovercraft and began the short route along the pre-set coordinates. The spherical transparent pod with seating for two afforded an unobstructed view of the passing scenery. The Doctor filled the journey's conversation with anecdotal facts and tidbits about the history of leisure planets in general, comparing and contrasting various elements. The topic was superficial but safe, and it helped ease the lingering anxiety. By the time they arrived at their destination, things were beginning to lean just a touch toward normalcy again. As the Doctor rambled about minute details the average person would have no comprehension of, it was a throwback to the way things had been before Complications, and it was almost easy to momentarily forget other issues.

They soon arrived at a waterfront location just off Paradise's Northern Bay. It appeared to be an outdoor dining establishment, and Rose was delighted at the prospect. It was a lovely night, and this setting was perfect. They needed a bit of open air.

As they stepped out of the shuttle and began toward a lighted teak-like path that led toward the dining area near the water, they were met by one of the restaurant's hosts.

"Welcome," a Rajaran man greeted cordially. "Your shuttle has been scanned, reservations confirmed, and your table awaits. Now, if you would allow me to take your shoes, you can then retrieve them upon departing."

At this strange statement, Rose eyed the orange-toned man quizzically. When the Doctor bent down and unlaced his trainers, straightening to hand his discarded Chucks to the man as if it were perfectly natural and expected, her confusion grew.

"Go on, then," the Doctor encouraged with a downward nod to her feet.

Still skeptical but too curious not to go along, Rose slid off her heels and handed them to the attendant.

Mutually barefoot, the Doctor and Rose then followed along a flickering torch-lit path that wound a luminous trail down the beach. Once the dining area came fully into view, Rose uttered a soft gasp at the sight that greeted her.

The surface of the night water glowed, illuminated by dozens of dining tables that seemed to be floating effortlessly on the surface. Each one was a slightly different and unique shape, but each designed in a circular form, with fluid, curving lines, blending with the watery environment like gentle waves. The glass tables themselves were lit from within, radiating a soft golden light, and scattered candles on the surfaces flickered enchantingly, casting a dancing glimmer on the placid, fiery water. It was one of the most captivating, romantic sights she could have imagined.

"You like it, then?" the Doctor asked softly, noting her awestruck expression.

"Oh, it's…just beautiful," she breathed out.

They were pointed in the direction of their table about twenty feet out on the water. Rose looked to the Doctor questioningly, wondering how, exactly, they were supposed to reach it.

"C'mon," he gently urged in a bright, chipper tone, tugging her by the hand to the water's edge.

"But…," she began to protest. The Doctor then released her hand and stepped ahead of her out into the water. Or rather, _onto_ the water. "Okay, that's just…impossible," she said, incredulous.

"Not impossible," he corrected, eyes dancing. Oh, she'd _missed_ that look. He walked further out across the surface of the water. "Quite possible, actually. Mind you, I'm not the first to walk on water. And let's just say the first was a much better man than I…"

Rose came closer, tentatively dipping a toe into the water's edge. "But…how?"

"In this case, sub-aquatic force field just below the surface," he explained. "A clever bit of engineering that makes for a unique dining atmosphere." He grinned at her and extended his hand. "C'mere."

Smiling back, Rose stepped onto the water, only sinking an inch in depth as she walked out towards him. She took his hand and together they strode past the restaurant's fellow patrons, warm water lapping gently at their feet until they reached their table and were seated. Theirs was an asymmetrical oval shape, but curved inward in the middle, the tapered center allowing them to face each other but still be seated very close.

An interactive holographic screen was then activated to hover between them, presenting an endless variety of menu items available for the choosing, including a vast array of Earth delicacies. Rose hadn't really paid attention to the food choices available on this planet before then. She could have now taken the opportunity to venture out and choose something exotic, but found she was unable to resist the temptation of finding out what an alien-made version of fish and chips would actually taste like, so she ordered her native favorite. The Doctor did the same, saying that whatever she chose was good enough for him. She wondered if he was going out of his way to be overly harmonious, but then told herself to loosen her opinion and not read layered meaning behind every word and gesture.

The chips, once served, were a little peculiar in color, with a slight purplish hue. But for an alien variety potato, Rose was pleasantly surprised to find they tasted much like the fried spuds she so enjoyed. She giggled a little when the Doctor ordered a bottle of fine Rajaran wine to accompany their informal meal choice. It wasn't exactly a conventional combination. But then, neither were they, so it was oddly appropriate.

Dinner was proceeding well, their conversation surprisingly easy and relaxed. That was because they'd both stuck to innocuous topics such as past adventures and avoided delving deeper. That was the point of all this, though; and despite the Doctor's step in the right direction with suggesting this night together, he no doubt still had a ways to go. Which meant Rose knew she would probably have to be the one to take the first plunge.

The final course of dessert had just been served, and Rose decided it was now or never if the conversation was going to finally get to the deeper issues of _them_. She began by giving a little more detail of her time apart from him and the job she had worked. She then dropped another recent detail rather abruptly, because there was no simple way to ease into it.

"I'd…planned to get a ship, eventually," she announced somewhat suddenly, abandoning her dessert in favor of getting this out of the way. "I was going to work towards it. It would have taken time, but I knew I'd need a way to leave here at some point if you…well…"

Quickly focusing all attention on her, the Doctor looked up from the bite of bananas foster he'd been about to swallow. His eyes were wide and the picture of remorse. Before the apology could form on his lips, she continued ahead. "I wasn't giving up on you. But I wasn't just gonna sit here and hope for something to change. I realized that if I was the one stranded then I was the one who needed to do something about it."

He pushed aside his dish, any remaining appetite vanishing. "Rose, I never, _never_ wanted you to feel stranded anywhere or anywhen." His voice lowered. "And certainly not by me."

"I know," she answered honestly. She already knew this from the silent guilt shown by the _other_ him, and his parting offer to at least take her from here and return her home. "And I'm not bringing this up to blame you for it or try to make you feel more guilt. I just want you to know more about my time here. More about _me_." He nodded quietly. She took a sip of her smooth, dark wine before continuing. "I was gonna get a single-passenger ship that could take me at least far enough to reach Earth. I was lookin' at maybe a Mark IV Cingorian cruiser."

The tech geek in him momentarily perked up just a little. "A good choice. Sleek, and fuel efficient, too."

"More so than the Z-Class, or so I've heard. Then there's the Mark III. A little trickier navigation system, but I thought maybe I could have learned to operate it still."

"'Course you could have," he affirmed without hesitation. "Although the Kretoran line is an excellent choice, too."

She nodded. "Yeah, I started to look into those, too. Jaise said the zynometer can sometimes stick, though. Especially on long-duration flights."

The Doctor's comfortable expression shifted just slightly at the mention of the other man who had grown close to Rose, but he quickly covered that lingering bit of jealously. "Well, that's rubbish then, isn't it? Especially if you're traveling more than a few light years. It would slow the speed, too," he commented.

"Well, that might be a good thing through the Gamma System," she interjected.

"Speed trap," he agreed.

She gave him a small grin.

It wasn't a typical conversation for the two of them, but Rose found she had a new sense of enjoyment talking to him about this sort of thing on this level, with her having an understanding of a topic that at one time would have been lost on her. She sometimes felt as if the Doctor was so far above her – and anyone else in the universe, really – when it came to certain things. Sometimes it felt as if it was out of her reach to even think of matching him. This experience, though not something she had wished for, made her begin to see that maybe she had more potential than she had sometimes given herself credit for.

She pulled her thoughts back to the conversation and her reason for bringing it up. "But like I said, I was looking for a ship that could take me back home."

The Doctor was silent again, simply nodding in acceptance. She would have moved on with her life just fine without him, he concluded. And he was glad for that. He would want nothing less for her. The Fantastic Life, and all that. It made him proud. It also made him ache just a little.

"But if I _had_ made it back to Earth, back to Mum, I didn't plan to stay long," she continued. "I was gonna look for you. Anywhere. Everywhere. I don't know where would have even started, but I'd have gone wherever I had to in order to find you again."

He gaped back at her. "Rose, you…you honestly planned to do that?"

Rose was surprised that _he_ was surprised. "What? You think I'd just go on with my life and forget about you?"

His eyes slid down to the table. It didn't require telepathy to know that the loss of companions past and that of an entire civilization was replaying in his mind. It was something he would never escape, no matter the current topic. "Not forget, but…move on. Sometimes it's all we can do."

"Sometimes," she agreed softly. "But some things deserve a fighting chance before we let them go." He raised his eyes to her. Somehow, she kept hers from tearing over as she held his and spoke quietly but intensely, the bottled-up hurt she'd been carrying finally dissipating that little bit more as she offered affirming words to the man she loved. "You're worth that, you know?"

He gave a weak, humorless laugh and glanced away. "Am I?"

Rose stared back at him. She knew he was dead-serious. They weren't really going to get anywhere with _that_ topic, though. If she was going to try to address his self-deprecating nature they'd never make it around to anything else that needed addressing. Plus, this was one area she doubted would ever fully change.

"Yes," she answered with simple conviction.

He started to say something more, to protest. But they both knew it was a no-win conversation and that neither would give an inch. He closed his mouth and let her continue.

"But I've been learning that maybe…I'm worth more than I thought, too," she went on. "I always thought that I was nothing special. Raised on a Council estate, no A-levels…"

"That's never defined who you are inside," he interjected.

"I know," she admitted. "And you're the one who first helped me to see that. But…I also began to see myself as capable of more not just because of you but because I was _with_ you. Then when you were suddenly gone, there was a moment when I wasn't even sure who I was without you. But then I started to realize that, in the same way my background isn't what makes me who I am, the fact that I'm with you or that I love you doesn't sum-up my entire identity, either. But…I think that it could have if I'd let it. I'm more than just your assistant or companion or…or lover or even your wife."

His eyes were focused intensely on hers, weighing her words as each sank in.

"Perfect or imperfect, I'm my own person. And it's not that you've ever tried to make me feel like I'm nothin' without you. Of course not. You're the one who first helped me realize I could do so much more with my life. It took you to first show me that." She drew a long breath. "But Doctor, you're so…_extraordinary_. More than you sometimes even realize, I think. You're a powerful being who can overpower people and planets and entire governments with a few words. It's so easy to just…lose myself in you," she breathed. "And I think that maybe it took this time alone to begin to realize who I am apart from you. I can take care of myself, even on a strange world that isn't my own, and find my way back, if I had to."

"Of course you can, Rose," he answered thickly. "You can do anything. You're brilliant. Always have been. You never needed me–"

"Maybe I don't need you to take care of me," she inserted. "But I still need you. Just like you need me. I need you to look out for me, just like I look out for you, whenever we face danger. On a frequent basis," she added with a brief, tiny smile. "And I need your love, because I'll never want it from another. And I need your hand, because…how else could I get across the universe?"

He returned her tremulous smile with his own.

"I love you," she finished simply. "I always have, and through this – not just these past few weeks but everything else leading up to here – I know all the more that I always will. Even if things might sometimes be hard, nothing will change how I feel. You know that, too. Even if you're sometimes afraid to believe it, you _know_ it's true. And you've known that for a very long time," she ended quietly. "Longer than you even realize."

Rose felt her heart race in that instant. Not because of the revelation she was about to make, but because of the way his eyes beheld hers.

He loved her. Desperately.

He had said so once. Weeks ago for her but still just days ago for him. Just once, but it was enough. This recent incident had briefly tested what they had, but maybe they had needed it, because now they had withstood this rough patch and were learning to progress. That _meant_ something. They were still here, together, determined to move forward because it was worth it; because _they_ were worth it.

Rose was ready to tell him of their past encounter, not because he needed that knowledge in order to love her more, but because she wanted to tell this man, this complicated last of his kind, how much she loved _him_, putting aside any of his own lingering doubts that had been standing between them.

He had been uncharacteristically silent in the face of such open, spoken emotion, but was going to at least attempt to say something appropriate in reply, though far out of his element in such a conversation. "Rose, I…I wish I were better with words when it came to this sort of thing. You deserve that. But I…"

Rose drew a breath for them both and continued on.

"'S okay. You don't have to say anything just yet. Because I…still have something else to tell you. Doctor, there's something more that happened while you were away from here. Something you should know. I tried to explain it to Jaise but I don't think he really got it, so hopefully I can do better this go 'round," she said, chewing her lip nervously as her eyes bounced between his.

His countenance shifted, darkened for a split second, and then clouded to something akin to resigned pain. "Rose, if this is about you and…Jaise. If something happened that you now regret, then I…I understand. I do. I should. You thought I had left you. And you were hurting…and…"

Her answering voice was stunned. "_What_? I mean…you think that I would just–"

"Not you!" he hastened to add, then in a lower voice, "Him. And if he made some sort of…advances, and you feel guilty about perhaps not reacting against it as quickly as you think you should have…"

"Doctor…"

"…then you're not the one to blame…"

"_Doctor_…"

"…and there are some species who don't even understand the concept of monogamous relationships at all, and most of them male. Primitive, ignorant creatures that they are…"

"_Doctor_!"

He closed his mouth and finally focused back on her, jaw clenched tight.

"Just…listen, alright?" She exhaled. "First, do you honestly think that if something like that _did_ happen, I would have still been friends with him?"

He considered the question for a rational second. "Sorry. I just…"

"Got ahead of yourself?"

"I…suppose so, perhaps."

"Yeah," she agreed. Rose let out an exasperated breath, wondering how this conversation had spiraled. "It's so bloody frustrating when you get all…jealous." She repressed a half-smirk, though.

"I _wasn't_," he feebly attempted to object. "I was, in fact, taking the metaphorical high road due to my vast knowledge of cultural diversity."

Rose ignored his blustering defense, eying him with a somewhat sultry expression as her chin rested in her palm. "But it's sort of a turn-on, too…"

He halted his argument and cleared his throat. The Doctor reached for his wine and took a long sip, eyes on hers. He lowered the glass and murmured, "Humans and their eccentricity."

"Time Lords and their jealously," she rejoined.

They were both silent, on the verge of smirking had they not both been equally stubborn. They stared at each other in that intense way that was far sexier than either would admit.

Rose cleared the momentary lusty fog and finally took back up. "_Anyway_, I was tryin' to tell you something important."

"And I was trying to be understanding," he replied pleasantly, attempting to cover his refuted jealously.

Rose rolled her eyes, albeit fondly. She decided he deserved this segue. "What I have to tell you didn't involve Jaise. But it _did_ involve another man. Sort of."

He took another sip of his wine, clearly attempting to remain neutral.

She plunged ahead with the next bit, ready to finally have it all out in the open. "It also involved a temporal paradox that could have erased our current timelines entirely."

The Doctor's posture immediately became rigid, eyes focused and sharp as the Time Lord in him took over. "I _knew_ something had happened here," he replied gravely. "I could feel the aftereffects earlier but the TARDIS wasn't giving me any answers. I told myself it could wait. But Rose, I need to know. What happened?"

She looked him squarely in the eyes. "You."

He'd taken one last quick swig of his wine, but it was infinitely bad timing. He nearly choked. "_What_?"

Any trace of earlier lightness and banter evaporated as the weight of her recent encounter settled back in. Eyes still trained on him intently, she reached across for his hand, hoping he could somehow regain this memory – that this might trigger it. "Doctor, do you remember ever being here before?"

He frowned deeply. "No. This is the first time."

"But this place seemed familiar to you when we first came, didn't it?"

It was clear the Doctor, ever the realist with an answer for everything under the stars, was searching for a way to logically explain that. "Well, it _does_ bear some similarities to Tranquilista and the Second moon of Elixie. As well as–"

"It's not just noticing similarities, though," she persisted. "It felt familiar to you because you _have_ been here before."

The Doctor's frown intensified. "Rose, I think I would have remembered that."

"_Oh_, not necessarily," came her weighted reply. She took two deep breaths and started from the beginning. "While you were gone, I did everything I could to try to find you, but it just wasn't enough from here. But then I met this woman who said she was an empath…said she could sense my…" Rose lowered her eyes. "My pain. You were gone, and it hurt." He squeezed her hand in silent apology and she lifted her eyes back to his. "She told me to try to reach for you…through the bond."

He swallowed, the action visible. Rose didn't miss the reaction at the mention of their link. _That_ topic would come later. "She gave me something – a pendant of some sort – and said it would help me project my feelings toward you." Rose released a short, ironic laugh. "And I got your attention alright. It just wasn't _this_ you. It was you from before we met. For you, I think it was…not long after the War."

There was no other word for it. He positively gaped at her, eyes wide. His bewildered eyes then narrowed as he focused inward, his mind rapidly flipping through past memories – even excruciating ones – trying to locate it, but to no avail.

"But that's impossible," he finally breathed out as his ever-present logic took hold. "The TARDIS prevents that sort of thing. She won't cross into her own path – past, present or future. That would cause a dangerous paradox." Then it hit him, that missing piece to the puzzle of why the TARDIS had acted up to begin with finally clicking into place. "But then…the current TARDIS wasn't here…," he murmured in a distant voice. "So technically, I suppose…something similar to what you're trying to describe perhaps, theoretically, _could_ have happened…"

"It _did_," Rose reconfirmed. His eyes flew back up to hers, seeming on a knife's edge as he awaited hearing the rest. She suddenly felt uneasy about this complex conversation. It involved an exceedingly-dark point of time in the Doctor's past, a time that was perilously close to when he had been at his most anguished. Maybe a part of him didn't _want_ to remember. What if the mere mention of that frame of time made him turn inward again and withdraw from her? Perhaps the fear was a little irrational, but considering their history it also had some merit. She couldn't bear that again at this point.

Either way, there was nothing for it now. His eyes were on hers like two laser beams, and regardless of the outcome, this topic was front and center.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N **A few important revelations at last. There might eventually be hope for a proper honeymoon yet... ;)

* * *

**Chapter 17**

_His eyes were on hers like two laser beams, and regardless of the outcome, this topic was front and center._

Rose had just revealed that she and the Doctor's past self had experienced a paradoxical collision, so there was certainly no avoiding the details now. She shifted her eyes downward for a second, briefly escaping the intensity of his expectant gaze as he awaited those volatile specifics. His own eyes momentarily dipped to follow her fingers as they drew nervous, unconscious spirals on the luminous glass tabletop.

"Tell me what happened, Rose," he probed anxiously, voice pleading and just short of commanding.

She cleared the catch from her throat. Rose folded her hands down to her lap as she dared to find his eyes again and began to recount the implausible event. "You were here, in the past." She tried to laugh but it came out as a lost breath. "You just…came strollin' in, all dark and demanding and wanting answers about who I was and why you could…_feel_ me."

"I…felt you…before?" he questioned haltingly, trying to fit this mind-boggling temporal puzzle together.

The last thing Rose wanted was to dredge up harsh pain for him that was ever-present on the best of days as it was. There was no avoiding it in this conversation, though. "He…_you_ were able to sense the bond at that time because you were trying to find anyone who…might have survived from your planet. We were _both_ reaching out and it just…happened."

The Doctor's expression shifted from one of astonishment to one of bitter anguish. It was clear he remembered that time in his life all-too well. But now apparently not as well as he had _thought_.

"Go on," he prompted, voice rough, raw.

Rose blew a rush of air past her lips. "I finally had to tell you about me…about us, because it went too far too fast. It was too late to keep the encounter from changing things pretty much right from the start, and you weren't about to just leave without getting answers. So I gave them to you. I told you everything. The important things, at least. The things that explained why you'd been able to feel me." Rose dipped her eyes. "But it wasn't what you wanted to hear. It was the last thing you wanted, actually. And you let me know it. And then you were gonna just leave, remembering all of it and making sure that it didn't happen in your future." Her voice dropped in tone. "You thought it would be 'better' that way. For both of us. You made that very clear."

The Doctor didn't try to refute it. He knew that's what he would have done. She now knew it too, and it still stung.

"I hurt you," he stated, sounding resigned and, at the same time, angry at his own self.

Rose shrugged, gaze downward. There was no point in denying it. "Yeah."

The Doctor sat back in his seat and studied her, taking in this whole 'romantic' setting where she'd willingly agreed to accompany him. "And you're just…okay with that now?"

She glanced up, shook her head and attempted a laugh. "'S not like it didn't matter. But it's hard to blame _this_ you for it now, too. It's…not that simple."

"Nothing is."

"But you were hurting, too. More than…I'd ever seen from you."

"That doesn't justify it," he answered acidly.

She stared back at him. "What, are you…angry at me for forgiving you?"

He deflated. The only anger he'd felt was toward himself. He'd always been his worst opponent, and now he'd just learned of another valid reason for self-condemnation. "It's just that…maybe you've done that far too much when it comes to me."

"Maybe I've had to because you won't do it at all," she countered.

They remained silent, eyes locked for several moments. Again, they both knew this was a topic where neither would give an inch. He finally returned to the original subject which still had his mind whirling. "Well...so we're _here_, partaking of a courtship ritual I never would have thought I'd engage in this side of infinity and having a conversation that's perhaps the most unlikely and wholly impossible two people could ever have, so you quite apparently…somehow…persuaded my past self to let all this happen."

"Pretty much sums it up, yeah," she answered wryly. They were both so calm on the outside but so pressurized on the inside as the conversation progressed. She tried to keep her voice even but felt the betraying blush taint her cheeks as she added one more significant remark. She hadn't planned to discuss _this_ particular facet of the encounter first, but she couldn't help tossing it out there to fall where it may, taking in his response. "And as for persuading, the _fantastic_ snog might have helped there, too…"

His eyes suddenly darkened, to the point that she wasn't sure if he was angry or aroused – maybe both. "You…uh, so you…" He gestured to her, gestured to him, then gave up, having no more success with that than he was with words.

This was the most unconventional act of teasing flirtation she'd ever engaged in, but she couldn't help letting this play out. "Kissed a past version of you so hard and full-on that I saw stars? Yeah, I did." She reached for her wine and drew a long sip, eyes still trained on his as she lowered it back down. "So did _you_. Kissed back, I mean. Fully. Was…amazing," she murmured distantly.

The black overtaking his pupils certainly didn't subside with his next inquiry, and she _really_ wished she knew whether it was arousal or anger. But then, the effect of either would have no doubt been the same on her under the provocative circumstances.

His voice was dark, low, intent on knowing just one thing. "How far did it go?"

A frisson of passion zinged through her at the somewhat unexpected, suggestive question. Maybe it was wrong to drag this out, but she had him in a very unique position. He'd almost seemed to be developing an aversion to intimacy with her before, so having him acutely focused on this aspect was something she was savoring.

She rimmed the top edge of her goblet with her index finger, drawing slow circles. "How far do you think it would have gone?"

"How much time did we have?" he answered, revealing his explicit thought process.

Her deep amber eyes locked with his. "Not enough, if you look at it like that…"

He eased back in his chair just slightly, his expression indecipherable due to the variety of strong emotions contained within that look. "Are you sorry for that?"

"Are you?" she challenged boldly.

He tugged a little at the knot in his tie, giving himself more room to breathe. "Depends," he answered, voice impressively even.

"On what?" she queried back, feigning the same composure.

His voice intensified along with his gaze. "On whether or not I could remember."

Her throat went slightly dry. Rose pulled in a breath. "We…could always make new memories," she offered, surprised at how vulnerable she suddenly both sounded and felt.

His intense eyes softened considerably. He looked at her with a touch of wonder. "Maybe we could." His hand snaked out toward hers, then covered it and rested there. "Rose," he breathed, "tell me the rest?"

Rose steeled herself for the next wave of emotions this would bring to the surface, and went on to explain all that had happened during their paradoxical encounter.

-:-:-:-

To say the Doctor was stunned by what he had just learned would have been a gross understatement. He had crossed into his future's path a few times in his life, but never quite in _this_ way. He tried again to locate the memory in question but couldn't. He had apparently sealed it away quite effectively, protectively ensuring that it would not hinder his future with Rose. The after-knowledge of this event now left him with quite a few significant questions.

If he hadn't had that trace intuition left from the shielded memory, would he have ever allowed himself to become this close to Rose? Maybe this had even influenced his coming back for her twice when initially asking her to join his life amongst the stars. She had, apparently, already urged him to do so – planted the knowledge that she would accept, that taking her initial answer of 'no' wasn't even an option. He had also theorized just recently that it was his _past_ self who had made the initial connection with Rose, touching her mind with his ever so briefly when they had held the Time Vortex between them, which had created the compatibility for a future bond. Was it because he instinctively _knew_ this could all result – that Rose would, astonishingly, accept this with him?

Many questions could certainly be conjured up by this. But then, maybe everything came down to the fact that Rose was simply _Rose_. Whenever or however they met, whatever had, was, and would take place between them still, he didn't think he could ever really explain away why he felt what he felt or did what he did when it came to her. That was the beauty and confoundedness of the whole thing. He was also pretty certain every man in the universe who had ever felt the same about a woman shared that synopsis. It wasn't entirely explainable. It just simply…_was_.

What he knew he could _never_ explain, however, was why Rose felt the way she did toward _him_. Especially now, after learning this newest revelation. He thought back to what he had been like just after the War. He hadn't even wanted to exist, loathed the fact that he did, saw his survival as his sentence. To think that Rose could encounter him like that – a man whom she said nearly erased their very future and admittedly hurt her with his cruelty as he tried to push her away, and during the same time she thought she'd been abandoned by his current self – and yet she _still_ wanted to be with him.

He might never understand it. And yet, everything seemed just that little bit clearer to him now. He had been afraid of the present and fearful of their future. But he stopped to look at all they had come through just to get to this point. And it seemed as if they were actually making it through. Maybe, he began daring to hope, they always would. Maybe sometimes you had to look back and see where you had been before you could look forward to see where you were going. He was ready to start looking forward.

He needed to be certain once and for all, though, that she knew just what she was getting. He looked to Rose then with solemn eyes as he voiced a profound realization.

"I am possibly the most difficult being in all the universe to attempt to have a relationship with."

Rose, however, seemed to have already had this epiphany eons ago. She snorted. "Ya think?" She then grew serious, making a rather profound statement of her own. "I wouldn't change anything, though," she assured him. "You know that, right? Because in spite of everything up to this point, it's all been worth it to me."

He stared back at her for a few seconds. "How can you feel that way?" he finally asked, genuinely perplexed.

Rose shook her head. "Do you _really_ even have to ask at this point? Three words aren't hard to remember..."

His eyes shone as he attempted to keep his composure. What had he _ever_ done to deserve her? He just hoped he could at least attempt to keep doing whatever it was.

"There's one last thing I still wonder about this," Rose shifted back, giving the Doctor a brief reprieve from emotional overload. "Do you think the TARDIS had something to do with our past encounter? I mean…the way she sort of…skipped you around in time?"

The Doctor wasn't sure if he should be hugely annoyed or grateful to his impudent ship. That was the sort of thing she just _might_ do. "Wouldn't surprise me if it was deliberate," he answered wryly. "But then, one could also argue that she was doing exactly what she should have."

"What'd you mean?"

"She was avoiding a paradox, knowing a past timeline was tangled up in events here. So she simply skipped past it."

Rose wrinkled her forehead as she drew her brows together, trying to make sense of it. "But…if the current TARDIS hadn't jumped ahead like that, then your past TARDIS wouldn't have even let your former self land here. If the current ship would have just kept you in this timeline there wouldn't have been a paradox to avoid because the past TARDIS wouldn't have been able to cross into this path while the current TARDIS was here, and…_ Blimey_, this is givin' me a headache…trying to think like you. How do you stand it?"

He smirked. "But the TARDIS had _already_ been here, in her past. So technically, that timeline took precedence and needed to be allowed. So the current TARDIS simply moved out of the way. A bit."

"A bit…," Rose mumbled wearily. She rubbed at her forehead. "It's another one of those causality loops, isn't it? Is that what my life is now? One never-ending causality loop?"

"Welcome to time travel."

She snorted. "I've already gotten a crash-course, thanks."

They exchanged half-smiles, grateful for the brief moment of levity. It couldn't last, though. Not when there were still a few more topics to tackle. There was one last thing she wanted to know before they moved on from this one, though.

"Do you think you could remember it? That past encounter, I mean? It's there somewhere, right? Just…suppressed."

"I've tried," he answered honestly. "But apparently it's buried deep."

"S'pose you wouldn't have wanted to remember something during that time anyway," she stated quietly.

"I didn't bury it because I didn't want to find it, Rose," he answered gently. "It was because I didn't want to lose it. And I wouldn't have wanted to take a chance on remembering at the wrong time. That could have…complicated things."

"Now _there's_ a new concept," she put in with a slight laugh. "But I suppose we've had enough complications, haven't we?"

"Oh, I should think so," he readily agreed.

"I guess there's still one more…complication, though," she finally ventured cautiously. "The bond."

Rose didn't want to push him anymore at this point. And if he wasn't ready to talk about this next matter just yet then she was going to let it rest for the time being. But she hoped he was finally ready to address the matter that had been at the heart of the Doctor's issues since this new step in their relationship began.

His body language became a little tense, uneasy. "I can…certainly see why it would feel that way to you, Rose. Like a complication, I mean."

"Only because you wouldn't talk to me about it," she replied with honesty. "And…you don't have to talk about this now if you're not ready. There's time. I've had a chance for things to finally start to settle in, but for you, it's still the same day that we arrived here, right? The same day that you had to encounter my mum with our news and…just a few days since Zobulan and…everything. So if you want more time to process things first, that's okay."

She was trying to meet him halfway in his efforts, to learn to give him space when needed. And he greatly appreciated that. But he also knew that he may _never_ be ready to air all this out given the option, so he was going to _have_ to delve into this sooner or later. Sooner was staring him in the face. He gathered his courage and stared back.

"What do you want me to tell you about the bond, Rose? I'll…try to answer whatever questions you might have."

Rose chewed her lip. He was finally willing to talk about it, so she just hoped she could approach it in the right way. Because it wasn't her issues with it she wanted to discuss. It was his. That _was_ her issue. "It's just that…this is what everything has been about for you, hasn't it? The bond?"

He didn't answer right away. He didn't even look directly at her, his eyes a little low and not focused on anything in particular. The Doctor finally nodded.

Rose dipped her head to catch his eye. "Doctor, I don't…pretend to understand it the way you do. I know this is something powerful. A sacred part of who you are, woven into the nature of your people. The people you lost. Something you didn't think you could have again. I understand that. But I feel like there's something more I don't understand about your feelings here. But I want to. And I want you to feel like you can tell me."

The Doctor raised his eyes and held her gaze, momentarily silent. He knew the silence couldn't continue any longer. Regardless of how she would see him because of this, it was time to finally be honest. She deserved that much. Finally gathering his resolve, he faced it head-on, even though the confession itself brought its own level of guilt.

"I'm afraid of this, Rose," he confessed at last. "I'm afraid of how much it's become and how much more it could be. It's like…you've drawn me in and I can't pull back."

Rose's emotions were in conflict at hearing his confession. She had sensed it was something along those lines for him: Fear. But hearing it made her grapple with the question of _why_. He was essentially saying that he was afraid of her, and that hurt.

Rose eased back a little from the table. "Why? Why is this even something you have to fear? Would allowing yourself to just accept this really be so terrible?"

The Doctor noted the hurt in her eyes. Would he ever learn how to stop causing that? "No, Rose. I'm not talking about letting myself just accept it as it is now. I'm talking about…"

"What, Doctor?" she softly urged.

The Doctor drew a shuddering breath and let go. He let go of the words that had been assaulting him over and over and over again since the moment their bond was formed. The words he had fought down and run from and tried to abolish, feeling ashamed that they even existed within his thoughts.

"I want more. I want our connection to be even stronger. And the more I have, the more I'm afraid I might take. It's like… Oh, Rose, it's hard to even articulate what it's like for me. I've been without this type of connection for so, so long. Now that we have this, it's like…having been without water for too long, and then suddenly finding yourself in front of an ocean and wanting to dive in. And…now I'm afraid of drowning us both."

Rose was silenced by the answer she had not been expecting. Her recent thoughts had led her to think he didn't want it at all. Apparently he'd thought he wanted it _too_ much.

His words that followed the confession were filled with self-loathing. "This bond was formed without your consent and beyond my self-control. It is _so_ much more than I should have taken from anyone. I…I've even come to think that my past self made the initial compatibility possible when I drew the Vortex out of you. Because it was then I first…touched your mind." He scrubbed a hand down his face. "I don't know…does that make this better or infinitely worse? And for you to have accepted this is something I can barely comprehend. I don't deserve this. Not even remotely. And yet, _selfishly_, I want even _more_. And that desire just gets stronger. Every time I'm with you, every time I touch you, every time we've…"

He broke off and closed his eyes, trying to gain command of his words. "I'm used to being in control, even when I don't want to be. In control of the Time War, of the life and death of those around me, the decisions that affect the course of Time itself. But with this…it's like…for once I'm powerless. It pulls me in, and it takes every ounce of restraint to keep from giving in to the urge – the _need_ – to make this connection to you stronger still."

Rose regarded him steadily, weighing his words. She had _not_ been expecting this. "You…actually want our link to be _stronger_?"

"I'm not proud of myself for thinking that way," he answered darkly.

Rose was still just trying to process this. "But…I thought you said the bond couldn't be any stronger for us than it is because I'm not a Time Lord. It's not like it could have been with one of your own kind. Are you saying there's a chance it _could_ be more?"

He scrubbed his hand down his jaw, growing more and more agitated at himself for even having been entertaining these thoughts. "Maybe. Possibly. There's a chance you could…learn how to strengthen it, how to reach for me, how to hear me in your deepest inner thoughts even when we're apart." He shook his head. "But I shouldn't even be _thinking_ about this. Yet the more I'm with you, the more I do. And the longer these thoughts exist, the less power I have to stop them."

Rose considered this carefully. The bond itself was something that had taken them both by surprise and was not a planned element of their relationship. But then, _nothing_ about their relationship from the moment they met had ever been planned. The concept and reality of such a link had taken a bit of getting used to for Rose. She was _still_ in the process of acclimating to it.

Yet despite this, it felt like a natural element between them. If she concentrated fully, she could just faintly sense him at the edge of her mind. It wasn't intrusive or distracting or unsettling. Just reassuring and comforting – exactly the way his hand felt in hers.

And the concept of an even stronger link was not something Rose was entirely unfamiliar with. They had experienced an even deeper joining of their minds just once. The Doctor had led her through the writing of a sacred message in the words of his own language just before they left Zobulan. He had physically touched her temple, intensified their link, and mentally been able to place words and images into her own mind. The moment had been indescribable, the connection beyond words.

If it were possible to have that sort of profound connection on a permanent basis, a connection where, with consent, they could literally be one in thought even when apart, would she want this?

Rose looked up. She gazed searchingly at the Doctor. She sought his eyes as she inquired further. "If…and I'm just saying _if_ we were able to make our bond even stronger, how strong could it be? Could it be like…when I was able to hear your voice in my mind when you showed me your language?"

The Doctor gawped at her with wide eyes. He was astonished that she was actually even considering this. "I…I think that maybe it could be. Eventually. But Rose, you…you couldn't possibly even want…"

"Why would you just assume I wouldn't?" she interjected.

He dropped his eyes. "The bond wasn't even discussed beforehand in the first place. I did this to you without consent."

Rose fought back a surge of frustration. "You still feel guilty over that? I thought we'd moved past it. I thought we had _both_ accepted this."

"I did. I mean…I have. I even told you I didn't want to block it. It's just…I never thought that more was something you would want with this. And I certainly didn't have the right to want more from you, either."

"Are you sorry the bond even exists? That it was created in the first place?" she bluntly questioned once and for all.

He paused to consider the question long and hard. He had done so for the past several days since its creation. Maybe the answer to this confirmed his assertion of his selfish nature, but he couldn't deny her the truth.

"No."

"I think there's hope for us yet, then," she answered with visible relief. Before he could fully feel the same, she pressed ahead. "So…how strong could it be?" she asked again, thinking that maybe in time, if this deepening of their link were possible, she could actually _show_ him just how much she wanted this relationship and every facet of it with him, laying aside any of his doubts in that regard once and for all.

He swallowed with effort. "I honestly don't know, for certain. But…but with mental training you might be able to learn to strengthen the part of our bond that's within you so that I could reach you on an even deeper level. Right now I can project words into your mind if we're physically close – touching; but we might be able to reach the point where I could do it across distance. You might even be able to communicate that way with me as well, given time."

Rose knew that if this became possible, it would be the closest the Doctor had come to this kind of a connection since his people had been lost. She might be able to give this to him. When it truly came down to it, the words Rose had spoken to the Doctor when she had initially reassured him of accepting their bond still held true now. She only ever wanted more for them, not less. Rose realized she was willing to be open to this possibility of more at some point in their future.

"I think…I might want to try, at some point," she finally resolved.

The muscles in the Doctor's jaw clenched as he fought to keep his voice steady. Her possible agreement to this thrilled and utterly terrified him. "Rose, this isn't something to decide lightly."

"I haven't. And I haven't fully decided yet, either. I know what this could mean. I know that what we have now is permanent, and that making it stronger would make it even more immense. I don't think I would have been ready for that before," she stated frankly. "I told you how it was hard not to lose myself in you, and if the bond had been any stronger before now, maybe I _would_ have drowned in it, like you said. But I think maybe we're both now ready to try for this, if we decide to at some point."

The Doctor blinked and looked away from her, and when he turned back she saw something she had very rarely seen from him. Tears had gathered in his eyes and were tracking down his cheeks. He raised a swift hand and scrubbed them away angrily but their presence was already known.

Rose understood then, with more clarity, the Doctor's conflicted, almost tormented feelings in this. She stood up and moved her chair close, easing down right beside him. She reached up, cupping his cheek, turning his face to hers and locking her eyes with his.

She whispered. "Oh, my Doctor. For you, this bond is the same as our love. You want it just as badly as you fear it. Because the more you have, the more you stand to one day lose."

He closed his eyes. "Rose, please. Let's not go into that now."

She soldiered on, because they _needed_ to address this. "But I promised you forever, and I don't care what I have to do – I intend to _keep_ that promise. You said yourself that there are ways that I could be with you for so much longer – medical advances to hold off time. And even before that ever became an issue, no matter what might happen to try to split us up, even if I had to rip open the heart of the TARDIS again, I would come back to you. I can promise you that. What we have isn't perfect. We've made mistakes and we'll probably make more. But I'm not gonna leave you for as long as I can help it. Do you believe in me?"

He answered in a thick voice, words heavy with emotion. "You're one of the few things I _do_ believe in, Rose."

Rose moved her hand down to his chest, coming to rest between his hearts, eyes flitting between both of his as she whispered. "Then hold on to what we have, and don't push it away while it's here."

His hand came up to cover her own, fingers gripping hers as his body leaned in toward her, unable to stop. He bent his head fractionally, then a little lower still. He stopped only when he was so close that his lips nearly grazed hers as he spoke, voice rough and cracked open from honesty. "I'm trying."

"That's all either of us can do," she whispered across his mouth.

Then, doing something the Doctor had never done quite so publicly and rarely done privately, he moved that fraction more and touched Rose softly on the lips with his own. They had been so, so close, yet the action still took Rose by tingling surprise. It was achingly gentle. Just a barely-there press of his lips to hers, but it still had Rose so completely swept away that for those first few seconds she didn't react.

Her inactivity didn't last long, though. Both her hands came up and cupped his face as his cool mouth lingered on hers, neither one taking or demanding – just savoring the touch for what it was. It was brief and chaste, but it left them both flushed and tingling. He pulled back just enough to let her eyes open. She caught a glimpse of his dark orbs glittering in the fiery candlelight.

She snatched one breath, then he was moving, head dipping, lips seeking and finding hers once more.

This time their kiss wasn't gentle or tender or slow. It was rough and brought full disclosure. It conveyed pent-up fear and the release of frustration mixed with hope. His lips almost hurt as they crushed to hers, but the pain grounded and solidified this moment.

He eased back too soon, leaving her still thirsting for more. But a sliver of logic still residing in her brain told her she needed to breathe. _And_ they were in a public location. They stayed that way for several passing heartbeats, so close that he inhaled each exhale she released. At some point her hands had slipped from his face and now gripped his lapels. One of his hands was cradling the back of her head, the other cupping her cheek, thumb tracing the soft line of her jaw

He finally eased forward again and touched his forehead to hers, voice low and raw as his previous retreat from intimacy fell to the ground and shattered.

"Just…be with me tonight, Rose."

The passion in his request caused a surge of heat to crest over her. Its simplicity, however, made her wonder why they always had to try so hard.

She responded with a breathless laugh. "Why did we ever have to make things so complicated?"


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N **This chapter does not contain a love scene, but it does begin to get steamy. I'll apologize now for the rather teasing ending point, and despite my reputation it wasn't entirely intentional. There will certainly be more of this scene to unfold, but this was the most I could possibly get written this week. I've had to question whether I could even keep writing for the time being, so needless to say THANK YOU to each one who has continued to review and kept me going, in spite of RL trying to pull me away.

* * *

**Chapter 18**

The Doctor and Rose's shuttle trip to the restaurant had been made with a degree of tension, and the same could be said for the return trip. This time, however, they were enveloped with a different type of palpable tension altogether. Those few past instances when the Doctor had dropped that practiced restraint of his and given in, he had a level of passion and intensity that Rose could have only described as breath-stealing. Now was no exception.

They had left the restaurant together with due haste, and though no words were spoken between them as they ascended the flickering torch-lit path up the beach, the firm grasp of the Doctor's hand around hers conveyed a sense of quiet urgency as they approached their awaiting transportation. He could barely wait to get her alone, Rose realized with each swift step they took, and the awareness of that fact made her toes curl in her hastily-donned shoes.

Her instincts had been correct. The Doctor turned and pinned her with a passionate kiss the moment they were seated in the shuttle. She matched his eager intensity, and the short trip back was _not_ spent admiring the passing outward scenery. Rose was actually disappointed when they seemed to arrive all too soon at the suite, forcing them to stop their overdue session of becoming _reacquainted_. She would have gladly stayed just where they were, tangled up in each other within their private little craft. But as soon as they reached their destination, the Doctor slipped out of her arms and exited the shuttle with alacrity, leaving her gazing after him in a slight daze.

Rose straightened her rumpled dress, readjusting a fallen strap and smoothing her skirt back over her thighs before stepping out of the blessedly-small shuttle. The flaming look the Doctor gave her as he extended his hand made her disappointment over being cut short vanish like mist. With an electric thrill, it hit her hazed mind that they would be taking this much further once inside.

"Shall we?" he asked, voice low and smooth.

She marveled that he could make two words sound so provocative. It was _definitely_ the context.

"Oh, we certainly shall," she responded suggestively as her hand slipped into his.

Hands grasped tightly, they made record time walking the short path up to their suite. They passed an older humanoid couple on the way who cut a glance at them with knowing, barely-suppressed smiles, but Rose was beyond care or embarrassment that their hasty trek and flushed state no doubt made their intentions clear to anyone paying half-notice. With desire and euphoria pumping through her veins, she wouldn't have objected to wearing a sign declaring she was about to make passionate love to this man at her side. Considering the wait and all it had entailed, the culmination of this night was practically newsworthy.

They reached the front entrance of their suite and paused just long enough for Rose to step up to the facial recognition system outside the door to let them in. The Doctor took the brief moment of stillness to pull Rose close as he pressed up behind her. The anxiety that had been building within him for so long was rapidly giving way, replaced by unbridled desire and anticipation. He buried his face in the crook of Rose's neck and she shuddered, knowing he was inhaling her scent. If she wasn't already turned on to the highest degree, that would have been the tipping point. She sagged back into his embrace for a moment, briefly lost to everything else. They were becoming intoxicated by each other.

They managed to make it through the door upon opening, but stopped for a passionate kiss once inside, her hands clutching his shoulders and his firmly grasping her hips, pulling her flush against him as teeth clashed and tongues battled. It bordered on ravenous, probably looked a little chaotic from the outside and lacked any form of finesse whatsoever. It was perfection.

His ardor reminded Rose that the Doctor was a man who had gone without for a few centuries prior to their relationship. He seemed to be making up for lost time now. And she was in no way inclined to deny him. She _was_ ready to move this out of the front parlor, though. Rose finally managed to pull back, breathing hard as she wordlessly took his hands, gave him an explicitly-scorching look and led him with her to the bedroom. He followed readily with purposeful steps.

Despite their fervor leading up to this, there was suddenly a nervous energy pulsating through them both as they crossed into the room. They knew, of course, exactly what to do next and exactly what they wanted, but this was only their third time together. Despite being more than ready and willing, they were still far from having reached a state of practiced ease with each other in matters of intimacy. The unfamiliarity, however, almost made it that much more exhilarating.

Rose released his hand. Despite the muted light barely illuminating the room, her gaze focused on the sumptuous bed which stood out as a focal point directly in front of them. She wondered if they would ever be together like this without that quivering thrill of feeling like it was their first time.

The air in the room felt close, a little stuffy. The night air was dry and cool though, and had felt divine on their heated skin as they'd made a hurried dash up to the suite. The Doctor tugged at the knot in his tie, loosening the dark silk from around his neck. They both swallowed with visible force, but remained silent, eyes now fixed on each other. The Doctor then turned from her and moved to the room's double doors leading out to the private veranda. He opened them, allowing a fresh breeze to circulate through the closed space. That was better. At least now she could breathe.

He turned back to face her. So much for breathing. His darkened eyes were locked on hers as he made his way back to her with measured steps. The Doctor's intense expression was one Rose could see each day for a lifetime, and still it would have the same breath-stealing effect.

He looked at her as if she was his hearts' desire and the substance of his dreams – both the ones of beauty and those of dark fear. He loved her and feared her because of it; and somehow, for them, that seemed elemental.

There was a part of Rose that feared him, too. It wasn't a fear of harm. Never harm. It was that feeling of fearful awe one experiences in the face of a storm which rumbles on the far horizon. He was ancient and powerful, and sometimes it took effort – even now after affirming her own strength – not to see her life in comparison as a wisp. Yet he saw her as dazzling. Somehow, as opposite as some of the aspects of their natures were, they were a perfect match for each other, their contrasts serving to balance the other. She kept him grounded and he made her soar.

It was in that precise moment that Rose realized what she had already known deep within. She was ready to have even more with this man – more _of_ this man. There was no doubt left in her mind at this point. She didn't need time to consider the possibility of sharing even more through their bond. She was ready for it. Ready to reach out and take hold of all they could possibly be when united as one.

Here. Now.

She extended her arm and held her hand out for him, and watched him swallow rapidly twice. He reached her, his hand finding hers as their fingers slid together, warm meeting cool in a perfect fusion.

"Doctor," she breathed out, quiet but certain, "I'm ready for more. More with you."

A low sound resonated in his chest as he moved one step nearer, bending to nuzzle and touch his lips to the pulse point of her neck. The touch made her tremor, re-acclimating to the frisson of energy which pulsed between their link when physically connecting and mutually _wanting_.

"I'm infinitely glad you haven't changed your mind," he husked low. "I've never tried to stop when you've gotten me like _this_, and I don't know if I could…" His lips fastened firmly to her neck then, her life's force throbbing beneath his touch as his hands drifted down the silk of her dress to her hips, the tips of his fingers skimming first tentatively, then possessively around the curve of her bum as he pulled her closer.

Her head tipped to the side of its own accord to allow his mouth greater access. Her hands came up to his chest and curled in the pinstriped material of his jacket, instinctively pulling him in before pushing away gently.

"No…that's…that's not what I meant," she corrected, breath hitching as his wet, swirling tongue joined in the attention of his lips upon the skin of her neck.

He pulled back at her words. His eyes had slightly glazed but were quickly clearing and giving way to confusion and doubt. Before his doubt could go any further, she elaborated her words with the touch of her fingers. Her hands moved up to his face, to his temples. He shuddered at the sensation. His eyes briefly fluttered but then forced open and grew larger as he processed her meaning.

"This," she whispered. "I'm ready for more of you…_here_. In my mind. Connected deeper. I want to begin this tonight. At least to start."

He reached up for her hands and folded them in his own, pulling them against his chest. He swallowed but his voice still came out rough, strained. "Rose, are you sure? Absolutely sure? If you want more time to think about this first, or…"

She pushed forward up on her toes and brushed her lips across his as she murmured, "I'm sure."

A visible thrill shot threw him, tempered by the gravity of her decision. He nodded once.

"Are _you_ sure?" she sought to confirm. There was absolutely no room left for doubt between them. Not anymore. Not with this.

He answered with a single word, and that was enough.

"Yes."

"What do we do?" she questioned with eyes of inexperience yet trust.

His hands released hers and drifted to her arms, stroking up, then back down, repeating the soft, assuring caress as he spoke. "To strengthen the bond we have to begin by strengthening your mental extrasensory abilities. You have the potential there, Rose. _Oh_, believe me, you do. It just needs to be fully awakened. And heightening inner telepathic abilities begins by heightening your outward senses first. There's sight, of course." His littlest finger feathered a touch along her left line of eyelashes, and she nearly whimpered at the unexpected, infinitely gentle touch. "But we'll be eliminating that…"

Her wayward mind momentarily pictured a scene involving blindfolds, but then his body pressed closer and all thoughts temporarily vanished. "There's taste…" His lips swooped to hers for a brief but searing kiss as he suckled her lower lip into his mouth and she sighed from the warm, wet pleasure. His lips released hers and moved to the side of her face. "Sound…" He whispered the word across the shell of her ear, making a tremor pulse down her spine. "But right now we're going to focus on _touch_…" The tip of one solitary finger painted a line across her clavicles, making her shudder with desire. "You focus on sharpening your senses outwardly, then use them to reach inwardly."

"O-okay," she managed, the single word an accomplishment.

"We need to be closer, physically, so we can feel each other's every movement – no other outside barrier in the way to dampen sensation."

"Oh, no complaints about that," she answered in a suggestive tone, lifting her arms and draping them behind his neck as she pulled him suitably closer.

He chuckled, a deep, rich sound. "I mean that this…," he stepped back and her hands loosened from around his neck as his own hands danced over the silken merlot fabric of her dress, "will have to be removed. This is about feeling me near through heightening your senses. And the skin is the largest sensory organ of the body, Rose. It needs to be unobstructed."

It might have been a scientific fact, but something about the way he said it – in the context of this moment – sounded like the sexiest words ever spoken. Only the Doctor could use a line like that to get a woman naked. Rose shivered. She already felt like his eyes were searing through her as it was. Apparently that was about to ratchet up a notch.

Rose shifted forward again. "And what about you?" she asked in a silky purr, reaching for his loosened tie and giving a tug. "Works both ways, yeah?" Trying to affect an air of seductive bravado was the only thing keeping her from noticeably trembling.

"Oh, yes," he rasped throatily, fighting a similar feeling of nervousness about this step they were about to take. He removed his own jacket, then the slack silk around his neck, then his dark blue shirt, releasing each button from top to bottom, pausing to undo the cuffs, and then shrugging out of the starched cotton until he was down to just his trousers.

Rose openly stared at his exposed torso, deceivingly chiseled and superbly male. Intentional gazing couldn't be helped. It was almost criminal to hide such a body beneath so many layers. He was insanely gorgeous. Her fingertips burned to touch his uncovered skin.

His eyes raked her own body with a similar thought, and Rose didn't think she would _ever_ grow accustom to the look of untempered want and need in his gaze. "You still need to remove a few integumentary barriers, too," he reminded her hotly, his big words that might have otherwise had her rolling her eyes only serving to further spike her temperature when spoken in such a tone.

Rose swallowed with considerable effort as her eyes broke contact with his. Why was she suddenly so nervous about this? They had only been intimate a few times, true. But she hadn't felt quite this level of shyness with him before. She realized it wasn't just about the physical exposure. It was the inward exposure that was soon to come with it.

Surprisingly, it was the Doctor, despite all his previous reticence, who gave her confidence with his own sureness about the situation. His darkened eyes latched on to hers as his slender fingers unfastened and unzipped his trousers, then slid them from his hips without hesitation, kicking them free along with his socks and Chucks and leaving only his dark blue boxerbriefs remaining.

His rough voice contrasted the gentleness of his words. "This works both ways, Rose. You won't be the only one exposing yourself." He ended on a whisper. "Trust me."

Those two words where all she needed to be reminded of. She trusted him. She simply nodded. Her fingers began work on the back zip of her dress, so slowly it felt like the metallic teeth were parting one at a time. Once the zipper was down all the way and dress gaping in the back, she hooked her fingers under the slender straps and tugged the garment until it slid down her arms, past her hips and fell at her feet, a forgotten heap on the floor as she lifted one foot, then the other to step out of the shed cloth, toeing off her heels in the process.

The Doctor's eyes blatantly raked over the matching pair of deep wine-colored undergarments that were revealed underneath. It was quite obvious he had paused to admire the gentle rise and fall of her chest – soft curves ensconced in strapless silk and accented with sensual lace. She'd not planned on this when dressing earlier, but the hopeful thought had certainly crossed her mind and might have influenced her choice of lingerie.

"You match the bed," he commented in a gravelly voice, his head tipping once to the burgundy-draped bed in question.

That hadn't even occurred to her. It just happened to be a fortunate coincidence. That wasn't going to stop her from rolling with it to her advantage rather than falling victim to the tongue-tied state he nearly had her in.

"Do I now? Wasn't intentional. I'm surprised you even noticed…," she answered with an innocence that was betrayed by the look in her eyes.

He slowly arched a single, seductive brow in doubt of that statement.

_Blimey, _who would have thought an eyebrow should come with a warning label for women?

The only thing possible of distracting her from this was the _rest_ of him. Rose's own eyes took another lingering journey over his body, nearly fully exposed. Nearly. She slowly lifted her eyes and looked at him from beneath thick lashes. It seemed this was about to reach the truly…noteworthy phase. Rose just hoped she could survive the mounting tension.

"So…everything s'posed to go? For the sake of perceived sensation?" she questioned coyly. Her voice sounded low even to her own ears. "Heightened sensory awareness, and all that…"

Though perhaps it should have disappointed her, his reply actually had the opposite effect.

"No. At least not _yet_. I need to maintain some form of focus during this."

Oh, she just could _not_ let him leave it at that. Not when he was so close to confessions rarely made. "You sayin' I might actually be able to…_distract_ you?" she questioned low, tone sultry.

His eyes were a challenge to her even questioning this. "Are you saying you doubt it? Even a Time Lord has a breaking point, Rose."

She bit down on her lip. It was all she could do not to release a needy moan. If he could hold out through this and not reach that Breaking Point_,_ so could she.

Despite their steamy repartee, they were both saturated with nervous anticipation, the gravity of what they would be doing in regards to their mental link weighting every action. At the same time, they were both so fully aroused that it was questionable how they would ever make it through this exercise of mental strengthening before indulging entirely in the intrinsic physical aspect.

His penetrating eyes upon her body were making her burn, and she craved for him to touch her. Rose took a step to close the gap between them but he matched her movement in reverse.

"Later," he said, voice rough with arousal and something frighteningly stronger. Yes, it was there – powerful and surging, unvoiced but resonant. The love he had never been fully successful at concealing _or_ ignoring was there behind every look, every touch, every word on this night. "We'll work up to physical touch, but first it has to be subtle."

Rose took in a breath. "Not sure how anything about this could be subtle," she responded, her belly tightening in anticipation of this.

"We'll take it slow," he assured her. "But you really have to try to focus on what we're doing here, Rose," he reminded her, his eyes growing somber.

She swallowed and nodded. He then gave her a smoldering, lethal half-smile that nearly seared her to the bone. He stepped just a little closer, and even though they were not quite touching she could feel her body react to his proximity. _Yes_, this was going to be an effective lesson in sensory awareness.

"Now close your eyes…"


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N **This chapter is still rated Teen. Next week's update, however, will contain a love scene and will be posted separately as a standalone, rated Adult. Due to this site's content restrictions it will only be available for reading on Teaspoon, the link to which can be found on my profile page. The main story will continue again here after that point and the overall rating will remain the same.

If anyone would like a PM to get a heads-up for when it's posted on Teaspoon next week just let me know. :)

* * *

**Chapter 19**

"_Now close your eyes…"_

Rose stood, barely clothed, the Doctor equally exposed, and charged with such electric anticipation that she didn't think it was possible to be on any finer a blade of tension.

She was trying very hard to focus on the deeper element here – the strengthening of her mental abilities. But he was making it virtually impossible with requests like this. Especially when spoken in _that_ voice. She was also totally out of her element with this and a little nervous about what to expect.

"So…that some sort of standard Time Lord protocol for this?" she questioned coyly, hoping her nerves weren't too obvious. She didn't want him to doubt her implicit trust in him, but she wanted to steady herself by knowing what to anticipate.

"You need to sharpen your ability to sense me without using your vision," he explained. "You need to become aware of me by learning to heighten your other senses, and then once you're in tune with what you're feeling you'll turn that focus inward to sense me from within."

Rose pondered and processed his words, mentally preparing. She nodded and closed her eyes in an attempt to comply, but a remark slipped out. "Maybe it would be easier to concentrate on this later. I mean…well, _after_. When we both aren't quite so…"

She let the end of that sentence dangle, knowing surely he caught the gist. He was silent. She couldn't take it. Rose opened her eyes. As she'd expected, that lethally-seductive brow was arched in her direction.

"…Aroused?" he finished for her.

"Yes," she answered overtly.

He stepped closer and leaned in, his lips brushing her ear. "But right now I have your full attention."

It was rather outrageous how sexy he could be when he put his mind to it. "You always have my attention," she murmured, giving up on fighting the breathless quality in her tone.

He stepped back, eyes slowly appraising her. "I know the feeling…"

"That mean we're postponing till later?" she attempted to flirtatiously tease.

His expression instantly sobered. "Do you want to stop, Rose?"

She swallowed and stared him in the eyes. "I want to take this as far as we can," she answered with passion.

His face relaxed, yet maintained an intensity. "Then let's begin."

Rose nodded her head and took a deep breath.

She could do this, Rose tried to encourage herself. She might combust in the process, thus causing him to be the death of her yet. But everyone had to go sometime, right? At least the cause was worth it. Rose let her eyes fall closed. Without her sight, she had to rely on honing her other senses. The Doctor moved beside her to the right and then stopped, but she could still sense his proximity.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked, voice low and intense yet gentle.

Rose nodded once. As comfortable as she could be, burning from the inside out as she currently was. "Yeah. I'm okay. Now what?"

"Now just relax," he encouraged soothingly. "Focus on what you're feeling."

He began to move then. She could hear the sound of his feet shifting across the floor beside her, then around her, moving even closer. He stopped when he was what sounded to be only mere inches behind.

"Can you feel me?" he whispered from behind her. His hands came forward and though not touching, traced up the path of her forearms, hovering just millimeters from contact with her skin. She felt the tiny hairs on her arms flutter and stand at attention as his fingertips moved past, just a wisp away.

"I feel you," she murmured.

"Just focus on what you're feeling," he encouraged. "Concentrate on this and let everything else around you fade away."

It wasn't so much a touch, but a whisper of air along her flesh as his hand then ghosted up the side of her neck, and then across the rim of her ear. She shivered, feeling an even stronger jolt of the electric sensation shared between them, marveling at its strength, even without full contact. She was riveted to the feeling.

The subtle quiver in his voice said he shared the sensation. "Focus on that energy, that spark, even as it becomes faint."

His hand pulled away and the sensation faded. She sucked in a breath of surprise as he then placed the cool flat of his palm to her chest, over her heart. The energy between them spiked sharply. He then eased his hand off, providing less and less contact. She could distinguish the pad of each finger leaving her flesh, but could feel the electric sensation still crackling between them. His hand lifted completely off and hovered above her skin. She continued to feel the pulsing sensation between the two of them, growing faint but still there.

"Follow it," he whispered, and she was so focused on him that he might very well have whispered the words into her mind. His hand, just a hair's breadth from touching, continued down her torso, following the inward dip of her waist and outward curve of her hip. He skimmed a microscopic distance from touching but maintained the flow of current between them.

Rose was amazed and swiftly losing herself in the sensation. She could feel him, even though his skin was not in contact with hers. It was one of the most sensual moments she'd yet experienced, her entire being focused solely on him.

"Now anticipate it," he said, voice low and exhilarated.

He circled her body, but not in a predatory way. His movement was like a protective shield whose sole purpose was to shelter something precious. He was surrounding her, and though she couldn't see, she felt no vulnerability. Only trust. The air shifted above her shoulder as the movement of his hand stirred the space, but in seconds he moved locations, a near-touch flitting above the smooth skin of her belly. He continued moving around her, the next sensation of a whispered touch hovering upon her back, following the curving course of her spine, then over to float across her left hip. It was as if she could anticipate his every motion just a fraction of time before it came. It was spellbinding.

"Feel me, Rose," he whispered, voice electric.

He had stopped. He was so close. She could feel it. He was behind her.

"Feel me," he whispered again, moving even closer.

His body was so near now. The faint buzz of sensation she'd felt when his hand hovered over her was now enveloping her entire body, radiating out from where he stood behind her. Rose quivered from head to foot from the sensual energy. He moved closer still, the hairs of his thighs and shins titillating the backs of her thighs and calves. He finally pressed his entire body completely to hers, his arms coming around her from behind to draw her fully into him.

It was an instantaneous overload. She gasped, not in surprise of the movement but in the intensity of their physical connection once flesh met flesh fully. She was hyperactively aware of every portion of his body against hers – every single millimeter.

"Doctor…," she breathed out.

"You feel me outwardly," he uttered, rapidly consuming her, and her him. "Now sense me this strongly inwardly."

Rose concentrated all of her attention on him, which was the only thing she _could_ do in this moment. She then focused inward on that faint awareness of his presence in the back of her mind, that hazy sensation of something that existed just there out of reach, something she was only fully aware of when she consciously sought it.

It was like warmth and light, pulsing distantly but steadily. Still embracing her from behind, his fingers skimmed up and settled over her temple. Suddenly, her awareness of his presence intensified, just as it had when he had done this just once before when sharing his language.

"_Feel me,"_ he said again, but this time, astoundingly, from within her mind. As a human, she had only experienced such intense telepathy that one notable time. Having another person speak into her mind was certainly not the norm, but at the same time it wasn't unsettling. Had it been anyone else, yes. But not when it was _him_.

The luminosity and warmth of his presence faded slowly as his fingers upon her temple gently slipped away from physical contact. Yet his voice within somehow remained.

"_Now follow me. Focus on our link and become one with it. Become one with me," _his voice echoed before fading away.

Rose focused on seeking after that dimming sense of his presence, closer and closer and closer, straining to reach him, to reach out to him, to touch him with her mind. The presence grew stronger until she felt closer than before, and she reached further still.

It was the Doctor who gasped this time as Rose touched their bond for the first time with the reach of her mind, stroking it and sensing it pulse in response.

She could feel his shock and wonderment. "Did I…is this okay?" she questioned shakily.

His voice was breathless, responding audibly. "You shouldn't have even been capable of that yet. Y-you're…you're incredible, Rose."

They remained motionless for a moment in the presence of the other as they adjusted. Keeping her close, the Doctor spoke against her ear. "Can you try to speak to me…_like this…?"_ He grazed his lips over her temple with the last two words, his mind dipping deeper into hers once more. _"Try, Rose…"_

She pulled an unsteady breath into her lungs. Rose focused all of her concentration on reaching toward his presence, to and through their link. Streams of thoughts she wanted to convey were pouring through her, but she couldn't get them beyond her own mind and into his in the form of words.

He could sense her straining against their link with the effort she was putting forth. "Shhh," he soothed with outward speech. "That's okay. It takes time." His lips pressed to her temple again as his presence nudged further into their link. _"Try to focus on my words as my touch pulls away…"_ Again, his hand slowly lowered from her temple. _"I'm still here, Rose. Follow me…"_

She tried, but his voice grew faint before echoing off to silence. He could feel her frustration again as her body tensed in his arms. She tried to fight to hold on to the sound of his voice in her mind without needing the physical touch upon her temple to link them, but it was a struggle.

"You don't have to try so hard, Rose. We've strengthened our bond already," he assured her in a hushed voice, her body relaxing again as he spoke outwardly. His arms crossed over her chest as he held her to him in a tight embrace. "We're so close right now. What I can feel from you is incredible. So close…," he murmured in awe and love and fright, coiled into one intense emotion and thrumming through them both.

Rose then turned in his arms and wrapped her own around him, seeking the contact and the anchor of his body. They stood, forehead to forehead, breathing as one as their bond pulsated, enlivened, and was given the freedom to reach forth unhindered. The Doctor had lowered so many long-sustained barriers to let her in and allow his own mind to finally extend without restraint.

The connection between them was steadily intensifying with each shared breath, their linking of minds growing stronger. It wasn't just his presence Rose could feel, but she began to sense his emotions, too. He became aware that she could feel this, and instinctively began to shield this part of himself. But then, astonishingly given his nature, he let go. He gave in and allowed it.

It left her dizzy for the first several seconds before she could even begin to process it all. It was like being enveloped in a kaleidoscope of turbulent emotion. Rose could feel his love that was scarcely voiced but brimming from within, burning as a white-hot flame; his joy, a radiating vibrant yellow like that of a blazing sun; his desire, a deep pulsating scarlet; his dark fear interlaced beneath it all, pitch black as a starless night sky. Just a touch of the full spectrum and intensity of his emotions was nearly enough to weaken her legs as he held her close on every level.

It washed over her, flooding her conscious mind. He was letting himself go, giving over to this fully, and it was unstoppable. She understood with clarity the battle he'd fought in trying to keep from pouring himself into her mind. Feeling the magnitude of it now, she marveled that he had ever been able to hold this back. She could sense he was losing control of restraint, as he had so previously feared.

His voice within tried to warn her. _"I…I can't…"_

"Don't stop," she answered in a choked whisper.

In a burst of power like that of an explosive supernova, all that the Doctor was, his very essence and being, surged over her in one enormous, blinding rush.

But it didn't crush or drown or consume her.

It empowered her.

It stirred something to life deep within her that had lay like a sleeping wolf waiting to be awoken. Mightily, she rose up and gathered all that the Doctor was as it crested over her. With a force so intense it nearly brought the Doctor to his knees, she sent a surge of her own emotions – her love, her desire, her trust, her sheer strength of will and all she was – flooding back, crashing over him in its entirety.

The Doctor had feared all along that he would overwhelm her.

He'd had it in reverse.

It was almost too much for _him_, and he was just trying to keep his balance under the force of it all.

"_Rose…," _he nearly sobbed, overtaken by her, yet welcoming this level of life and restoration to his once desolate mind.

Both were nearly delirious from the rushing onslaught. Though her eyes fell closed, Rose's vision had never been more clear. She began to see the Doctor from beyond an external perspective. Wisping tendrils of thought became strong and resonant, hurling past in a thousand directions. It was dizzying. He was all frenetic energy and constant movement, even mentally. Beneath the frenzied thought which held a millennia of experiences and lifetimes she could see his nature, see the man he projected to others and the man he truly was in his inner depths – the magnificent and the frightening, the light and the darkness, the fire and ice.

There was one area darker than any other. Oppressively black. Her mind drew cautiously near, strangely riveted and all attention fixed on this formidable, haunting expanse. She was met by the sudden mental equivalent of a slamming door, bolted and chained. It was the one place she was not allowed to see because he kept it locked away, even from himself. It was the Time War. He had allowed her to see other parts of himself, but not _this_ part, because the Doctor himself didn't want to face it again.

Rose respected this, whispering her assuring love outwardly as she _showed_ him inwardly, her light and life illuminating and filling what had once been barren and ravaged by pain.

He eased and allowed her further, and Rose delved deeper into his mind as he audibly gasped, bathed in her golden essence. She knew then that no one had ever been able to touch him on such a level with such ease, as if she were meant to be a part of him here.

Once she sensed his allowance to remain this deeply connected, Rose began searching for something. Something hidden. And she found it. There was a shrouded, hazy area that the Doctor himself didn't even recognize until her attention was focused there. She extended forth and touched it with her own reaching mind, and it instantaneously illuminated.

Their inner connection was briefly brought back to their outer surroundings as the Doctor pulled back, his eyes flying open. Rose's own eyes blinked open to lock with his.

"Think I found something of yours," she whispered.

"Something of ours," he murmured hazily, eyes slipping shut to refocus.

The Doctor's mind then focused inward on the obscured fragment of his past.

Like the turning of a key in a lock, the Doctor was flooded with the memories of being here so long ago. It all came surging back in a rush, the details progressively sharpening as the event replayed in his mind.

He had encountered his future at a time when he thought there would be no such thing for him, when he had thought he would perpetually live in his anguished past. The hazy details became vividly clear – his pain, his fear, his longing and desperation for this kind of future, but along with the yearning had been the stricken belief that something like this could never be his. He hadn't even known this inexplicable woman yet, but he had wanted her and needed her beyond all reason. He had feared that something like this – someone like Rose – could never be his. Not his. So he had tried to release it before it could be ripped from him. But in the end he had come to the only decision he could _ever_ make when faced with this.

He needed Rose desperately. He needed her love and her forgiveness and all the things he could never give himself. He didn't deserve it, and part of him knew his life would be so much easier if he didn't want it. Nothing could change the fact that he _did_. He could run from it and deny it and try to disregard it, but he would always, _always_ need it. Need this. Need her.

'_Who are you?' _his previous self had asked in fear and awe.

'_Just a woman who loves you,'_ she had answered with aching simplicity.

This one powerful fact nearly drove him away when he had sensed it long before she had spoken it, but in the end it could only ever drive him closer.

He ached to know more of this woman who held his deepest desires and roused his greatest fears. He couldn't control his need for more of her, and he no longer had to. His body managed to stay upright by sheer adrenaline alone as the Doctor let go that final bit and plunged deeply into her mind just as he had allowed of her, connecting with her on a level he'd not dare reach for until now.

In an instant he not only understood Rose's love for him but he _felt_ that love, vibrant, pulsing and real. He was ancient, yet this youthful human being taught him the very nature of love at that moment. It was not something he could ever deserve – it was not something _anyone_ could ever deserve. That's what made it magnificent. That's what made it complicated. That's what made it something he could never fight against and win. Maybe he was ready to be conquered.

So much was shared between them in the fleeting span of an instant. It was astounding yet as natural for them as taking hold of the other's hand and running through Time. They were so close to becoming a single being in this moment, and with time, if this connection continued to strengthen it could mean that even distance itself may never truly separate them. His mind could seek and find its mate across the very universe itself.

His forehead dropped to hers, voice low and gravelly and the most exquisite sound to her ears. "Think I might need you forever. That okay?"

It was one of the most open, significant statements the Doctor had made about his feelings in this relationship. And though far from poetic or romantic, the words still stole her air in a half laugh/half breathless whoosh as her head nodded against his. "Yeah… Might need you forever, too."

She framed his face in her hands and simply held him in the beauty of the moment, willing it to last. Always. His eyes clenched shut, saturated once again in her very essence as she enveloped and filled him. His hands roamed down her sides and pressed to the small of her back, drawing her body tightly into his.

The Doctor maintained his physical hold around Rose even as his mind encircled her, but she could feel he was now trembling, whispering to her in Gallifreyan, something over and over and over – like a plea or a prayer. Or a vow.

Eyes unfocused and glassy, she lifted her forehead from his, moving down just enough to claim the words from his tongue with her own. Her mouth covered his, and for a brief moment of time he simply held her passively, basking in all that he felt from her within and without as she drew his lips between hers and caressed them, traced the roof of his mouth with the silken glide of her tongue, and coaxed his own to dance.

Rose knew the precise moment he focused in on one particular aspect of that past memory now unlocked. She could perceive the hazy tendrils of prior passion filtering through their bond. With renewed ardor, he kissed her back fervently, the memory of doing so in his Ninth form driving a complex rush of desire and need – the need for _this_ him, here and now, to be the enough. To be everything.

She hadn't even realized he carried a trace of lingering insecurity over _'Can you change back?' _She got the sense he was currently snogging that question right off her lips. He shifted from tender to possessive in the span of a breath, but Rose had no objections with trying to keep up. He was the most complex man she had ever known and he was _finally_ allowing his emotions to have a taste of freedom, so she hadn't expected anything about it to be serene. She had known that joining her life with his meant embracing a rolling storm, and she wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Rose was drawn back to their outer surroundings the moment her back connected with the wall behind them as he pinned her body with his own, mouth claiming and consuming. As the memory unfolded all it had held, the bittersweet ache of the moment was relived.

"Not enough time…," he rasped into her mouth between nips of his teeth and strokes of his tongue. That was perhaps the cruelest bit of irony for a Time Lord.

She didn't know if he was referencing their past brief encounter or what he feared of their present. Either way, she responded with the affirmation of words and actions as she matched the fever-pitch of his kiss and whispered out between stolen breaths. "We have _now_…"

It almost hurt then, the building intensity of their link. A small bit of coherent clarity made the Doctor finally tone down before it became too much for either of them, easing off both with the onslaught of his lips and with his mind.

-:-:-:-

It was hard to tell how much time had passed, even for the Doctor. Their link had gradually tapered down, and they both sank heavily to their knees.

Rose felt as if she could barely breathe, laboring to pull air into her lungs.

The Doctor's forehead dropped to her shoulder, his own erratic breaths puffing over her skin. They stayed that way for several minutes, collecting their individual thoughts again, neither seeming able to even move.

The Doctor finally lifted his head to peer into her unfocused eyes as they slowly opened. Neither even knew what to say. The power of their minds joining on such a deep level had been overwhelming, leaving them both dazed in the aftermath. The Doctor had never experienced a connection like this with anyone, and it had reached a level that left him awestruck, if not a little concerned.

"A-are you okay, Rose?" he finally was able to ask, fearing that he had hurt her with his loss of control. The tumble to the floor, if nothing else.

She pulled in a breath, then another. "I…yeah. Yeah, I think so. It was just…_intense_. But yeah, 'm okay."

He swept a wisp of hair back from her face, then leaned in to brush a kiss to her jaw, lips lingering as he spoke. "You should rest. Your mind and your body need time to recover. I'll take you to bed."

Rose managed a weak laugh, still trying to find her breath. "I'd been counting on that. We got a little side-tracked though, didn't we?"

He pulled back a fraction, dark eyes nearly burning her. His reply stole the small bit of oxygen she'd managed to recover.

"The night isn't over, Rose."

Rose swallowed, glassy eyes now sharpening as they stayed trained on his. She went to stand but faltered, catching herself with a hand on his shoulder.

With more strength than he realized he still possessed, the Doctor helped a wobbling Rose to her feet and moved with her to the bed they'd not managed to make it to earlier. She leaned into his side as he swept the deep burgundy covers to the foot of the bed. Rose breathed in the scent of him that had always been unique to any other – like a fusion of every time and every season.

He guided her to lie down. Rose eased back and sank into the plush bedding. Her hand reached out and snagged his before he pulled away.

"Stay," she whispered, a question and a request made with a raspy voice.

He nodded, eyes not leaving hers. "I will. Just let me get the blanket."

She slipped her hand from his. He reached to the foot of the bed and took hold of the covers. He drew them up over her, then slid beneath them to join her on the bed. Like a magnet, her body sought and melded into his. He paused only a second before drawing her closer with a strong arm around her waist.

The contact, the sheer sensation of their bodies molded together as they lay in each other's arms was a rare treasure. Rose savored the moment, having only been together like this a scarce few times. It was divine, and as her body insisted on dragging her tired, spent mind into rejuvenating sleep, she resisted, wanting to experience even just this, held so closely by him.

"I'm here," he whispered across her temple in assurance as she curled in closer.

His vow to stay soothed her, and she finally allowed herself to succumb to some brief but much-needed rest, knowing that as much as they had shared, this night still held the promise of more.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N **If you skipped the two-part love scene posted separately to Teaspoon, this picks up directly after.

We're nearly there. Just two more chapters remaining to wrap this one up.

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**Chapter 20**

For the first time since sharing a bed with the Doctor, Rose woke to not only find him still in bed beside her, but he was actually asleep.

The soft, rosy glimmer of Paradise's early morning suns washed through the room, the muted glow chasing away the fleeting remnants of darkness. Even before her eyelids had opened to the first soft light of day, Rose's senses had told her the Doctor was still there, slumbering beside her. His unnamable scent, which encompassed every time and season and had lately become a lingering essence on her own skin, enveloped the space surrounding her. Rose breathed in deeply, filling her lungs with his essence. His body temperature, though cooler than her own, was also a tangible clue to his presence, his mild warmth ensconcing the place so close beside her that otherwise would have been cold and vacant.

She knew the Doctor was there. The evidence was unmistakable. But she needed to _see_ him to fully convince her newly-awakened mind that this was true, that this new life they now shared was real. Rose turned ever so gently to face him, propping herself on her forearm to get a better look at his face in this relaxed state, a sight she had rarely ever seen.

A swell of emotion grew in her throat even as a soft smile washed over her face. He was still here, just as he'd promised the night before. Not only had he been true to his word, but he had opened himself to Rose enough to finally let her see him asleep in bed in such an open and unguarded state. She savored the privilege, taking slow time to appreciate his fully-relaxed countenance.

She was struck by how much younger he appeared like this. Ancient eyes were closed and lids lined with fine, dark lashes, a lovely contrast against his fair skin. The freckles she adored dappled his cheeks, and his skin was smooth and free of the creases and crinkles that appeared when he frowned or smiled broadly. He was usually so vibrant and animated, this serenity a rare contrast. The only movement was that of his eyes as they twitched occasionally behind his lids, and she had a sense that for once his dreams were simply that. True dreams. Quiet visions of contentment rather than nightmares of destruction. She had seen the Doctor slumbering before in the midst of regeneration sickness, and again when recovering from the injuries he'd sustained in the TARDIS crash. But this was different.

He was at peace.

It was a sight Rose cherished. Her eyes flicked up from his face to his hair, which was in a current state of glorious disaster. It was all she could do to keep from disturbing his slumber by sinking her fingers deep into the soft chocolate strands. Beyond these lovely attributes she'd surveyed, Rose could see little else of him. Amused, she noted he was wrapped up tightly in the covers from the shoulders down. Rose smiled softly. She had just learned something new about sharing a bed with the Doctor. He was, quite apparently, a covers-stealer. He had three-fourths of the bed linens gathered up on his own side, evidence that when he _did_ sleep, he was accustomed to doing so alone. The intimate act of sharing a bed was foreign to him.

He was adapting, though. As Rose shifted in bed and procured a small section of the sheet to cover her own exposed skin, he had moved closer into the space she had occupied, as if he was unconsciously seeking and opening to her warmth.

Rose continued gazing at him, pondering her current options. It seemed almost criminal to wake him when he was enjoying such a rare moment of peaceful sleep. It was also criminal to let those soft pink lips, slack and slightly parted, go without being touched, tasted and adored by hers. Rose weighed the choices. Should she fervently kiss him awake and see how swiftly his ardor might match her own? Caress him softly, fingers sketching the relaxed, gorgeous features of his face and indulgently stroking his scalp until he gently woke? Or there was the third option. Continue to let him sleep, relishing this rare moment from afar. Not that there was much distance between them like this, but she knew how much closer they _could_ be.

Another possibility occurred to her. Rose chewed her bottom lip as she pondered this. She wondered if she would be able to touch him – not with lips or fingertips – but with her mind, as he had begun teaching her to eventually be capable of.

The prospect was luring her to at least try. Rose closed her eyes and focused all of her concentration inward, seeking out that elusive presence at the very edge of her conscious mind which she knew to be their link.

It was noticeably stronger now. It had settled from the intensity which had radiated forth when they had both been pouring their focus on the connection. But even though it had calmed, its newly-heightened strength was none the less tangible. Rose concentrated on reaching out towards the luminous essence of their bond, trying to draw her entire being even closer. She found this attempt to be more difficult on her own without the Doctor's joint effort to heighten the link. Rose strained with the mental exertion and found her awareness of their bond growing muddled and foggy as frustration became a hindering distraction.

Rose opened her eyes again, focusing back on his face. If her effort had any affect at all, it hadn't been enough to rouse him. She tried not to feel frustrated, though. They had already strengthened their shared connection beyond what had existed previously. Further deepening their bond might take time, but it was worth the effort if it could bring them even closer and give the Doctor a measure of what had been absent in his life for so long. For a telepathic being who had been able to feel his own people as a constant, steady presence, the emptiness he'd lived with since the War must have been utterly consuming. She had glimpsed just a touch of that cavernous abyss when he had allowed himself to open more fully to her.

Rose realized that she could never erase his pain or replace what he had lost, but she had felt a significant measure of what she _did_ bring to him the night before when his emotions had spilled over and enveloped her. Even still, the Doctor could scarcely bring himself to put it into words, but she knew that what he _felt_ for her deep within eclipsed any words that could ever possibly be spoken.

Her heart swelled to aching for this man. Unable to resist any longer, Rose reached her hand towards him and slid her fingers into his mussed hair. It was so thick and incredibly soft. She slipped her fingers indulgently through the dark, silken strands. On the second sweep, she sank a little deeper, her fingertips dragging across his scalp in a light but sensual caress. At that, he drew in a long, deep breath through his nose, his head instinctively turning into her hand, seeking out her touch.

One sleepy Time Lord eye cracked open, and Rose couldn't stop the slow, radiant smile that stole across her face as a wave of warmth spread through her body.

"Hey," she spoke softly, smile still firmly in place as both his eyes opened fully and focused on hers.

"Hi," he said croakily, his voice rough from sleep, and it was possibly the sexiest thing she'd heard. He cleared his throat as he blinked rapidly a few times, his Time sense re-acclimating to the present. "It's morning, so it seems. I must have fallen asleep," he said, almost sheepishly.

"You're allowed to do that once in a while, you know. Especially after…" Rose ducked her eyes and felt her cheeks blush with heat as her fingers left his hair and unconsciously curled around the sliver of sheet held to her chest.

She looked back to him as he noted her flushed reaction. Instead of changing the subject or lapsing into a silent moment of awkwardness, he faced it head-on. She watched as the right side of his mouth curved upward in a deliberate smirk. He was actually smirking. Rather cockily.

"You mean especially after…testing the very limits of our mental and physical capacities in the most intensely pleasurable of ways? Several. Notable. Successive. Times." he supplied for her.

Rose shrugged a bare shoulder, attempting to remain composed. "Sounds pretty accurate," she agreed coyly.

"I think it's possible you wore me out," he husked, easing himself up to her level.

She inevitably leaned in closer, her own voice dropping low. "And are you fully recovered now?"

He casually dropped back down to the pillow, pressing his tongue to the back of his upper teeth as he gazed toward the ceiling and appeared to ponder the question. "Weeell, I would say yes, but for the sake of accuracy perhaps we best test that assertion." He shifted his eyes back to hers, fixing her with his dark gaze.

Rose didn't think she would _ever_ become accustomed to this side of him. "Hmm," she hummed, reaching out and dragging a finger across the morning stubble of his jaw before whispering silkily, "However could we do that?" Rose then rolled close and finally pressed her lips to his, pliant and yielding and still a touch swollen, as were hers.

The Doctor gave in without hesitation, a hand slipping around to cradle the back of her head and provide the perfect angle for the merging of tongues. He kissed her like a man who craved it and like a man who _could_. The question she had asked the night before came back to both their minds – _why had they ever made things so complicated?_

In moments such as this, both found themselves almost forgetting that it ever had been. This connection between them was not only as unstoppable, but also as natural as a force of nature. As their kiss deepened, their mental link did the same. The Doctor nearly trembled from the sensation of once again being linked to another living being. And if their bond continued to increase in strength, they would be closer still. He could literally breathe words into her very soul from afar.

He pulled Rose closer, easing her with gentle urging to drape her body over his. She went willingly, the meager sheet which separated her from him falling away. He pulled back from the kiss long enough to gaze at her above him, his expression a fusion of perplexity and wonder. Maybe he had become hopelessly and dangerously beguiled by this woman, but she almost seemed to have an ethereal quality as her entire being glowed in the soft light of dawn, her supple skin luminous and tousled hair a golden halo.

His questing hands re-acquainted him with the contoured dips and supple curves of her body and the subsequent sounds each touch could elicit. The rising passion was an unremitting burn and its surge inevitable, but both felt the need to be infinitely gentle this time, to cherish the other and savor each second. Both wondered if they could ever manage to make love and maintain enough control to actually be slow and gentle. They hadn't managed it yet.

Now seemed like an excellent time to practice.

-:-:-:-

The next time Rose woke a few hours later, the Doctor was already awake against her. Their legs were wrapped together in an intimate tangle, his chest serving as her pillow and the rhythm of his hearts a lullaby. She savored the moment, breathing deeply of his scent, her eyes remaining closed. She knew he was aware that she had woken. His arms tightened around her in greeting, but both remained quiet in the hushed intimacy of the moment.

Rose reflected on their most recent lovemaking which had preceded her luxurious sleep. She marveled at just how gentle he had been with her. The tenderness of making slow, painstakingly-thorough love had brought tears to her eyes. The fervor of the previous night had been followed by achingly-gentle in these serene hours of the morning.

An indulgent smile pulled at her relaxed lips as she thought of how their previous awkwardness at initiating intimacy had most certainly vanished. Rose stretched contentedly in his arms at the memory of their uninhibited passion. Muscles that had gone unused for quite some time had recently been getting a thorough and overdue workout. She wasn't in the least complaining.

Her eyes finally opened, lifted to meet his, and they exchanged revealing smiles. They both remained quiet, though. Their eyes communicated enough. The Doctor's hand stroked leisurely up the length of her left arm and across the span of her back, the hypnotic rhythm nearly lulling her back to blissful sleep.

As she lay in his arms, Rose reflected on this man she loved and all that he was. This was the only thought she was capable of forming in such a moment, really. It was nearly impossible to remember a time when she _didn't_ love him. He'd held her heart long before he had even transformed into his current self. She wondered if he truly knew. She had told his former self as much, and he'd seemed to scarcely believe it.

No words had been needed in the satisfied silence, but suddenly Rose felt as if she needed to reaffirm this. She wasn't sure what made her blurt this out. Maybe it was because they'd had enough of things going unspoken between them to last a lifetime.

"I love you," she began on a whisper. He tightened his arms around her in response, his chest rising as he drew in a long breath. "But I loved you before, too, you know? Before you changed. I loved you even then. So much. I always have."

"I know," he answered her thickly. "I didn't deserve you then _or_ now."

Rose lifted up a bit to get a good look at him. "Rubbish. When are you gonna stop believing that?"

He contemplated his answer. "Why don't we just call a truce on the matter?" he suggested lightly, his tone a contrast to the weight in his eyes.

Rose shook her head in resignation. One obstacle at a time, she thought.

Her mind flitted ahead to the next thought. One that had been recurrent over the past several weeks since their unexpected marriage and bonding. Rose trailed a hand down his side as she settled back in closer. "I keep feeling like this – all this, you and me – is still so hard to believe," she confessed.

"I know the feeling," he admitted. "But we'll try to keep taking it slow with strengthening the bond. It's not a quick, simple process, but it's been happening so much faster than I anticipated. I don't want this to be too overwhelming for you all at once, though. Just tell me if it gets to be too much too soon."

"It isn't," she assured him. "But if it ever starts to feel that way then I'll tell you, and we can slow down. We're good at taking things slow," she added with a wry smile.

There was a pause of silence between them. "I needed time," he finally admitted, voice falling quiet. "I expect I'll still need time to fully adjust to all this, I suppose."

Her eyes and her voice were soft. "I know. And it's okay. We're learning...together."

He answered with a slight smile and barely-perceptible nod.

There had been a question on Rose's mind ever since their impromptu marriage, and she felt that maybe things were open just enough between them now to ask this, albeit tentatively.

"If things hadn't happened for us the way they did, do you think…do you think we would have ever gotten to this point eventually?"

The Doctor contemplated her question carefully. He knew she would like to hear him answer with an assured '_Yes_.' But what she sought from him was the truth.

"I don't know," he finally answered. "I certainly never planned to let this happen." His words temporarily stung, but there was such open honesty in his eyes, and she needed that from him. "But then, that's life. The unplanned things are a part of what makes it…"

"Magnificent?" she supplied with youthful whimsy.

"Terrifying," he answered with aged experience. His somber face softened. "_And_ magnificent. Can't always have one without the other, it seems. The never-ending trade-off…" He roused himself and refocused on her query. "But who's to say what would or wouldn't have happened in a different sort of future? Some things are a mystery, even for a Time Lord. Maybe especially for a Time Lord. There's so much to see, so much to know; and sometimes it's…too much. The infinite possibilities, what could be, what must not..."

"But you're glad this happened, right?" she couldn't help but seek to reconfirm.

He didn't answer right away, and for a few breathless seconds she feared his answer. His eyes were searing and his voice low when he finally replied with one word.

"Yes."

A slow, consuming smile blossomed to life on her face. "Me too. And I wouldn't change a thing that's happened between us to bring us to where we are. And no matter what, I think that now we'll always be okay, you an' me."

Rose wished for once she could make that declaration without his countenance darkening. She wasn't going to attempt to prod him into agreement this time with, _'Don't you reckon, Doctor?'_ Maybe it was youthful fancy, but if she had to be the one to believe it for both of them then she would. There were times she could tell he was still protecting himself – preparing himself for something inevitable. But as far as she was concerned, that was a very long ways off. Until then, she would do what she could to keep him living in the here and now. He needed that from her.

That was currently a difficult job to accomplish, judging by the look of deep reflection on his face. Rose lifted her finger and smoothed out the indented frown line between his drawn brows.

"You look about nine hundred when you do that."

He chuckled softly. "Are you calling me _old_, Rose Tyler?"

"I'm calling you a worrier."

Ordinarily Rose would let such a moment go. She would give the Doctor space to either open up to her about what was on his mind or deal with it privately. Right now though, she sensed that this was something he needed to get out into the open but required a gentle push.

Venturing forward, Rose gave him that soft nudge. "Do you want to talk about it? You don't have to. But…sometimes it helps."

"And sometimes it doesn't," he countered stubbornly.

Rose sighed, but was prepared to let it drop.

Inhaling deeply, he turned on his side to be fully toward her, their faces inches apart and his voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm thinking about being here before – with you, in my past. Everything could have been undone because of that. It was similar on Zobulan. We could have chosen to walk away from it all and have it erased, in the end. The universe has given us so many chances to undo this. To take a different path. To turn back." He cast his eyes off to the side, as if trying to peer into the shrouded, distant future. "It makes me afraid of what might lie ahead."

Her words drew his gaze back. "Whatever comes our way, tomorrow or a hundred tomorrows from now, we'll face it together. Same as always."

"And what if we can't?"

Rose contemplated his painfully-honest question. There was really only one answer. "Whatever tomorrow holds, _today_ was worth it."

Maybe it was the shimmer of the morning light reflecting in his eyes, but the source of their glimmer looked suspiciously like tears.

"Yeah?" he softly whispered, daring to hope she wouldn't be worse off because of him some day.

Rose recalled the words once spoken to her by a very wise woman. '_Some things are worth getting your heart broken for.'_

"Yes."

He pulled her close once more, arms encircling her as he tucked her head beneath his chin. He drew comfort and peace from all that she was and would always be.

"Doctor?" Rose finally put forth cautiously after a few moments of deep silence. "Do you remember once saying something about a storm that was approaching?"

His hold around her tightened noticeably as his mind fell back to a night sky filled with exploding fireworks and the air heavy with a foreboding chill that had seeped into his bones.

"Yes," he finally replied, voice tight.

"I think it's already come." She propped herself up to look into his face. "It was you."

He blinked. "Me?"

"The Oncoming Storm," she smiled. "Came here…a brooding paradox in leather…caused a little thunder…"

Taking advantage of his mystified expression, she leaned in and kissed him thoroughly.

He responded after a beat, hands gliding through her hair and guiding the angle of their lips to grant him full access.

He did not tell her that she was wrong – that he could still feel a storm somewhere on the horizon. If the Doctor focused on all the potential disturbances in their path, he would never have a single moment of peace; and the moments like this, here and now, would be lost.

She could sense his lingering fears, and yet he was still allowing himself to be open to this, open to her, open to potential pain. That was because what they had in this moment was worth whatever the cost may be, he had finally settled.

Rose was suddenly consumed with such love for him that she could scarcely contain it. She didn't want to just vocalize it or try to express it with physical actions. She wanted him to _feel_ it from within. As the ardor of their kiss intensified, she sought, almost instinctively, the pulsing energy within her mind which she knew to be him. She reached for it with all of her focus, all of her energy, every fiber of her being and with a single thought: _I love you…_

The Doctor's intake of breath as he broke away was so sharp, she instantly feared she had done something wrong. They both sat up, their eyes meeting, his wide and stunned.

His mind was going into overdrive trying to process what had just happened. Their link had not even been in a heightened state. In fact, he had dulled it since the night before so she would not be overwhelmed by its prolonged intensity. Which meant she should _not_ have been able to do what she just did on her own.

"Rose, did you…did you just…?"

"I…I'm sorry. I wanted to touch you – in your mind. Wanted to tell you and to let you _feel_ what I felt for you. But did I do it…wrong somehow?"

His eyes were still wide as satellites. "Rose, you…you're…amazing," he breathed out. "Completely and totally and brilliantly _amazing_!"

He swooped forward and rained kisses upon her face – her forehead, eyelids, nose, cheeks, lips – while murmuring words of awe and reciprocating the touch she had placed upon their bond. His whispered words were no longer in her ears but in her mind. He whispered upon her mind in his native language, ancient words enveloping her very being and washing over her like a song.

He had already come to this realization, but never had it been more clear than in this very moment. He no longer wanted to hold back for a single second of their life together. He wanted to embrace all that they could ever have and could ever be. Not just now, in this single snatch of time. Not just in moments of surrendered passion. But always.

And when they moved on from this place, he was going to have a single objective in mind for each and every destination. Every place he took Rose was going to steal her breath away. The birth of new galaxies, the rising of civilizations, even the trips that were extraordinary simply in their exquisite simplicity – not a second would be lost or taken for granted. They would experience it all and waste nothing. Not a moment.

The Doctor had recently been given such a vivid remembrance of his past, and he had _needed_ that stark reminder. He remembered the regretful words he had once spoken when Time was counting down…

'_Rose Tyler. I was going to take you to so many places…'_

He vowed here and now that he was _not_ going to have that same regret again one day. When they had accepted and begun attempting to build upon this new relationship, he had been so unsure of where to even go from there, literally and figuratively.

Now he knew.

Where were they going as they embarked on this new journey? They were going everywhere and anywhere, and every single fraction of each second they shared together was going to be…_fantastic_. He wasn't going to lose today by looking past it into tomorrow.

The Doctor was ready to run again. But only with Rose Tyler by his side.

_That_, two opposite yet perfectly matched lovers agreed, was an arrangement they could live with.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N** One last day in Paradise and a glimpse ahead. We're nearly there, folks! Just the epilogue remaining.

* * *

**Chapter 21**

The Doctor and Rose were soon ready to move forward, in every respect. While their latest trip together had not begun as an ideal honeymoon by any means, it had become exactly what they'd needed. In the end, the difficulties they had encountered – though certainly not desired at the time – had served to make them stronger. That, they both realized, was the key to any relationship's progress and growth – learning to cross obstacles together and move forward.

It was now their last day on the leisure planet of Paradise. They had stayed a few extra days and finally gotten around to seeing some of the more exotic sights and attractions the planet had to offer. It had become very close to the honeymoon Rose had once fantasized of, but not because of the idyllic location, colorful activities or even the unleashed desire, but rather due to the degree of inner closeness they had achieved during this time together, once all else had been stripped away.

As pleasurable as their few days of 'proper honeymooning' had been, their mutual wanderlust was making them anxious for new horizons, dangers and adventures; though both knew this new facet of their relationship would undoubtedly change the dynamic of their typical routine. Unquestionably for the better, though. Sharing mad adventures by day and unbridled passion by night – _why_ had their relationship not consisted of this ideal combination all along?

Without question, they were both ready for the continuation of this new journey. But before moving on from here, they still had one last stop to make. Rose needed to say goodbye to Jaise, the unlikely friend she had found under unexpected circumstances. She couldn't leave this place without giving her newfound friend proper thanks. And doing so would provide the chance for the Doctor to clear the air a bit as well.

The Doctor had not made the best of impressions on the man from the start. And although he would not admit to it, the Doctor felt a certain touch of jealously toward this person who had become close to Rose in his absence. The emotion was irrational, he knew. But that was the trouble with some of the more volatile emotions – the ones he'd tried to ignore but had now learned was a futile endeavor when it came to Rose.

He couldn't deny feeling grateful that Jaise had been supportive of Rose when she'd needed it, though. Determined to keep that appreciation in mind, the Doctor accompanied Rose to say farewell.

"He's really a great person, you know," Rose commented as they strolled together in the bright light of mid-afternoon. The two made their way down Serenity District's main boulevard toward the Guest Services Complex. "I'm sure you two would have gotten on really well if you'd had the chance to get to know each other better."

"I'm sure we would have," the Doctor responded with a little too much cheer. "We would have been best mates in no time. Thick as thieves, us two." He plastered on a grin and aimed it in her direction. It slipped as Rose eyed him knowingly. "I never disliked the man in the first place," he continued, defending himself against the look in her eyes that suggested otherwise. "What? I didn't! I've only encountered him twice, after all. That's hardly enough time to form a permanent opinion. Didn't seem to stop him, though," he grumbled.

"I don't think he permanently dislikes you, Doctor. It's just that you didn't exactly make the best first impression," Rose explained.

He gaped at her in disbelief. "I _always_ make an unrivaled first impression!" She smirked. "Well…perhaps 'unrivaled' might be just a wee bit of an overstatement. There are some cultures that are just naturally hostile and those that even have a severe aversion to charm. Hardly my fault. But! 99.9% of the time my outstanding record on making dazzling first impressions goes without saying." He sniffed, then glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "Just what was wrong with my first impression, anyway?"

Rose fought back a snicker, but replied matter-of-factly. "Well, you began by landing in an undesignated area because you never bother to heed arrival protocols, didn't apologize or offer to immediately move, hadn't registered ahead, and you came off as a bit of a…Know-It-All."

He stopped walking and turned to her. "Rose, I _am_ a Know-It-All," he said in all seriousness.

She smiled sweetly. "I rest my case."

He frowned, then muttered, "Well, I am. I'm simply honest about it."

Rose continued, humor now aside. "Then after you left, he related to what I was going through because he'd been through something similar."

The Doctor grew somber. "Rose, if I could somehow change what happened without damaging the timeline, then I would do it in a nanosecond."

"I know you would," she assured him. "That's over and we've moved past it. But when it looked like you'd left intentionally and might not come back, it reminded Jaise of what had happened to him in a previous relationship. He loved someone once, but it ended badly and left him hurt. Losing what he'd once had left him with scars, and it damaged his opinion of relationships in general, I think."

"That happens quite often, unfortunately," the Doctor answered quietly, eyes distant.

Rose reached out for his hand and twined her fingers with his, drawing him back to the present. "But sometimes even scars can fade."

He looked at her, eyes softening. "Yeah. Sometimes."

They turned together and began walking again.

The two reached the Guest Services Complex and made their way to the Registration hub. It was there they found Jaise at his station, not currently occupied with guests and free to talk for a moment. He looked up, smiling warmly at Rose, then with a little more effort, at the Doctor.

"I take it you've now finally had a chance to see all Paradise has to offer," he said to Rose by way of greeting, having not seen her for a few days but knowing the reason why.

"Oh, and then some," the Doctor interjected in a low timbre. "Including many private activities that others on Paradise would not be privileged to enjoy…"

Rose was torn between wanting to jab the Doctor in the ribs or snog him senseless for that suggestive and slightly possessive undertone to his words.

Jaise fought the urge to roll his eyes and instead directed his comment once again to Rose. "I can't say you won't be missed, but I assume you're ready to check out," he surmised with a fond smile as he stepped forward.

Rose smiled back. "Yeah. It's time for us to move on." He nodded. "But Jaise, I just wanted to say thank you, for so much. Including the job, of course. You took a chance on me, and I appreciate it."

"You don't have to thank me. You were a valuable addition here and more than earned your position. And you'll have a place here anytime if you ever want or need it." Rose moved forward and gave him a hug. The Doctor hung a step back, tamping down a lingering swell of jealousy and giving them space for goodbye. "Are you sure you're ready to go?" Jaise asked her quietly. He trusted her judgment, but was still a little wary of the Doctor.

Rose pulled back and nodded. She then reached back for the Doctor's hand and gently tugged him up to stand beside her. "Yes. I'm definitely ready. And do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"You took a chance on me for this position. Be willing to take a chance again on someone else, too. And I'm not talkin' about for the job. I'm talkin' about in life." He shifted, gaze briefly dropping. "No relationship is ever perfect and not everyone is meant to be, in the end. But if you truly find the right person, any rough spots along the way are worth it. Just…let yourself be open again. That's all."

Jaise didn't make any kind of commitment nor even nod, but he did seem to at least consider her words. Rose sensed that in some mad way, her relationship with the Doctor had actually served as an example that loving someone didn't always end in ruin, despite difficulties.

The Doctor cleared his throat, feeling spectacularly out of his element, but at least putting forth an effort. "I'm…er…not even going to attempt to give relationship advice. But…what Rose said is right." He continued then, offering the words he knew were due. "And I wanted to thank you, too. For being here for Rose when I wasn't."

Jaise paused, but then replied. "I'm glad I could help, but I think we both know Rose can handle herself just fine on her own. She's strong and knows her own mind." The Doctor almost, _almost_ bristled just slightly at the man's familiar knowledge of Rose's inner nature. How could he object, though? Jaise was right. He continued, his words forming a sort of truce. "And…if she's willing to give you another chance, then maybe you deserve slightly better than my initial opinion."

The Doctor answered with sober honesty and a wry, if not tight smile. "I doubt if I do. But thanks just the same."

"We'll be back," Rose said, breaking some of that residual tension. "We can stop by and visit now and then. I'd like that."

The Doctor tugged on the lobe of his left ear as he offered, "And I'll try to be a little more…precise when it comes to the landing the next time."

"That'd be a first," Rose muttered with a smirk.

Jaise had to give a short laugh at that. Did the Doctor mean with arrival protocols or with his timing? Either way, he would definitely do well to improve in both regards. Jaise offered a suggestion. "Or maybe you should let Rose be the pilot now and then. She's more than capable."

The Doctor paused to consider that recommendation. He realized the idea had quite a bit of merit. "Perhaps so…"

A group of new arrivals began filtering in and Jaise would soon need to return to work.

With parting words having been made, Rose waved a final goodbye and the Doctor gave a lax salute as they both turned and left.

They made their way back through the luminous glass complex, past the bustle of the group of new guests who were streaming in to register. The main doors obligingly slid open wide as the Doctor and Rose stepped back outside into the bright light of a new day, with the waiting TARDIS as their immediate destination.

Rose turned to the Doctor, drawing in a deep, invigorating breath. "Next stop everywhere?" she asked with an adventurous gleam in her warm caramel eyes.

His grin started out slow, then finally overtook and lit every feature of his exuberant face. "Oh, yes!"

-:-:-:-

Many months had passed since that stage of new beginnings, and time found Rose on a distant locale halfway across the galaxy, ambling along at a leisurely pace as she moved past various vendors selling everything from Venusian crisps to sentient pet plants. She didn't even have a clue how far away she was from Earth. It didn't matter. It never did. Home was the TARDIS and the man who occupied it with her. Regardless of the planet or constellation she found herself on from day to day, home was never far.

With a delight that had yet to fade, she absorbed the sights and sounds of all manner of cultures and species as they bartered and traded around her. To her right, Rose gave a wide berth to a woman who looked alarmingly similar to a Klingon and was taking a few practice swipes with a newly-purchased sickle, while up ahead, a humanoid alien male bartered rather animatedly for some type of gizmo that looked like a ridiculous cross between a coat hanger and a retro radio. The alien male in question happened to be the Doctor.

Rose grinned as she watched him. He would sometimes whinge when she proclaimed she wanted to go shopping, but she knew the Doctor secretly enjoyed it as much as she did. And leave it to him to find a bazaar located on an asteroid.

Rose didn't really have anything in particular in mind she was looking for while here. Sometimes half the fun was just in seeing what was out there. She _did_ have it in the back of her mind that maybe she should get a gift of some kind for her mum, though.

Thanks to life on the TARDIS, some aspects of time were relative; but Rose knew they were overdue to pay a visit to Jackie again. Their last stopover hadn't gone entirely well. They had parted on good terms, all things considered. But Rose had hopes that the next visit would be a bit smoother for all concerned.

Still, it wouldn't hurt to bring back a little token as a peace offering. Rose thought she might have found just the thing as she stopped at one of the stalls to get a closer look at a curious little piece that caught her eye. It was a small bronze-colored bauble that fit in the palm of her hand and was rather pretty, too. She didn't have a clue as to its purpose, but it intrigued her none the less.

"_Ah, now there's an interesting choice." _

Rose startled at the sound of Doctor's words spoken into her mind. She turned and saw him sauntering toward her, hands in the pockets of his long tan coat and a relaxed smile playing easily on his face. She didn't think she would ever grow accustomed to being linked on such a level.

They had continued making progress in strengthening their bond. She was getting even more adept at transmitting her feelings, and had even been able to learn to echo words into his mind when touching physically, as she had done that memorable morning together when imparting her love. And due to the increasing strength of their connection, they had reached a level where the Doctor could reach forth and speak to her inwardly from afar, as he was currently practicing.

"I may never get used to that," Rose said with a smile and slight shake of her head as he reached her and drew to a stop.

"Are you saying I hold your interest, then?" he asked lightly, hand seeking and slipping into hers.

"Only just," she replied playfully, tongue touching the corner of her lips, grabbing his focus. She held up the item she was considering for purchase, pulling his attention back toward it and away from her distracting lips and tongue. "What is this?"

He plucked it from her hand and tossed it once in the air, catching it again with ease. "Ohhh, it could be a great many things. A decorative ornament – you know, the type of thing people put on mantels or display tables or those brilliant little marvels known as curio cabinets. I love a good curio cabinet! On a more boring note it could also be used as a paper weight. Or in a pinch, it could be used to defeat an angry Sycorax leader if one didn't happen to have a Satsuma handy. And then, there's its intended purpose, which is to be used as an instrument to tell the weather. It has the ability to vary its temperature according to current weather patterns. It's made of a rare metal called Bazoolium."

"You think Mum would like it?" Rose asked, hopeful.

The Doctor began to give an automatic reply in the affirmative when the implication of Rose's question caught up to him. He stopped mid-word, mouth clicking shut. This meant it was time to face Jackie Tyler again.

He finally answered in as brave a tone as he could muster. "Only one way to find out, I suppose."

She squeezed his hand and smiled, silently thanking him for being willing. Cooperative, at least.

Rose made the purchase, and soon she and the Doctor were walking hand-in-hand through the open air bazaar, re-tracing their earlier path as they made the short journey back to where the TARDIS sat waiting.

Rose suddenly drew to a stop, and the Doctor looked at her questioningly. She gazed down at the small trinket in her hand, her expression thoughtful.

"I'm sure she'll like it, Rose," he reassured her, hoping Rose hadn't become dissatisfied with it, which would mean they'd be traversing the universe to find the perfect gift. He didn't mind a little shopping now and then (not that he'd admit it), but engaging in said activity more than once in the same day would quickly become monotonous.

"Yeah, she probably will," Rose murmured. She looked back up at him. "But let's not find out today."

He cocked his head to the side, trying to understand, and not for the first time, the whims of human females. "I thought you wanted to go see your mum."

"I do," she confirmed. "It's just that…" Rose shrugged. "I dunno. I guess I just want to stay with you – just the two of us – for a bit longer. Just you an' me. That okay?"

His answering smile was infinitely soft. "Yeah. More than okay. I think that's brilliant, actually."

He swept her into his arms in an enveloping hug, lifting her off the ground and twirling her before he sat her back on her feet, both laughing with glee. He took her hand again, swinging it merrily between them as they continued on.

"Have I ever taken you to Oz?" he asked cheerily. "The planet, not the dream state. Oh, those munchkins know how to party! Mind you, there's a witch with a nasty disposition to look out for. And while their yellow brick road isn't the most advanced highway system in the universe, it _is_ fun for skipping. Have we ever skipped, Rose? It stands to reason we'd be naturals, considering our talent for hopping. Oh! And then there's the Emerald City. Could send your mum a postcard. They're collector's items in the 71st century, you know."

She rolled her eyes. "Now you're just havin' me on."

He looked affronted. "No! I'm serious. Where do you think the inspiration for _The Wizard of Oz_ came from, hmm? I once traveled with L. Frank Baum."

"Well, there's only one way for you to prove it to me," Rose answered with an impish grin, very much like the one the Doctor was now giving her.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

Their shared laughter faded to a dimming echo as they boarded the TARDIS, ready for the next adventure.

The Bazoolium could wait.


	22. Epilogue

**A/N **Thank you to each one who has taken the time to review with such lovely comments throughout. This story was a pleasure to create, thanks to you.

The ending was a difficult one to write, I must admit, but hopefully will also convey a bit of hope. This story began with the intention of laying the foundation for a post-Doomsday AU, which is already in the drafting stage. So I can assure you that the Doctor and Rose's journey in this 'verse does not end here. There will be much more to come for these two with additional stories in the near future, the first of which will be titled _Minutes and Hours. _I'll see you then!

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**Epilogue**

"_Rose…" _

The haunting whisper echoed through her dreams – calling, searching, beckoning.

_Rose…"_

Still it continued, and even in sleep, her mind saw with vivid clarity the man whose voice was reaching out from afar.

Within her dream stood a wall – starkly and sickeningly white. He stood before that wall, his hands outstretched toward hers. But as she moved forward, as she grasped with a desperate hand to reach him, he faded through to the other side and vanished like a tendril of smoke. All that remained was the unrelenting barrier between them. In a futile effort, she beat her fists against the object that cruelly represented the impenetrable barricade between two universes, the dividing rod that had sliced through her heart and left it in fragments.

"_Rose…"_

The voice rang out louder one final time, and she awoke with a gasp.

Rose lurched upright in bed, breathing heavily into the silence. The darkened room was empty. She was alone. It had been another dream, the likes of which had haunted her since their separation. Yet this time it had seemed _so_ real. It was as if his voice had spoken directly into her mind, through their bond, on the deepest possible level. The closeness they had attained through their link had become capable of reaching across distances. Perhaps it had just achieved the greatest distance yet.

When working to strengthen their bond, neither had foreseen it one day being used for this purpose. A means to one last farewell.

As her sleep-addled mind began to rapidly clear, Rose knew without a doubt that it _had_ been real. She wouldn't have thought it possible, but he had reached across the divide of two universes and spoken to her from within.

The Doctor was calling her.

-:-:-:-

It had taken little convincing of Jackie, Pete and Mickey to pack up and drive in the direction of the voice, the direction the Doctor had whispered into her mind. Few may truly understand the connection the two shared, but these three knew the Doctor well enough not to question the story's validity _or_ Rose's sanity.

They left that very night.

Rose followed his voice, across the water, for hundreds and hundreds of miles, because he was calling her.

The journey to Norway was filled with near-unbearable anticipation. Would she actually be able to see him again? Was it somehow possible that he was coming for her? Or was this their goodbye? Rose knew what she desperately wanted to believe, but her heart knew what was true.

As she drew ever closer, Rose could sense the very place where she was meant to be, where this journey reached its conclusion. She found herself standing upon a wind-swept beach, the gray sky reflecting the color which engulfed her soul. He was near. She could feel it. Near, but not near enough.

Rose sensed him before she saw him. He had appeared beside her. She turned, and there he stood like a hazy apparition, a wisp that would blow away on the wind at any moment.

She needed to know if he was even real, if he was really here. Had he come for her? Could he return her to where she so desperately belonged? The fact that he had not gathered her in his arms the moment he appeared gave her the answer she feared. But still she needed to know. Rose turned fully toward him, their eyes meeting and locking in the only embrace they were allowed.

"Where are you?" was the brave question she succeeded to put forth. She did not break down or allow herself to be silenced by the sob that threatened to choke her. She was determined to stay strong for him.

His answering voice was but a faint echo. "Inside the TARDIS. There's one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I'm in orbit around a supernova." His words lingered on the wind before continuing, the pain mounting in his voice as he finished. "I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."

Rose fought back the sickening bile that rose in her throat upon hearing the one word that was never meant to apply to them.

_Goodbye_

"You look like a ghost," she managed to murmur. She didn't know what else to say, really. But maybe this was fitting for the man who would forever haunt her life.

"Hold on," he directed softly, then pulled out the sonic screwdriver, aimed it at the console within the TARDIS and thus strengthened the projection.

Rose moved closer then, first one step, then another, not stopping until they were face-to-face. She ached to reach into his mind and be immersed in him, and their bond had progressed to where she herself could accomplish this through touch. She lifted her hand out toward him with hesitation, as if he might shatter or slip away as he had in her dreams. There was no way, no humanly-possible way she could convey everything she held in her heart through words. She needed to touch him, to initiate the physical connection that would allow her to _show_ him, to speak into his mind.

Her hand rose toward his temple but hovered before touching. "Can I…?"

"I'm still just an image," he answered with soft regret. He knew the restriction this would place on her link to him. "No touch."

She died a little more in that instant. This would _not_ do, she wanted to rage. She needed to touch him, to hold him, to have his hand in hers and thoughts joined as one. "Can't you come through properly?" she nearly pleaded.

His eyes were pools of deep sorrow and regret. "The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse."

"So?"

He laughed briefly at her glorious impudence in the face of the universe's rules, but a part of him screamed the same question. Even if two universes were to shatter, might it be worth the risk to have Rose again? Desperately needing to distract himself from such dangerous thoughts that could drive him to insanity or universal destruction, he lifted his eyes to survey their surroundings. "Where are we? Where did the gap come out?"

"We're in Norway," she answered, eyes still fixed on his, not daring to even blink and lose a single second.

He nodded. "Norway. Right."

"About fifty miles out of Bergen," she continued, drawing a shaking breath. "It's called Dårlig Ulv Stranden."

His eyes darkened with alarm, the name twisting like a knife in his gut. "Dalek?"

"Dår_-LIG_," she hastened to correct. "It's Norwegian for 'bad.'" His brow was still furrowed, the name settling uneasily. "This translates as Bad Wolf Bay."

Both released a short laugh of irony, but sobered almost immediately.

Rose couldn't stop her voice from breaking with the next question. It was one she never imagined she would ask because she thought she knew the answer as surely as her own name. They were supposed to have _forever_.

"How long have we got?"

His gentle voice was tinged with anguish. "About two minutes."

"I can't think of what to say!" she blurted out. She was the one who always had the words when they had both needed them, but now words escaped her. Not because they were few, but because they were _far_ too many. How could she possibly fit what was supposed to be a lifetime full of declarations, promises, phrases of significance and simplicity – all contained within her heart for him – into two fleeting minutes?

The Doctor released a short laugh only to keep from sobbing. So much to say but neither of them able. Because 'goodbye' was not supposed to be a part of their vocabulary. He cast his eyes off into the distance, finding some small comfort in knowing that at least Rose was not alone in this world which now held her captive.

"You've still got Mr. Mickey, then," he noted, fighting one last sharp twinge of jealousy, as he always did when thinking of the possibility of Rose with any man other than himself.

"There's five of us now," she quickly deflected, not wanting him to start down the path of even considering her ever being with another, but she did not have the precious time to chastise him for that. Instead she diverged from that topic, and also allowed him to know this one last thing about her family, at least. "Mum, dad, Mickey and…the baby."

His eyes went wide with sheer disbelief, followed immediately by twisting pain. This wasn't something that was supposed to even be possible for them. But then, he could see this final coil of irony being his fate. Yet another life stolen from him.

His hushed voice was barely audible. "You're not...?"

"No," Rose assured him, realizing then what he must have thought. She released a small laugh while trying to keep her sanity. If she _could_ have somehow had his baby, would it have made this better or exceedingly worse? That was something they would never know. "It's Mum," Rose continued, the Doctor releasing a breath of relief tainted with perhaps just a touch of conflicted disappointment. "She's three months gone. More Tylers on the way."

His eyes only briefly left hers to glace off at Jackie and process this news, before fastening again to where they belonged. "And what about you? Are you...?" He trailed off, unsure of where to even begin. _Are you okay? Are you living a fantastic life? What will you do and become that I can never be a part of or see? _

"Yeah, I'm…I'm back working in the shop," she answered in jest, a desperate tactic to lighten the moment before it killed them both.

"Oh, good for you," he replied dully. But then he realized it didn't matter what she did, really. She was his Rose, and anything she undertook in life would be nothing short of brilliant.

"Shut up," she quipped, falling into that achingly-familiar banter for a fraction of a second before clarifying. "No, I'm not. There's still a Torchwood on this planet…it's open for business." The tears began to fall in earnest then as she looked into the eyes of her husband, the man who was still such a mystery yet the one she knew better than any other living soul. "I think I know a thing or two about aliens..."

Pride bubbled up in him. _This_ was his Rose. The woman who had gathered her resolve in the midst of his unexpected absence and taken charge of her situation rather than letting it crush her. This was who she was. Who she had always been. Who she would always be.

"Rose Tyler. Defender of the Earth."

He stared at her for several moments. His chest tightened to the point that it became painful to breathe as he thought of the life she had ahead of her, contrasted with what remained of her life in the universe she had lost. There, Rose Tyler was but a memory.

"You're dead, officially, back home," he stated bluntly. She needed to know. "So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on the list of the dead." Their hearts could only shatter into so many pieces here and now before there would be nothing left, so he added the only consolation he had in this entire situation. "Yet here you are. Living a life, day after day." His joy was short-lived with the bitter reality of his next words. "The one adventure I can never have."

Rose finally broke down then, an anguished sob escaping her. It could not end like this. Not for them. "Am I ever gonna see you again?"

The two words he gave in reply nearly killed him, his throat constricting as he forced them out. "You can't."

"What are you gonna do?" she cried, desperately hoping that somehow, _somehow_ he would still be okay.

What _would_ he do? He would become what he had always been, with loss the only constant in his life. "Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords," he answered with as much strength as he could possibly summon.

Her voice cracked as the thought of his loneliness overwhelmed her. She still had her family. He had no one. "On your own?"

He nodded, his pain tangible.

Their time was nearly gone, and if there was just one parting phrase to leave him with, there was only one option for her. "I lo–" Rose choked on the words. She had thought she could assure him of this every single day for the rest of her life. Now it was the final time she ever could, and she resolved to say it, even if this single fact served to make the pain of their separation unbearable. "I _love_ you."

He swallowed thickly, forcing down the excruciating pain rising from his hearts and into his throat as he attempted to give her one last smile. "Quite right, too."

Rose nodded and smiled faintly, having lost the battle with her tears.

The Doctor knew he could not let it end there. He was suddenly overcome with regret for not taking every opportunity to say this when he had the chance. He had said it once. Just once. And that was not nearly enough. The only thing capable of easing the regret was the desperate hope that, during the time they had been allowed, he had adequately _shown_ her. "And I suppose...if this is my last chance to say it..." His eyes were locked with hers, willing her to _feel_ this and carry it in her heart for the rest of her days. "Rose Tyler..."

Time dealt them its final blow, and like a vapor of mist on the wind, he was gone.

The words were still on his tongue, bitter and sweet, as Rose faded from him forever. He closed them back into his mouth as he sealed them in his hearts. His eyes closed and the tears fell.

On a gray, desolate beach stood the only one who could fathom the depth of this pain, the tears shared and shed in equal measure.

-:-:-:-

The journey back from Norway had been made in somber quiet. Rose did not speak of her loss. She did not weep uncontrollably. She did not rage against the universe with the question of 'why.' No one tried to force her to open up or talk about it. She was numb and dazed, it was assumed. Rose's loved ones were giving her time to grieve, and respected her need for silent reflection.

Rose was not grieving, though. No, grieving this loss meant accepting this loss, and she was _not_ prepared to do that. She had not for one moment given up and passively accepted her circumstances when it appeared as if she had lost the Doctor once before, and she would not take this lying down now. With each mile that passed, her resolve grew stronger until it solidified into a single determined fact: This would _not_ end here. If she had to catapult herself across two universes to be with the Doctor again, she would.

Somehow, someway, she was going to find him again. Of that she was certain.

-:-:-:-

There was a time when the Doctor believed that words had power.

Four words: _The Stuff of Legends_.

Three words astoundingly imparted to him, even if his tongue could scarcely return them: _I Love You._

One word more impossible than the rest but one he had just begun to believe that maybe, maybe could be true in some miraculous form: _Forever_.

He no longer believed in the power of words. They disintegrated to dust, just like everything else around him until there was nothing left. There had been a brief moment in time when he had hope, he had love, he had a reason to endure. There had been a time when he had Rose.

And then everything fell apart, lost in battle, as his life seemed cursed to repeat.

In the end, they had held off in making that fateful return to Earth. As a result, they had been able to have precious, additional time together before all was lost. But even if the time they had together had been decades, it still would not have been enough. All the time in the universe could not have prepared them for their ultimate separation. It was so sudden, their severance. It overtook them in an instant and was unstoppable. In a breath, they had been torn apart.

There had been occasions past when the Doctor considered just what he might do without Rose. He had told himself when that day came, he would pick up the pieces left of himself and move on. Always moving on. The only other alternative was to lie down and stop living. Rose would never want that. And as much as moving on hurt, stopping was unbearable. He had to run in order to stay at least one step ahead of the pain. And so he did. He had no choice, really.

As the Doctor attempted to move forward, he had never once intended to return to Zobulan. Certainly not when his pain was still so raw and intense. Yet something about the place – the very thing that had brought him and Rose closer than he had once intended – was drawing him in. Maybe he was just looking for closure. Whatever the reason, this was his first stop after returning alone to the TARDIS after having just encountered a fiery ginger-haired woman who had briefly happened into his life at his lowest point. She had left him with a parting question, to which he answered simply, '_Her name was Rose…_'

The unexplainable pull of that name, the one he desperately hoped could keep him fighting in the days to come, guided him back to this place. The Doctor's solitary footsteps led him into the dark cavern that had once held the light of such promise. His restless journey didn't end until he came to a stop before the inscribed stone wall which he beheld with reverence and pain. The words proclaimed him and his beloved Rose to be the stuff that legends were made of. In light of their ending, this should have felt like a mocking slap. Maybe their story was one of legendary tragedy.

And yet, seeing these words somehow sparked a feeling of inexplicable hope to flicker to life deep within him. He recalled with clarity the moment the two of them stood in this very place and solidified their fate, timelines converging into a single path that felt _right_. That path had led to their ultimate separation.

But maybe their story wasn't quite finished just yet.

As his trembling fingers reached out and traced the words he thought he had lost faith in, his hearts held to the ones he _still_ believed in – the ones spoken by the _woman_ he still believed in. Rose had told him that if the day ever came in which they were separated, she would not rest until she found him again. He knew this was impossible. But then, maybe impossible was one of those words that lived to be disproved.

The Doctor had all but lost any faith he once held, but he still grasped tightly to one thing. Just one thing.

He believed in _her_**_._**


End file.
